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That's what happened with both of my parents. The Hospice nurses told me it was their bodies' way of shutting down and not to force them to eat or drink. I know it is difficult to not do anything; but, other than calling Hospice, you have done all you can do. Most important of all, you have obviously loved your mom a lot and she knows that. May you have acceptance and peace throughout this time. Everyone here is thinking of you and has you in their hearts and prayers.
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Veronica91's comment is very correct. I am a direct care hospice volunteer. In my training we learned that dehydration and starvation is the most natural and painless ways to die and that to force food and hydration on someone who doesn't want it can be very painful. Bring in a good non-profit hospice who can help both of you work through these issues.
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Hi Jack - I very recently lost my mother on May 23. Your story is almost an exact replica of my own, minus the nursing home. After her hospital stay due to a bladder infection/dehydration, we brought her home & placed her on hospice. She lasted 10 days. During those 10 days, my husband & I tried like h3ll to get her eating & drinking again. Pureed foods, Ensure, little sips of water every time we entered her room. She would try to appease us, but her intake was so minimal, her fate became very clear. I'm so sorry you are going through this. This was our second experience with hospice, and I can say without a doubt that watching your loved one refuse food/water while standing by feeling helpless, is the most heartbreaking experience. I hope your mother's condition improves, but if it doesn't, definitely contact a hospice organization & ask for an assessment. In my opinion, they are a Godsend.
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Same cycle with my mom........food isn't very interesting but ice cream and chocolate shakes are.......you have to make them feel ok about whatever they choose......it's ok. It's clear when they are ready and you will be ok if you leave it up to your loved one.
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When my Dad, depressed in the hospital and sundowning, refused to eat, we had a deeply spiritual friend come in to talk to him. My Dad trusted this friend, who tole him it was his choice. He could stay or he could go, but he needed to be aware that he was making a choice. My Dad decided to live and fight a little longer. He cam home and we had the best two months with him before he left this earth.
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Jack this behavior is very common at the end of life and force feeding with tubes or IVs can cause severe distress if the body is trying to shut down. Have you considered consulting hospice?
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Does your mom have a living will? Whatever you plan to do it should be in accord with her wishes. When my mom was near the end (88), she would seal her lips shut after only a bite or a sip or two. She could no longer speak, but she clearly made sure we knew her wishes.
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Yes, Jack, Gershun is right. You are doing your best, but she needs professional help. Dehydration and repeated bladder infections can be very dangerous. So, please take her to the hospital or a skilled nursing home. There is a slight difference between a nursing home and a skilled nursing home. Ask the social worker at the hospital to tell you the difference and give you a list of them. You sound so loving and concerned about your mom. I hope she gets proper care soon and that you know you made the right choice. God bless.
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Jack! A resounding Yes! I would hazard a guess that 85 per cent of the people on this site have experienced this. Unfortunately when it gets to what you are describing you will probably need to place your Mom where they will get the fluids into your Mom intravenously. If she is refusing to take fluid voluntarily I don't see what other options you have.

I know there are others on here who are more knowledgeable than I. I'm sure you will get lots of good advice on here. Good Luck!
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