Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
My mom's favorite thing to do on Saturday mornings is to go to the dog park. Do you have a dog park? We go to the one where the dogs are under 30lbs. It's great, she loves it
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I can't offer up any solutions to this situation. However, I can tell you that your not alone in dealing with this dilemma. My mother never was an animal lover and when we had pets growing up, the first instance of them being a nuisance to her she would find a way to get rid of them. "It smells bad, it barks to much, etc.. My Dad loved animals and at one point they had numerous outdoor cats. As long as they were outside my Mother was fine with it. One day our Dad decided he wanted a dog and brought one home. A small Pomeranian he loved this dog and did everything for it. Didn't really have to walk it, as they had a huge yard that he fenced in a running area for it. As time progressed, Mom started claiming it as "her dog". Not surprising as EVERYTHING eventually reverted to becoming hers!
Dad was diagnosed with cancer and was in the hospital for months. His dog was left alone for long periods of time. My oldest brothers son took the dog to live with him in another state and to this day, still has him. The dog is very happy and adjusted well. My mother now lives with my oldest brother and his wife. They have two toy Pomeranians that they have had for years. They take them everywhere with them. My mother gets very upset because she claims one of their dogs is "her" dog. We've done everything we can think,of to get her to understand that she gave up "her" dog to her oldest grandson and that the dog she claims is her's really isn't. The person who stays with her during my brother & his wife's abscense with their dogs get the relentless barraging about how they took her dog without asking and demanding that we contact them to bring it home! It's all part of the dementia! It does get tiresome.. we have got where we tell her that they took the dog to give it some exercise since she can't. This will quiet her down for a couple of hours, but then it will start up again. Just letting you know you're not alone.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

If perfectpetzz doesn't work for you, you can try a stuffed toy animal. I'm not being facetious, it worked for my mother who lived in a building that didn't allow pets and who couldn't have cared for one in any case. Elderly people become child-like in some ways, and a stuffed animal they can cuddle with is sometimes better than nothing.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I have read each and all of the above posted responses to the caregiver whose mom insists on getting a dog. My heart aches for you all for all the burdens and pressures you feel.

I, too, am a dog lover. I have two dogs and an old cat, but am in a home with a fenced in back yard, so I can leave my dogs out into the yard to bark and run safely without having to walk them. Dear ones, the kind of companionship a dog can give goes much deeper that that of providing medical care, a safe place to live, and day to day personal care. I can talk to my dogs, they love to curl up in my lap and receive hugs and petting, their bodies are warm against me and so they comfort me with their presence and "love." I am still able to feed them, and make sure they get the personal and medical care they need. Because they are with me and "love" me, it somewhat lessens my need emotionally for human companionship/fellowship. So I am somewhat less of a burden to my adult children.

May I suggest, as one of you did above, that you find someone with a well-behaved pet who will visit your mom frequently with that pet. It could make a world of difference. If her request is coming from pure obstinacy and is an attempt to demand and control her family, that is another issue as some have suggested. Especially dogs have special gifts, I do believe, to give and receive love. I've often felt that the love of a good dog is akin to the love of God. After all, if you reverse the letters, d-o-g, you have g-o-d. Ultimately, we all crave unconditional love and acceptance.

In this case, it sounds like she is unable to care for a dog, and that is sad. So, do the next best thing. Listen with your heart, pray for divine guidance, and search for another loving person with a suitable dog to visit with her.

I have an older friend whose dog died. She was heartbroken. But now she lives with relatives who also own a dog, and she can enjoy their dog without the responsibilities of caring for it herself. That is a win-win situation. She is 93.

God bless you in your struggles.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My mother's old minpin died and she desperately wanted another but with Parkinson and numerous strokes she knew she couldn't care for it. When I moved in to care for her I thought what the heck, the dog would always have a home with me and so came Sue, a minpin x jack russell terrorist.

My mother is now in a nursing home and close to the end but she had four years with Sue always at her side. Sue and mother's cat, Pixie, now live with me, my four cats and old rescue lab on 2 acres out in the country.

I know it wouldn't work for everyone but we were lucky enough to be able to make it happen.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Lucky enough? yes. But willing also. I am so glad for you! You are and will be greatly blessed for your understanding and compassion.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Listen to me: I just had to bury my mom's dog in my garden because her memory loss precluded pet care. It was a long, sad story. Truth be told, we all adored the dog and it was the saddest thing to watch. For years I said, the dog is keeping my mom alive and she is killing him. Well, she finally did.

IF the AL can't help with care, it is not fair to the dog.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

If she didn't have a bird, I would suggest getting her a cat. They are much easier to take care of, my mother and mother in law would be lost without theirs. Would she be better off getting rid of the bird and getting a cat, she would at least have more one on one contact with the cat, and maybe that's what she needs.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Addison, I can't really make that determination. You and your charge are the only ones who can determine that. Every solution will also bring some new problems. There are no easy solutions to any of this. I pray God gives you insight and wisdom in this.

