My 90 year old mother lives independently and has been ok with it up to this point with the help of meals on wheels and with my either stopping by daily to help, or calling to check in.
I’ve tried consistently to get my siblings who live far away to make weekly (at a minimum) check in calls, and a brother that lives under an hour away to come up once a week. All are mostly retired with no kids at home and just enjoying life to it’s fullest. I still have minor kids at home and am the busiest one in the family and seem to be the only one who cares about mom consistently. When they do come they never look around and see what little things might be needing to be done (even a quick vacuum run or dust a shelf), they just sit for an hour then on their way - and check that box off until next time.
Some time soon we will have to move mom to some type of assisted living which I know at that point they will all swoop in and be the “experts” on what mom needs. But, until then how do I diffuse my resentment towards my siblings? I do what I do for my mom as a choice because I love her and respect her wishes to be at her home as long as possible, but I often feel the others are doing the bare minimum (to appease their guilt possibly) and are just waiting for her to pass and then swoop in for their share of the inheritance.
2 of my siblings understand, so far everything I'm doing to care for Mom and her property/house. A few weeks ago a nephew showed up out of nowhere to come see his Grandmother before she dies. Really?! Where have you been over the past 15+ years ya druggie sh** head? That goes for his sister AND their Mom, I have 3 sibling.
#3 was in prison for almost 1.5 yrs (white collar, oh hell she was helping illegals get fraudulent identities). I received a text this AM from her asking me who owned the boat/truck parked on the driveway. Neighbor's to help make it appear someone is living in the house beach! I wanted to ask her why she was at the house instead of visiting with our Mother. I'm legally responsible for Mom, finances, property, fighting step-siblings for fraud, live out of State, go back home every month for a week to visit Mom/Step-father, hire contractors for repairs, deal with attorneys, have Trust Officer do financial budget(s), I do the other reports for the Court yearly, talk with the doctor, communicate with assisted living facility manager, legal research so I don't sound like an idiot with the attorneys, fear everytime the phone rings, husband who is doing his best to understand, BUT she wants to know who owns the damn boat/truck and as far as I see on the vistor's list, has only seen Mom ONE FRIGGIN TIME since May. #1 has only been to visit a few times, asked the same question, #4 only once, asked same question as well as why does the pool look so horrid or not covered for Winter? Contractors had not been there yet for all the needed repairs. LOOKS GREAT NOW!
I changed the locks to keep the step-siblings out and I'm happy that none of my siblings have a key.
Not 1 of them (#3 can't have anything involving finances) has asked if there is anything they can do to help me. My absolutely wonderful and favorite Uncle (Mom's youngest of 2 brothers) visits Mom at the very least once a week. He and my Aunt buy Mom new house dresses, slippers all of the time. They take sugarless candy (Mom is diabetic) for Mom and our step-father.
Really?! Their only question is about the boat /truck at the house?
Oh I forgot, if #1 goes to visit and the TV in their suite isn't working why hasn't the manager had it fixed? Step-father keeps pushing in-put button on remote so provide has to come and reprogram. I've paid for the comfort of their dog, fencing, doggie door, grooming mobile vet hence the issues with step-siblings not paying the required by Law 50% for Community debts.
Whose boat/truck are on the driveway?
YES, I AM THE MIDDLE CHILD. NO I'M NOT A MARTYR, I'M THE 1 WHO CARES ABOUT OUR MOM AND I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE MY ENTIRE LIFE FOR HER AND SHE FOR ME.
She is my child now and I am her Mother. My job is to care for her just like she did me. Do I want to SHAME my siblings, damn straight I do. Why you may ask, because just like many, THEY WOULD NOT TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT WAS HAPPENING WITH MOM FOR 3 YEARS! #1 convinced them/Mom that I was going to place Mom in a home and take all her money. #1 committed fraud, but she doesn't know that I know and I have all original legal papers....3 people are going to be very surprised. Yo I'm going to make an addendum to Mom's DNR so they have a chance to say their goodbyes and private conversation before I will have to let her go to her next home.
Our current Society does not "love" family and everyone thinks they are "owed" something from their family. NO WE ARE NOT, WE DIDN'T WORK FOR IT AND IT IS NOT REQUIRED TO LEAVE WHAT THEY WORKED FOR TO ANY OF US.
If it takes every single penny Mom has to care for her, that's called life and I will have done my best for Mom.