Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
1 2 3
I just wish my non-receipting other involved person hadn't known about the situation for me to have to deal with, like life insurance
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

To EVERYONE who has taken the time to post, Thank You!!! Sorry I haven't been more responsive, BUT it's taken me until last night to do the *accounting* my brother asked/demanded. Did it to the penny...good thing I kept every receipt in 2 HUGE plastic bags. Anyway, ended up after counting all the money that came IN for the months I looked after mum, money in bank, etc, and Life Insurance, against the money that went OUT, there was a NEGATIVE $1,250. I didn't include Life Insurance info because as many said, I was beneficiary. AND POD on bank account. He will have it in his hot hands Monday. It's a relief (kinda) to have it done, whether it's the end of it, I doubt it.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

Saw your resolution of it -- make sure you send him a bill for that "negative" balance!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You can tell brother that you will definitely respond to anything concerning accountability that is legally required. Tell him to sit with an attorney of his choice at his own expense, and you will gladly correspond with his attorney. Be sure to express your condolences that he has regrets that he did not get involved, was not a part of their lives and affairs. Oh, and that you still love him?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

"DEMANDING" must be a code word for one of the stages of grief.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I hope it is the end of it. But as someone with not one but TWO nonparticipating siblings ( one of which lives less than a half hour away,) I would say the subtext of his greedly little question can never be answerd -- to his satisfaction. I am in awe that you went for it, however. Let us know what he wants next.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I thought that too while reading her response. Yes, he owes u 1/2. LOL
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thanks everyone who responded. I am anticipating just this kind of reaction from my half brother. Mom is not his mom. Mom's 95 and is in a care facility (for 2 weeks as of this writing.) He visits every 2 years but is basically not involved, not even on the phone. Just another gold digger. My wife and I have been there for her since the 70's and very much since 2004 when she had to retire.
I have all the paperwork from 1996 showing what each of us get, but the answers are going to be a help even if only moral support. Thanks.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

where is he entitled to anything if he's not her son?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

If you ended up paying out more then your mom's assets covered, tell your brother that you would be happy to supply the requested information when he agrees in writing that he will reimburse you for half the excess money you paid out.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said, other than to say I *love* the seagull analogy, and Sheenaz's advice to tell bro to pony up his portion of the caregiving expenses based on the final accounting (and negative numbers) was one of the best I've heard!

Reminds me of that old country song, "No Charge" - where the little boy gives his mother a bill for cleaning his room, taking out the trash, etc. She turns around and give him a list back saying she carried him for 9 months - no charge. She gave birth to him - no charge. She fed and clothed him - no charge. And so on. Same premise, different situation, but the concept still applies!
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

If brother is still not satisfied, send him a demand letter accounting for everything parents gave him or purchased for him (and his wife) after he turned 18.
Of course this is not the way to move forward if you ever want to have a relationship with your sibling in the future.
My brother sends cash in the mail, and while I very much appreciate the gesture, I would like to see him more than once in 3 years, and have a real sibling loving relationship today, as with all my family, would be nice.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Caw, caw, caw caw, cawawaaa!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

ddebdaughter....he is adopted by mom. His mom was killed in a crash. He is entitled to what the trust/will says, I foresee that he wants more, but I guess I will have to wait to see.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Sheenaz, and Sendme2help, and SusanA43, I went back & forth with what I wanted to say, & what info I was prepared to give him, what info I actually had. I kept Z'ing my brother in my accounting, but my husband kept saying *Just give him what you feel he is entitled to, personally & legally, and be done with it, NO nasty comments, just the bottom line**
OMG that was NOT easy. I did as most advised, & next to Life Insurance Policy, simply said, I was beneficary not subject to probate. Her bank account: POD (me) not subject to probate.
The package arrived yesterday June 22nd at his home, BUT, silly me forgot about the dogs, and the post office probably wouldn't attempt to go to the front door..... which is exactly what happened. As of 5.59pm today, June 23rd, my brother's time, he hadn't picked it up.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Your clarity, restraint, and resonse to your brother is bordering on sainthood. Good for you!
So happy to be of help with offerings of expressions of anger on your behalf.
It is like you said, that was not easy to attend to just the accounting/bottom line without nasty comments.
Sincerely, and seriously, hope your brother appreciates your efforts.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Correction: response
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Great. Now your brother can drive to the Post office and pick it up.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Sheenaz, you would think he would be curious enough to actually go pick the d**g thing up.... but nope he still hasn't.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Apparently all the information to which he felt he was entitled is not as urgent as it might have appeared to be. I think perhaps he was just harrassingi you - he may have thought he could continue with that behavior because you wouldn't respond. Surprise!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