Not all cats are sweet and cuddly either. And they also require vet visits and litter pan cleaning, etc. But yes, they are easier to care for than dogs. Mine is declawed in the front.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

There are many dogs, well behaved, older,healthy dogs that are left alone while their owners are at work.
They are accustomed to going the day without a pee break and usually eat once in the AM and once in the PM but spend their days alone.Many owners regret this situation but have no alternative.
I tell you this because you might be able to find someone who would welcome dropping their dog off before work and picking it up after work thereby providing company for both mom and part time pet.If you consider this option consider
larger breeds as they are generally quiet in their old age and don't get under foot: Example would be an older lab (quiet,relaxed) a real people dog.
If you explain this to your mom she feel she doing what dog lovers do best; providing care and attention for a living, aging soul.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Dear Laureen, I hope the situation is solved in the meantime. In case not, I can not but agree to previous comments. I love dogs very very much. I always had a dog until 2 years ago. My dog passed away having 16 years, and while I am suffering for more than 6 years with very bad backpain. Some days I can hardly walk from my bed or sofa to the toilet and back. Staying in the kitchen to prepare myself a little snack is sometimes too difficult. And after having fetched everything together that I need, I have to stop, and make myself just a quick sandwich. As much as I would love to have 1 last dog in my life, I know and realize this is NOT possible. Nowadays neighbors, friends, children aso.. do either not care or do not have time to have a little walk with my dog 3 times a day. And when I have to go to the hospital, what then ? Place him/her in shelter for several days / weeks ??
No, if I can not take care of my dog as it should be, then no more dog for me. As I understand from your question, your mother is not suffering from dementia, but purely and simply very very strong willed and acting like a child of 2 or 3 years. Arguments, discussions, long talks WILL NOT HELP. You will have to stand firm and stay with your standpoint : NO DOG ! Some small dogs easily live up to 15, 16 or 17 years. Can you imagine what problems you will have on top of those you already have. With best wishes for you and your mother and a big hug.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Laureen,
It may not be like this, but it does sound a lot like early dementia. My mother 83 who has now been diagnosed with lewy body dementia (2012) had begun to show changes to her personality since 2002. I thought it was solely because she was older that the "I, I, I" prefacing was coming through instead of her constant self-abnegation which was typical of her previous personality. Now I see that it was early parts of dementia, which can take many forms -- depression, paranoia, loss of different types of memory, etc. As her symptoms were diffuse, for about 10 years I wasn't clear it was anything more than "regular" aging and/or mild-cognitive impairment. Now it is clear her personality issues came from the dementia setting in.

Even if you don't think this is happening to her, you may want to check out American Assoc of Alzheimer's Disease at http://www.alz.org/alzheimers_disease_1973.asp which also talks about dementia in general.

If your mom is lonely, is there any way she can go to a day program for seniors in your city/town? Or are there programs for seniors at any nearby house of worship for instance? That might be another route to pursue rather than a dog if she is willing.

All the best to you and your family.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I can tell you, as a R.N., that those who have an animal (talking in specific on the elderly) live longer, happier life's. Key word there is HAPPY....
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

olmaandme, what a nice idea! If your loved one is able to handle a dog for the day, this could be a great solution all around.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Have you checked to see if there are any dog rescue or service dog organizations in her area? Many of these organizations will visit elderly in their homes at no charge to provide a service to the community.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

It's difficult to lose a pet. I love animals, however I'm not so able to care for a dog anymore. I feel if I can't really afford a pet or care for it the way it should be cared for, then it's better not to have a pet than have a pet that's not taken care of. If she's mobile and able to do small tasks then maybe she can volunteer to some small jobs at a local animal shelter. A memory book of her past pets may be nice to put together for her. I'm not her age but have experienced loss and remembering all the antics and good times with my pet keeps their memories alive. It's not fair to have a pet and expect someone else to help with it. If the pet becomes ill, vet bills can really pile up. At 84, she may not be around for a long time so when she passes the dog would morn for her. It's not fair to the dog or any other pet. Everyone is different and I can understand her desire to have a companion who accepts her the way she is. Maybe she can become active at the local senior center, meet new people which would help with her grieving. Good luck
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I'm not sure if this would help, but maybe you could try asking her what would happen if she were to walk the dog, and while out walking the dog saw something enticing and just decided to take off pulling her down with it? What if she took it out sometime and it got loose and got hit by a car - how would she feel. If she's a real dog lover, she would probably think more about what would happen to the dog and how would she feel about it. You could also try telling her that if she got a new dog and had to move, they might not accept pets, so the dog may have trouble if it had to be with new owners. I guess I'm trying to say that putting the worries on her may make her think more about it not being a good idea. Just throwing out some more ideas - something will work out eventually. Good luck with this difficult situation.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter