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I was and am in the same situation. It is very hard. You don't sleep, and worry about everything. I found talking to other Caregivers helps. Also, take time for yourself. 1 day a week, make time for just you. I work full time and am the Caregiver of 2 Disabled parents. There are nights where I cry myself to sleep. Then I realize that I have to be the strong one for my parents. They took care of me when I was born. I am just repaying the debt.
Our parents didn't want this to happen, but it did. For me, the hardest part, is being sick and still having to do everything.
But knowing what all I would go through; I would still be the sole Caregiver for my parents, because if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be here.
As the saying goes, "God never gives us more then we can handle." It might seem like it, but in the end; this experience has made me a better person.
I almost got to be on the Katie Couric Talk Show because of it. They picked Amy Grant the Singer. That is okay.
So if you need someone to talk to; I am here.
God Bless You and remember you are amazing; because most people wouldn't do what you do. Keep your chin up.
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being a caregiver does not mean you have to or should give up your life. It hard because of the guilt sometimes you feel, but unless he is deemed incompetent by a court he has the right to make very bad choices. Being POA does not mean you are responsible for a competent (but making bad choices) adult. Take care of yourself first, sometimes the sr. has to fall before he will let someone help.
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These answers are all very supportive and helpful and I find that they have made me feel better since I am a very similar situation except that my mother is becoming more bedridden every day and I must work as I am sole support of the family and maintain the house.
It is my employer i find so disheartening. There is no understanding, no support, no help. No one cares that I am showing up every day exhausted as previously noted. My job is very demanding as i am a nurse practitioner in a very busy surgical practice. I fell pulled apart by so many people who need me, yet I should be home with my Mom. Yet, if I do that, how do I keep the house and pay the bills?
I came home from work last night, got Mom something to eat and drink, gave her a snack and her meds. helped her change, lay down on my bed and woke up with the alarm at 5:45 this morning, hitting the snooze button because I still felt completely exhausted. Don't know how much more I can take. Need a job with fewer hours but still make the needed pay. i am 58 and feel like I won't see 60. The best years of my life have always been given away to someone else's needs.
I think the key work here is EXHAUSTION. How can it be helpled when there are no family members and no support systems. My boss told me that if I took time off i would have to document every hour or I could be "terminated for stealing time". I never take lunch, work on weekends when needed, and get a whopping 19 days a year off for sick time and vacation accrued at 5.5 hours each pay. The answer is probably pretty clear. Get a better job. how does one do that when they are raising their elderly and ill parent?
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When ljdh0709 wrote "YOU matter just as much as your father!" I wanted to shout "Hallelujah!" Yes, we do matter as much as our loved ones. I am trying so hard to learn that concept. It isn't a bad thing to take care of ourselves, too. Without us, our loved ones would be lost...and in end, so would we. Very, very tough lesson to learn!
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Call his doctor about driving and anything else that you feel might be a safety issue...let the doctors make the decision
about what he should and should not be doing.

Contact the attorney regarding any agreed payments that you
were supposed to recieve in order to maintain your living expenses and get the attorneys advice.

Start your biz again if you can....dont even mention it if to your father if he devalues it.

Let your Dad know you did everything humanely possible to help him and that you now also need to have time to meet the responsiblities of your OWN life as well as his. Maybe you can spend less time with him so you can start taking care of yourself and see how that goes.

(take a few weeks off and rest as much as you can...do a few relaxing things and
hang in there....YOU matter just as much as your father!
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If you want to try and help, I would suggest contacting his doctors for help. Ask for a care consultation and document his behavior. He sounds like he might be a danger to himself or someone else. I would also contact an elder attorney. You might be able to get some help there. Contact your state's agency on aging...just go to your states web site and search for elder care or something similar. I hope you can get some help for him and save yourself, too. Good luck! God bless.
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Sounds like your dad does not want to give up any control, I understand that only too well. You need to take care of yourself first. I think he would benefit from assisted living, can you get a geriatric manager to step in and help you? You really need to get rid of thinking you are "crazy" or "bad". These are very shaming feelings with a healthy dollop of guilt for a side, feel these feelings, label them and sit with them for a while, then let them go once and for all. You are responsible for yourself first, if he wants help he has to play ball or he must deal with those consequences. He has not been diagnosed with dementia so he is capable of working out something that works for both of you.
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You are not crazy, or bad. Quite the opposite, and I salute you for everything that you are doing. This is a crazy hard job, and it sometimes makes us feel as though we have no options or solutions, and that we are faced with brick walls every where we turn.
Trying to work and take care of an angry old man who is agressive and resentful and pushes every attempt you make to help away ....yup, I can absolutely relate.
I can't say what your responsibilities and obligations are, only you can answer that. But I can say, take a huge step backwards and really look at the situation: you have an obligation to your own health, your own earning capacity, your own ability to pay your apartment and so step one is putting YOU back in the picture. It sounds like dad has taken the whole picture and made it all about him, and there is no you left in there at all. Put yourself back in the picture and make decisions that work for you as your first action step. Stop making decisions that force your life (whats left of it) to revolve around him.

He needs help for sure, but are you able to enforce it when he won't let you or anyone else care for him? Can you enforce your position with POA and get him admitted into a home? Is there any way you can get his medical team to enforce the next step if they know he has no caregiver? I don't know the system there in the States for this type of situation.

But ... I read your post and your cry for help, and I just wanted to reach out and tell you that he is lucky to have you in his life caring for him even if he doesn't realise or show it. HUgs and love to you today, xxxx
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You deserve your own life. You can't let y our parent suck the life out of you. If he is of sound mind and made the decision to cut you off and doesn't want your help, then by all means let it be. I would just tell him you respect his wishes and go about your life as you intended. When he needs someone again - tell your siblings to step up..or just don't answer the phone - that's what I do.
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