He's in college, studying for 2 huge finals, one tomorrow and one in three days. His father was admitted to the hospital last night after his regular doctor's appointment when they noticed the massive swelling in his legs, difficulty breathing, kidney problems, and heart issues. He has been living with diabetes, pulmonary fibrosis, and congestive heart failure for some time now.
At the moment, my boyfriend believes this is just another one of those appointments that follow when his dad skips some medication for a few days, and they're just getting him back on track.
However, when I came home from work today, my boyfriend's mother told me that the doctors are discussing hospice and end of life care. She told me she hadn't told my boyfriend so he can just focus on his studies.
I'm having trouble with this already. I don't want to keep this from him until after his final three days from now. I want to tell him what's going on right now. I've never been fond of keeping things from people, I believe that since it pertains to his dad he should be kept up in the loop and hear about things as they happen. It hurts my heart to watch him going about his day, not knowing anything is the matter.
The son/bf know his dad is in the hospital but not about the decision to stop curative treatments. If he hasn't tweaked to the negative vibes in the house already then presumably he will be told very soon.
I'm sorry you are having to go through this and understand this is very stressful. You are very thoughtful and compassionate to care so much however, it does not sound as if your boyfriends father is literally going to die in the next few weeks.
I'm a nurse and know many people who go on Hospice live many more months.
I'd recommend you follow up with your boyfriends mom weekly to show your concern and get updates. And as long as it sounds like his dad is not going to die that week, AND his mother is still not telling your boyfriend, then you need to keep the secret.
You can make sure the mother knows when your boyfriends finished all his final test so SHE can then tell him about his dad.
Sorry you're having to go through this but making your ? future mother-in-law hate you is not in your best interest either.
We had been to the hospital the night before and knew it was coming but it was my mom's birthday and I had bought tickets to a matinee at the pantages theatre months before and we had to decided not to tell her until after the play
Phone rang as we were about to walk out the door and of course mom ran to answer it - instead of having a little enjoyment on her 80th bday she spent the afternoon in tears
assuming finals
are over ?
Just because his dad is being placed in hospice does not mean he is dying within a few days. It is my opinion, that you should respect his mother's wishes, after all, she wants what is best for her son. It should be her place to tell her son. Telling him before his finals will only distract him, and could be detrimental to his studies.