You did ur part. Now he can shut up. :)
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Or maybe he is afraid that the mailing includes a bill for his half of the overage! Hopefully this is the end of his harassment.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

About the adopted son post, i keep hearing that if the parent didnt leave a adopted child at least a dollar , literally could be a $1. That an adopted child can contest the will and win. Ive heard this from two people. But my lawyer never said this to us when preparing all these things. I am concidering getting a new lawyer to see if there is any loop holes here. But paying the money for one bites my butt. Any thoughts?
About this original post. What is he thinking? Does he already have a lawyer wispering in his ear that he can get more i wonder.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My3kidsok, I'd be interested in knowing who provided the information on contest by an adopted child. Is that just for your state?

From my experience, an individual can disinherit heirs if so desired and it's clearly stated in the Will or Trust.

We've done that.

There's also an in terrorem clause which provides that any heir who contests his/her share will be disinherited, or just get $1. I'm wondering if that's what you've heard in terms of adopted children? It's a good clause to stop squabbling heirs.

I can't say often enough that a very good estate planning attorney is worth her or his weight in gold. This is such a complicated area, especially when you factor in the tax implications, that it's just not something for anything but a skilled and qualified attorney.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

My3kidsok, what I have heard on good authority is that in drawing up your will you should aim for the Avoidance Of Doubt. If a child - legally, an adopted child IS a child, it makes no difference - is omitted altogether from a will, if there is no reference to him or her at all, it makes it easier to believe that there was some kind of accidental oversight. It creates space for even that scintilla of doubt that could just about justify contesting the will.

The solution is to ensure that if there is someone who could have grounds to have certain expectations, but whom you absolutely wish to disinherit, you say so in your will. You don't have to say why, and there's certainly no need to be insulting; but something along the lines of "my adopted daughter Cruella Surname, born Birth Surname, has received my generous financial support throughout her life. I leave her my blessing" should do the trick. It could be that in certain states a 'peppercorn' legacy needs to be attached to that, so you'd have to add "and the sum of one dollar, to be paid in cash."
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I believe he was left something in the will; he just wants more
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Like it was said, an adopted child "is" a child.
I have heard at least leave a dollar to someone. Like the responses about telling why the person isn't getting or not getting as much. I don't feel any will should be contested. That is how the person wanted their assets split up and that is how it should be. Children have to drop the attitude they r entitled to parents assets when they die. The money they put aside was for their care and should be used for that. I plan on using mine.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

CM, good point on clarification - omission could be construed as accidental or intentional, and once the person is gone, there's no way to clarify with him or her what the intentions were.

BTW, I googled "peppercorn legacy" and got hits on that term as if applies to woodworking and cooking! What's the story behind this phrase?

As to specific disinheritance, I checked our documentation. The Trust and the Pour-Over Will contain provisions that are very specific:

The individual is mentioned specifically to establish that he/she has not been forgotten and has been purposely excluded from any interest in the Textatrix'/Settlor's estate.

No reason for the exclusion is given, and I think that's wise - there's no need to bring up relationship issues, especially since that might give the excluded person an opportunity to try to challenge that opinion.

It's further stated that he/she has been intentionally omitted, direction is given that under no circumstances can any part, share or interest vest (critical term) in that individual, (and this is also critical), that disinheritance specifically includes his/her descendants either then living or born in the future.

That makes it pretty clear that this person has been disinherited.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I use online legal services for almost ll my legal docs. saves a lOT of money so you update your will. Ladt week looked a tmine drawn up in a different state becuae i knew I needed to have it updated for florida and sudenly realized my executor is also dying of fouth stageovrian cancer.. Online wills and health docs
are definitely the future as far as I'm concerned.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

happened in a sense to my dad and mom's will; the nephew he'd named as - co-executor, I believe, at the time, unexpectedly passed away before they did, so he went back and took them both off and just made me the only one - I really did hate that; I was looking forward to having somebody else be in charge, or at least help, not me have to have all that responsibility; thought he would replace him with his brother, that he somewhat looked to after that but it wasn't quite the same and think he didn't want that responsibility either
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

1 2 3
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter