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That was really not very nice of your aunt. she was out of line.
If your brother needs help, I hope he knows he has your support to hire help at parents expense, or to find them an ALF if their needs aren’t past that level of care already. Should they be in a NH?

And you are right, no way you are contributing to the same degree as your brother. Difficult to do on the opposite coast. It isn’t a contest and people have to make their own decisions. It sounds as if you have been attentive by visiting several times. Brother certainly doesn’t need a third patient if your knee goes out. sounds like you should get that taken care of.

Is your mom on hospice? That would be one indicator of how serious her condition is. People can live a long time with CHF. Do you speak with her doctors?
However brother made his decision to retire early, that was his decision. Hopefully your parents are compensating him for his sacrifice.
It is a tough time for your family. I’m sorry.
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How many sisters does your aunt have? How about 'you've only got one sister' .. all or your generation are dying.. what are your responsibilities? etc. Don't just sit there like a sponge for abuse!
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A tongue lashing from your aunt. Lol. You are in your sixties. Old enough to tell your aunt to f--k off and to mind her own damn business.

Let's face it at their ages your parents health crises are just going to keep coming.

It is impossible for you to keep traveling to see them for every single one and for every crisis. Plus you are no spring chicken yourself to be their caregiver and keep putting your own health and medical needs last. Your well being matters too.

Shame that your also elderly brother is being burdened to help out when he probably has his own issues. But such is the case with fear, obligation and guilt.

You all should have a conversation about parents needs vs expectations and what their plan is as their health fails and their ability to take care of themselves degrades. Elderly children shouldnt be their backup plan.

Good luck.
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TNtechie Sep 2022
Lay off the FOG with every person that WANTS to care for a parent. I agree the aunt gave her a guilt treatment but everyone who WANTS to help their patents is not motivated by guilt. I LOVED my parents and was grateful for the life they launched me toward and at times assisted me with. I did not want to see them struggling in their old age any more than their declining health imposed, so I spent my time and affection visiting and taking care of stuff for them even as vascular dementia and spinal stenosis degraded their lives. Guilt was not a motivator in my case. Guilt is a motivator is MANY cases (to some degee) but not in EVERY case!
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