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It could be your mom is focused on how she feels both physically and mentally. If she seems to be depressed offer to go to the doctor with her and explain about the negative thoughts. I agree with the above responses, you can ask her 'what are you going to do about that', or 'what is the worst thing that can happen', I also use the comment 'we'll see, then I change the subject.. If she hasn't always focused on the negatives then she may need a medical workup, some hormone changes can affect mood (such as thyroid). Maybe when she is judgmental she is seeing some of her own traits. As we go through life, we are so busy and don't have the time to focus on one thing or another, the negative and bad events in life get more 'attention' because they make such an impact; now that your mother is older she has the time to focus on the negative. I don't think there is just one answer or solution to your question. I've experienced this and it is difficult but don't give up.
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My first instinctive answer would be because the best is not yet to come anymore. The past WAS the best. There is nothing to look forward to.
Many elderly people realize the future is bleak in terms of their health, and that dying is inevitable. It hits close to home when you get old.
I admire the elderly people who can choose to think differently; who have gardens they work in, other older folks they befriend, hobbies they can enjoy.
Sadly, those people seem to be few and far between. :(
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The last couple comments are very interesting! Seems like we have defined a particular counseling need for the elderly, no matter their health issues....topic being, how to make the most of your last years and finish up with grace, happiness and still have hope and fun each day, no matter what! There must be those who are fearful, unhappy, hurting either physically or mentally, who would still love to learn how to make each day something MORE! And would not that whole type of counseling just help all us caregivers immensely too?!
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I have watched a couple of female relatives go through this. My mother became this way when my father died and she said "there was nothing left for her to live for, no one needed her any longer." We all tried to tell her that is was not true, we were all still here and needed her...she refused to listen and basically locked herself away, never going anywhere except the doctor's office.

I have heard there are stages in both life and death that we all go through and anger is one of them. When Mom blows up now, I know it is anger and frustration...she too never has much to say about happy positive events, but when there is anything bad or negative she jumps in with both feet.....she can also rip me apart with hateful words. People say don't give a second thought it is just the dementia talking but I can tell you it cut to the bone no matter what.

There are also many people who love to be negative and it is kind of like getting in on the latest gossip....everyone wants to be included. I have noticed within my own family that we seem to think it is okay to stick our noses into every other family members business and tell them just what they need to do with their children, work or spouses. I realize it is highly inappropriate now, but I grew up with everyone doing this and it became standard behavior, we all just felt we had the right to say whatever we wanted to, to each other. It is not right, but maybe your mother has always been this way and maybe she grew up in a household much like mine.

I feel for you and I feel for your mother because living a life where negative feelings are voiced all the time means you are unhappy and you don't mind making other people unhappy....
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Joannes you could have been writing about MY mother! I agree with what the others have said about some of the assisted living places; my mother lives in one and it's like college for seniors....a club for complainers. Every time I call my mother, it's complain city. I feel like saying, "Well, Mom, what went right today?" She's always been one to look at the glass as half-empty, and that gets exacerbated later in life. But, what do you say to the person who is all negative?
She does it to herself; won't take advantage of any of the activities offered at the assisted living facility, complains about the food, criticizes other people there who are "supposedly" her friends, tells me the aides she have "steal" things from her apartment (this is totally not true). I just want to hang up! But, I can't, because I am her sole caregiver (sister opted out a long time ago). And, she is a 2 hour drive away. She's making me crazy. I feel like she is sucking the life out of me and my family. I try to help by ordering things for her on-line; she responds by criticizing what I ordered, and telling me it has to "go back." Honestly, sometimes I just want to tell her, "Do it youself then. I'm out." But, I can't. I am calling tomorrow to try to get some visits to a LICSW for myself. I said to my husband, "I don't know who is going to go first.....her or me." She's 97, by the way, and, oh, Joannes, she, too, points out all the other residents who are "fat" (she's 5 feet, 105 lbs., and prides herself on being so "slim").
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So labbydog, (BTW...one of our BEST dogs was a Labrador!!) maybe we need to move mothers in with each other, and let them feed off each other instead of us!! They do sound like unhappy twins!
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