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You have your own family to take care of. How do they expect you to do more? The offer to pay for mom's care is very generous.

Maybe he wants you to so called "do your part". You can that with paying for her care too. If he's exhausted with her alone, adding in kids is even more work.

My dad is a handful, but I don't expect my sister in another state, with a job and children to take over. She's got enough on her plate.
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Your mother is being unreasonable. You have no legal duty to provide hands-on care for your mother.

Your children come first.
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