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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Fake or not, some thing is not right. Get in the habit of documenting the events so you have a reference going forward. Even as simple as a notation on your calendar or as technical as using your phone for a photo or video keeping in mind the legalities in your location.
But their actions and personality traits aren't consistent... One minute they carry on a fairly normal conversation, and next minute they don't recognize the chair they sit in or the fact they have breakfast or whether it is daytime or night time! You can't document anything except that nothing is the same!
I can tell you what it looks like when you have a friend with dementia and it gets worse. Her family thinks "she's just doing this for attention." Sadly, through years of neglect (her son and family lives next door) she is now hallucinating, in stage 4 cancer of breast, both lungs, and liver. Through the years our family has provided clothing and food, special gifts, friendship. Now we no longer can provide those things for her as our health has declined. To be alone and yet be so close to family who now doesn't have a clue to what to do - is devastating. Don't ignore the symptoms. She does know that we're available through the phone and we still try to encourage and find ways to show she's loved - don't neglect those you love. It is frightening when your mind begins to shift gears.
Im curious what causes you to believe seniors aren’t capable of attention seeking/ manipulative behavior? Doctors themselves know some patients regardless of their age do this, it’s especially consistent with those who have some sort of personality disorder.
I understand your curiosity with the behavior. A lot of the behavior certainly doesn't make logical sense. I believe the answers are as varied as the number of people with memory issues. It depends. Regardless it does no good to make any argument (you don't say that you are. I'm saying this for others who might.) The best we can do is to work with the person to the best of our ability and give them all the dignity we can with the abilities they have at the time. I respect your question and hope you find answers.
Medsister: Imho, although this poses the thought, 'Be careful what you wish for,' I actually did know a woman who was in a wheelchair and wished to not get well. To garner attention, she actually flung herself out of her wheelchair. Then she was able to receive more medication(s) before passing away.
For those not believing this is possible to fake, 20 years ago my brother faked having colon cancer. 14 years later when he said he had liver cancer I didn't fully believe him until his surgeon came out after his surgery and said the words "I'm fairly certain we have removed all of the cancer". It's sad and seems crazy but people will fake many different things. This question has me thinking about my Dad because that same faker brother has been telling me for over 3: years that our Dad has dementia. Dad lived with me off and on my entire adult life and for the last 13 years completely and has been in a nursing home for the last 1 1 /2 years now and does not have a dementia diagnosis. Brother at one point said Dad had a test with a clock....he hadn't at that point but it was in the episode of This Is Us the night before brother made this "revelation"! Dad eventually did have the clock test about a year later and passed! Another thought comes to mind, during the years Dad lived with me he was so helpless and relied on my for everything. I knew he could do things but he flat out refused to. Then he'd complain to the brother who would be angry with me for not doing everything for him. While brother didn't do anything. Now the brother calls the nursing home and tells everyone that I abuse Dad, neglect Dad, took all his money, and that the staff took Dad's McDonald's that I had brought him (part of my neglect and abuse lol). None of that is true yet he's done it for the past 1 1/2 years. So I think faking dementia to get attention is absolutely possible. Pay close attention, see how your loved one changes with certain people compared to how they behave around you. Use your common sense because you know them best. I wish you all the best, these issues are so difficult in addition to everything else we have to worry about.
Personally, I have thought very often that my mom makes things up. She tells a lot of stories and there really is no way of knowing what is true or not.
One thing she does a lot in the assisted living facility is to say that people are always stealing from her. Even the one bite of banana she didn't finish was stolen, instead of the person cleaning her room threw it away because it was actually soupy.
She even leaves notes in her refrigerator telling people to "stop steeeling" from her.
She tells me all the time how mean people are to her. Not sure that they really are mean at all. I have seen people walk by mom in her wheelchair and say hi and ask how she is doing, and mom completely ignores them.
I have often thought that my mom fakes her dementia, but it is really difficult to get information from staff at the facility.
It's not always true. Some of them who tend to do this should have some tests done to see if their mind is in good order. If it turns out their minds are fine, then they're faking it because they could be possibly be narcissistic and expect you to always pay attention to them.
My 91 year old dad definitely has dimensia. We can't get an MRI of his brain because he has a pacemaker and the magnets would interfere with the pacemaker. We call it, "the boy who cried wolf". He demands CONSTANT attn because he is also certifiably insane. 3 times in 16 mos, my sister and I have taken care of feral kittens he says we can keep 2 of them. He then gives us hell because we love them more than him. We gave up our homes and lives to care for him BUT he believes women are lower creatures and I feel like I need to put on a harem costume, have a huge fan, peel his grapes and feed them to him one by one. Then, i am to sit on the floor with my hands lovingly on his knee saying, "Sire. Please look on your lowly servant girl with favor and share with me of your great wisdom."! (Not a joke, but funny!) Then he proceeds to tell me that if I don't do EVERYTHING he tells me, isually to give him a 5th of whiskey every cpl days, that the bible says I'm worthy of death. YES! HE FAKES A LOT OF IT! When his home nurses come, he's funny, cheerful and lies to them about how well he's doing. He just wishes his girls would leave him alone, when we're not fawning over him. It is hard to tell. He plays boy/wolf soooo often, it extremely difficult to know when something truly is wrong. Very saddening to say we're used to it. No one should have to get used to that behavior. Look at any humor you can find in your situation. It helps.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Sad if someone is using it to get attention.
If you think they are, give them the attention they are needing.
I believe the answers are as varied as the number of people with memory issues. It depends.
Regardless it does no good to make any argument (you don't say that you are. I'm saying this for others who might.)
The best we can do is to work with the person to the best of our ability and give them all the dignity we can with the abilities they have at the time.
I respect your question and hope you find answers.
One thing she does a lot in the assisted living facility is to say that people are always stealing from her. Even the one bite of banana she didn't finish was stolen, instead of the person cleaning her room threw it away because it was actually soupy.
She even leaves notes in her refrigerator telling people to "stop steeeling" from her.
She tells me all the time how mean people are to her. Not sure that they really are mean at all. I have seen people walk by mom in her wheelchair and say hi and ask how she is doing, and mom completely ignores them.
I have often thought that my mom fakes her dementia, but it is really difficult to get information from staff at the facility.