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Mom has passed so all you can do at this time is honor her memory, by telling the others in your life that you love them. Some people and some families scream at each other, yet they know they love each other. You cared for her, so she knew you loved her.
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We are human! Yes we lose our temper... nothing to feel bad about. I'm a private caregiver so I lose my temper when I get home. But it's normal..
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Windytown, I always felt more like a manager than anything else when growing up. And Jinx, she will not throw a tantrum around my father because she was always afraid he would walk out - in fact she once 'blessed me out' because he did not take her out to eat! ( It was 'all my fault' you see)
Hugs to you both!
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LivingSouth, My mother, an Alabama girl BTW, learned to throw fake tantrums to bring my father to his senses. He actually liked it, and would calm right down.

Communicate in a language that they understand.
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Liked your answer LivingSouth. You said it in a nutshell - it's hard when you are the one who is held accountable for everything that happens.

I resemble that comment. :)
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I am caregiver to a drama queen - may sound harsh but it is true, so there are lost tempers on both sides. I have found that I have to be assertive in my family, and it's sad that I have to blow my top to get the point across but sometimes I have to. I am trying to learn to count to ten like my grandma did - but it's hard when you are the one who is held accountable for everything that happens
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Did your mother ever yell at you? Nothing to be guilty of here. I am sure she forgave you if she even registered that you were aggravated. No one has the patience of a saint. Remember the happy times and forget the rest. You did a good job and it is never easy
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You lost your temper.....so what? that is a good thing.....you just blew off some steam. care giving is torture.....we all deserve to explode.....the torture builds up and up........it's a wonder we don't all lose our minds with the crap we have to endure.....so again, losing your temper is just a normal common reaction.
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Andebrum, confession is good for the soul. Tell us the details of one time when you were mean. When you keep it inside, you can't tell how big it is. We will help you see it as a bit of human weakness, not an act of evil.
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Your guilt may be a way of delaying grief. How were you mean, was it a constant, one time or many? Was there a reason, or you just weren't a perfect person? Forgive yourself, if you can't, seek help from a therapist. We all lose it. Just this morning I made my Dad feel like a fool. I have a migraine but it is no excuse. My words were mean and unkind. Do I feel guilty, no. I feel like an idiot, but I will forgive myself, strive to do better, and bend over backwards to give Dad a good day.

I am sorry you lost your Mom. You were there for her. That is what matters. Depression is genetic. Could this be depression?
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Wow, I have lost it and yelled at my Mom before,and felt terrible about it... But what do you do???? You are human, thrust into a horrible situation, and react.
The words hurt me a lot more than her, she had forgotten it 2 mins later.
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everybody loses it sometimes in the face of such insanity. i told my mom once that i was a contractor with a broken truck, up to my elbows in head bolts and broken manifold studs and if i ever heard about her buick recall again id cram the car in a dumpster and burn it. idda actually done it'show pissed i was.
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Ande you are definately not alone. We all are only human and have ups and downs, especially in stressful situations like being a caregiver. Your mother knew you loved her. I believe that she was letting you know she was ok by you hearing her call your name. You have nothing to feel guilty about, and eventually you will forgive yourself for being human. Grief is a process so if you feel comfortable sharing you might check into a grief group.
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ande - sorry that your mum has passed and that you are left with some regrets. I think most of us have some regrets when a person passes. I call them the if only's and what if's. If only I had or had not done this or that...

You wrote that you heard your mum call your name. Whatever you did or didn't do I think she loves you and knows that you love her. None of us is perfect.

Please don't beat yourself up. Regrets are very much part of grieving the loss of a loved one. When you are ready you may want to find a grief group. I think most communities have them and they can be very helpful.

Hope things work out for you now. (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
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Of course we have lost our temper! We love them but they can be maddening.

What you want to do, rather than wallow in guilt, is to figure out just why you lost it. Did they make a comment that hit a sore spot? Were you already feeling bad? You have to try to find a way to react better, but it's not easy.

It is very hard to apologize, but you can do it. With luck, they might even forget what happened.

If you come close to physical action, just leave the house for a few minutes. You really don't want that on your conscioence.
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