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My husband has Parkinson's and the doctor wants him to stop driving. Only problem is -- I don't drive anymore either. If he does, we will be at the mercy of neighbors for everything. Our town has no public transportation (including taxis). I don't think he's bad enough to stop yet, but I can see it coming down the road. Anyone have any ideas for a solution?
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We've been dealing with this for a while. Dad had been getting lost, getting tickets, forgetting how to properly operated things like the wipers and the lights, and getting stuck in snow drifts (driving during weather when no sane person would be on the road) I asked the doctor to write the letter to the BMV. The BMV sent the form to Dad, and I took Dad to the doctor's office for the doc to fill it out. The doctor told Dad that he shouldn't be driving anymore, but when Dad begged the doctor to let him drive, the doctor wrote on it only that he recommended Dad have to take the BMV tests. Six weeks later, Dad got another letter giving him 30 days to show up for the test. From the time I first started the procedure, until Dad took the test, it was nearly five months.

Dad failed the written part of the test terribly (He got 30%, needed 80% to pass). The supervisor at the the BMV (very nicely) explained to Dad that he could no longer drive, and took the license. He did tell Dad that he could retake the test if he wants, and if he passes, then can take the road portion of the test. ......Dad argued with the man for 45 minutes before we had to leave. The instant we got in my car to go home, Dad very angrily declared: "You're not taking my car away from me." "I can drive if I want to. No one's going to stop me. I drive better than anyone.". The instant we got home, he got in his car and when driving, and he's driven every day in the two weeks since the test.

So far he hasn't had any incidents that would call attention to him . We told the people at the police that he is still driving. They say that there's nothing they can do, until Dad is stopped for some other reason. And even then, they may merely drive him home, (and only "maybe" impound the car) . He has several sets of keys, so taking them doesn't stop him. Disabling the car with a dead battery or a flat tire did not work. Kindly neighbors took pity on him and helped him by jumping the car and calling AAA for him. (That was even before the test. I don't know what else to do. Even the police officer said we do not have the right to take the car away, against his will. We don't own it, and we do not have guardianship.

So now we just wait until something bad happens, that will take the car away from him. I just hope it's not something terrible, as that is what I was trying to avoid in the first place.
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Something will happen - that is a given. It could be a little fender bender or the death of an entire family. I would not be able to rest at all thinking that my demented mom was driving around these streets that she has known for 25 years but gets lost taking a walk. This is craziness - once again we do not allow 5 year olds drivers licenses - why are the elderly off limits. Once you hit 80 you should be tested on a yearly basis. We are responsible for keeping our demented parents off the streets in a 4 ton weapon that they have no business being behind.
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Check out the news story about the 86y/o man who drove thru a Farmers Market killing 10 people and then got out of his car like "what is all the fuss about?" Makes me ill.
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I used the doctor to tell my dad that he needed to quit until he got stronger but he never did. However, I have heard reports of a friend's FIL who the doctor will not tell him and he has been seen on sidewalks and driving 3 blocks on the wrong side of the road. Also pulling out in front of someone. This is IL and my understanding is that the police must file a complaint or the doctor. Why family isn't at least considered for retest I don't know. Still will watch for more ideas.
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If doctors and law enforcement don't cooperate (and DMV) it's far worse for the family. I can't understand why they won't. It's not age that's the problem (in most cases) but cognition. One can't reason with someone who has dementia, so families need support for this very common problem. It's up to doctors to help with that. I, too, have heard where some don't want to get involved. Hard to believe.
Carol
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Reading all these, I am now hyper-aware how the medical and legal structures fail us in these situations. I do remember having to lie to my mother telling her that it was against the law for her to drive given a dementia diagnosis. I even printed up a copy of the law (doctored somewhat by me) to show her. For many years when she would bring it up, I would just cite the law for her. Even though my mom still had a valid drivers license, I hid it from her so she would not be reminded. Funny, I was always under the impression that the DMV would have been alerted by her neurologist and family physician when her diagnosis was made and automatically suspend her driving privileges. Needless to say I was shocked some years later upon her license expiration that she received a renewal notice in the mail. I grabbed that up in a hurry and trashed it.
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I simply told my LO:
Drive and I call police and they will arrest you.
It is called tough love.. LO knows I mean it,
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Uncle Dave, That's exactly what we did. That was when they answered that they really can't do anything about it until he gets stopped for another reason. Clearly it had no impression on my Dad either.
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We borrowed mom's car when ours was in for repairs. We never brought it back, and several months later, she agreed to sell it.
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