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I've read the others' advice and know it is good. But something inside me says that this could work out. The only obstacle i see is making sure the children have a place to play when you have children. You may want to keep your own house separate from his name in case there are any bad feelings in his family. Anything that is outside the marriage is beyond their reach.

This is an unusual circumstance, but if your fiance is doing a good job and the living arrangements are good, then I see no problems until children come along. It is a retirement community and not set up for children, so you and your fiance would have to work something out.

If you love the man and know he's the right one, I know you'll be able to work it out.
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I think your intuition is telling you that there are some bad (and very peculiar) issues with this situation. Just the fact that he gives you an ultimatum to move there tell sme he's more committed to his decisions than to any marriage.

He's not asked, but rather demanded that you make sacrifices. Marriage requires flexibility on both sides and often sacrifices from both parties. What sacrifices is he willing to make?

The concept of keeping a home just in case you have to move back is not good sense financially or personally. It's a contingency that's not consistent with making a commitment to a marriage.

I have to ask the question: what in fact would be the advantage, if any, to marriage? He's clearly made this woman his priority ahead of any potential wife. And there's something peculiar about this commitment, well beyond just compassion.

He has 3 caregivers but he's still tied to the woman? Something is strange about his attitude. My first thought as I began to read your post was that he's recuiting an unpaid giver cum wife and that you're going to be stuck sharing the caring responsibilities.

I wonder if he really wants a wife, has an extreme controlling personality, or there's something else going on with him.

In what area is his degree? Has he completely given up his professional life?

If he dies, I don't see a way the woman's family could make legal claims to your house as long as you hold title as sole owner, but I think they would force you to move out or her condo, or make life miserable for you Why even take that chance?

There are just too many strange and peculiar demands to his relationship to consider this plan seriously.

Listen to your instincts; they're red warning flags.
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I have a daughter who'll be turning 34 in November. If she were in a similar situation and came to me for advice I'd ask her one question, and caution her to think well before she answers: Do you absolutely believe he respects you? In your post you mention love and compatibility...both good beginnings in a relationship. But deep, honest, mutual respect is the foundation upon which every solid, long lasting relationship has ever been built. Without respect, love can fade, compatibility can become strained. Just going by what you've written here I get a strong sense that he is NOT respecting your hopes and wishes, and I think your intuition is already telling you something's hinky about the whole situation. Like Pam said, listen to your inner voice.
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You haven't even dated for 5 months. This isn't a good situation. Do not move in.
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Since you're educated and have an income, the first thing you need to do is to sit down with a family attorney or an elder care attorney by yourself and figure out the pros and cons of what he's proposing. You need to protect yourself as your first priority. Five months seems like a pretty short time to have known someone and to be moving to marriage talk, particularly with his unusual situation.

Based on what you've said, I can't get a read on whether he's a noble guy who's trying to help an elderly woman or whether he's basically in it for the two condos. Of course it could be a combination of the two. What was his job before he got into this arrangement? Why didn't she want her son to help her? Has your boyfriend been married before? Something about this makes me very uncomfortable, but I can't quite put my finger on it until you give us more detail.

My biggest feeling is to take your time until you feel very comfortable with your decision, whatever that may be.
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I think you already know that the answer to this is DON'T DO IT!!!!! It's not like your boyfriend's job is being a nurse at a nursing home. He has a very complicated (and frankly WIERD) relationship with an older woman to whom he is not related. When you marry, one of the vows is, "forsaking ALL OTHERS," which would (and SHOULD) include this woman. She is not his mother, and even if she was I'd demand that he cut the umbilical cord. The fact that he intends to maintain this strange relationship after marriage tells me you should RUN!!!

You say you're 34. Is your dream for your life to have a loving husband and a family? In your own home? Where his priority is you and the kids? Or have you always dreamed of marrying a nice guy who has a complicated relationship with an older woman to whom he is not related who will be his #1 priority for financial reasons while you and your children come in #2 or lower? Think about it. As I said, you already know the answer. You just want someone here to tell you to go for it and everything will be OK. Well, it won't.
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No. Just no. Bad idea. I agree with the ladies above. everything they say. Always listen to your gut - a woman's intuition is rarely wrong.

If he loves you and wants to marry you - fine, marry you, get your own home as a couple and she is a job that he works his hours at and comes home to his wife from.

But, as Pam and Jeanne have said...a man who REALLY TRULY loves you will put YOU first. I speak from experience.

Good luck.
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It doesn't sound like your boyfriend is currently "available" to date seriously or to make future commitments. He is "married" to his job. It is a noble job, but it consumes him nonetheless.

Do you want it to consume yours?

If you were dating a workaholic with a different profession, how would you feel about tying your life to his?
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You already have an inner voice warning you not to do this. Follow your inner voice, it has a lot of common sense, is not blinded by love nor overwhelmed by hormones and emotion. It's not about losing him. A man who loves you will respect your need for independent security and not ask you to give it up so he can control your life and inherit two condos.
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