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Thank you ferris_1 for the information. And yes, the bankruptcy hurt us, but we are slowly recovering from it (filed end of 2004, we had no choice, we were still in debt $175 thousand, roughly the amount my brother owed for his half of her long-term care). It's far too late to sue the hospital, even if I wanted to. They were so good to Mom over the years (far more than the ten I had her in my care), the nurses on the Cardiac floor called her "Granny Goose" just like my family did. It was an honest mistake and one both Mom and I forgave them for and she was in the hospital many, many more times after that. As to suing his estate, it is unfortunate, but it looks like that is exactly what I'm going to have to do. And I still have all the documents pertaining to Mom locked up in my Safe Deposit Box for fear this would be the ultimate outcome. So sad to tear a family apart by this, and I know it sounds like bitter grapes and greed on my part, but he made the commitment and he was Mom's only other child. I wish the laws were fixed so each child was held equally responsible for their parent's care (based on income of course) and that the actual caregiver could be compensated fairly, especially when other siblings use "distance" as a means of getting out of helping. (And alcoholism and drug addiction should never be an excuse for allowing a parent to suffer and do without.) Thanks again for your comments. They've all been most helpful (if only to let me vent my anger and frustrations. At least, I am now at peace with my anger and have a game plan in place.
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There is definately a need to contact lawmakers and urge them to get this kind of law overturned. These laws are no better than telling a child, "guess what? you have just been born into indentured servitude."
If my FIL had just saved a portion of his retirement, he would have had enough money to have 24/7 private duty care most likely for the rest of his life. Not all parents are June and Ward Cleaver.
I read so many stories on here and have heard one just yesterday personally of so many of these adults who just refuse to grow up. Adult children who are trying to help their parents quit smoking, drinking, gambling, going to Vegas and in many cases spending money on boyfriends/girlfriends because they are lonely after a spouse died. Many have never given one thought to becoming elderly, so they never saved a penny. It's sad to take from adult kids and punish them simply for being born. :(
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I don't see it ever being overturned. More and more states are Passing these kinds of law. Why would the states reject it? It allows them to cut back on the funds for Medicaid and gives the responsibility to the adult children to pay for their own parents' cost. Then they can use those funds to spend over $60,000 on studying ants! or some other useless programs....
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You can sue the estate. A good civil lawyer will help you with this. When helping raise his children, I hope your good intentions influenced them as they grew into adults. And had more influence than their biological father's deceitful ways. You also might not make yourself so available for him, ough that doesn't seem to be your style. You are a good person. I am sure deep down he wishes he had 1/10000th of your goodness. You will be rewarded, I don't doubt that. Hugs and God bless
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Thank you guys for your kind words and helpful suggestions. I have unfortunately had to sever ties with my brother because he keeps calling "demanding" that I help him with his problems, including he wants me to forgive him for not holding up his promises to help, but doesn't want me to sue his estate cause I would be stealing from his kids. He just isn't getting it, he stole from me which means he stole from my son, yet he wants me to forget and forgive him so he can die with a clear conscience and his kids not lose anything. Sad to think he'll be gone soon and still can't see the irony of his demands.
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I hate to say it, but I doubt you can recoup a penny. You deserve it and a lot more for all that you have done. When someone dies you are NOT responsible for their debt so I don't know why you paid off your mothers debts. Collection companies try to make you believe you have to pay them off, but you don't....unless you were a co-signer on an account. I feel your pain and your brother is pretty much a jerk but unless you have a signed or witnessed agreement to equally pay these expenses, I don't think you will get it back. Such a shame that we try to help others and wind up losing everything. God Bless You! My prayers are with you.
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Thanks to all, and the reason we had to pay back was that my brother wasn't paying and we had to take a loan out on our house and we put her medicines and items her insurance wasn't covering on a credit card. It may have been dumb on my part, but Mom was worth it to me. And all along, my brother kept saying he would pay, he just never seemed to have the money when I asked for it, always blaming "child support". But the fact is, he was squandering it on booze and loose women and I should have put my foot up his arse many years ago, or took him to court and sued him then. I just didn't want to believe my own brother would do this. It's a tough lesson, and one I regret, but in the end, I did what was right for Mom and I will never ever regret that.
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Another very obvious amateur scammer - no professional loan company would have an outlook.com corporate e-mail address.

Reported as scamer spam, for deletion.
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You can ask all you want of your brother, but he is getting his just reward by dying. You will not see a dime, so move on with your life! The 19 year old can get grants and pay them off like I did. Life is difficult! Make your own lemonade.
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Reading Your Post Unicornfairy was terrible sad, yet so beautiful to witness Your complete Love for Your darling Mom Who is now an Angel in Heaven. It's so difficult to understand how Your Brother could be such a selfish Brat. The circumstances You find Yourself in are inflicting terrible pressure on You and Your Family, through no fault of Your own. My advice is write a letter to Your National Radio Station stating Your case, and the hardship You and Your Family are having to endure out of Your Love for Your Mom, thus the Letter will be read out on Your National Airwaves and some kind Soul will come to Your aid, as there are so many really good People out there Who would Love to help You.
Please DO NOT SUE THE HOSPITAL, and forgive Your Brother so He can die in peace. You will be so glad You did. God Bless unikornfairy, You are an Angel and how Blessed Your Mom was to have You for Her Daughter. Heaven will be Your reward. 🇮🇪
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The most recent post on this thread was June of 2013. Why is it coming up again?
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Yes Jeannegibbs I did notice the date--but I think it would be good if the better Questions keep appearing, any way June 1 2013 is very recent.
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