My dad moved in and we set up an apt for him 4 years ago when my mom passed. My brother lives in another state and refuses to let him stay there or setup a space for him.
Fast forward untill a few months ago my dad had a UTI now has foley and catheter he can’t go into a home because of the 60 month look back so we brought him home for a 3 month look back until Medicaid until approved.
The thing is my brother refuses to come and help or bring my dad back to my brother's and my dad won’t go.
Since my brother got his inheritance he says he spent it all and has no money, no job and is mentally ill, but he can physically do things. He won’t come to me and give me and my family a reprieve.
Can I sue my brother or put lien on his house for not contributing? I spent most of time helping my dad causing me to not able to work since my brother will not contribute?
I cared for my mom for many years so I truly know how difficult it becomes to care for others at home as their needs increase.
As far as siblings go, every family member has their own individual circumstances in their lives. I don’t even think that I would consider asking your brother for help if he doesn’t want to. He will be resentful if he does help and that’s not good for your dad.
Sometimes none of the adult children have any desire, nor the time due to working at their jobs, or maybe they realize that they don’t have the temperament to do caregiving for a parent that is difficult to care for.
They choose to hire additional help with an agency or private care. Those who need 24/7 care should be placed in a facility and be cared for by a full time staff.
I understand that you are exhausted being the sole caregiver but I do not understand why you would want to sue your brother. It’s nice to have help from family members but it’s rare to see siblings sharing the responsibility.
This situation was brought on by the decision to acquire your dad’s money instead of keeping it reserved for his care.
We can’t predict how fast a health situation will progress, so I suppose that you now realize it is best to be cautious with spending and it isn’t wise to divide up money when a person is most vulnerable as they are approaching their later years in life.
This forum will give you honest advice. Some advice you may appreciate and other advice you might disagree with. The advice given generally comes from loads of experience.
Banish the idea of suing your brother. Concentrate on your father receiving proper care. After reading his health issues that you list on your profile I would say that he requires care from a facility.
Best wishes to you and your family.
To bully him into coming over and staying so that the OP can get a break.
We can all see that it's never going to happen, and in any case it's never going to work because the mindset of a person who had been forced that hard into doing it would not make that person a safe and compassionate caregiver. But when you're sitting there seething with resentment about the injustice of your situation you aren't necessarily any too rational when it comes to seeking solutions.
By the way, the OP is still sitting on her share of her father's money. It's only the profligate ne'er-do-well brother who's already spent his share. So what should she do? Follow suit and spend it as fast as she can? Or recognize that the the "inheritance" she has stashed is actually not her inheritance but her father's cash reserve, and give it back? That's the truth of it, but it's another bitter pill for her to swallow.