Has anyone cut all contact with aging parents? My 93 year old mom has diagnosed borderline personality disorder & my father has always catered to her crazy behavior. I’ve been the scapegoat kid & my 62 year old brother the golden child. In life, it’s been the opposite. Have done better educationally & financially.
Have been with my parents 2 days a week to help with shopping & dr’s visits. It was 4 days a week for 3 years due to various serious health issues. They are better for now & can manage fairly well. I also cut back because my mom was impossible to be with. Her verbal abuse is horrible.
My home is 40 miles away & my brother 10 miles. He makes every excuse not to help. He has the summer off as a teacher. My mom is fine with his excuses. He stops by for Sunday dinner 2 hrs a week. Mom cooks & he does not even wash his own dishes.
My dad is part owner of some valuable land along with the family of his late brother (two male cousins). I was promised 25% of it all my life once my dad passes.
I am here with my parents now. Last night I found out my brother and cousins have talked my father & mother into cutting me out. My crime? Not being with them full-time, cutting back to 2 days a week & not helping my mom cook Sunday dinner to serve my brother.
Am outraged. I want nothing to do with them anymore. Tired of the double-standard, tired of my brother’s corrosive envy, tired of my mother’s nasty abuse, & tired of my dad’s implicit acceptance of me being crazy mom’s whipping post.
Has anyone simply left never to return? I plan on leaving tomorrow & telling my mom never to call me again.
I feel like a stupid chump for being used & fooled.
Take a mental health vacation. Then when you get back don't rush to call or contact them. Make them call you. If after a few days to a week after you've come back they make no attempt to contact you, unless it is to ask for something or to harass you,you'll have your answer. Afterwards if the only calls you get from them is to have you to do something for them or get something from you, you'll have your answer. Realize that many people that are set in their ways won't change unless something makes them change. After doing the above actions you will be in a better place mentally to decide( do you stay or do you go).
My brother is a millionaire and planing his next trip thank God for my boyfriend he has a job and he helps me .I just got over thyroid cancer last month and there were days I was so sick but by the grace of God I could take care of her.She will be done with rehab in 3 weeks and I hope she can walk then because when I fell I broke my ribs don't think I could pick her up but I will try.Im my father's daughter he was the best father and I made a promise to him and I will see it too the end.I couldn't live with my self if I didn't this is the hardest job I have ever done. I don't want her in a nursing home at all.
Children are certainly capable of 'loving' their parents and 'caring' for them in many different capacities; not just inside of their own home. It's a good idea to wrap your mind around that concept when commenting to people on this website. Not everyone is able, equipped, interested, or capable of caring for parents at home, whether they want to or not. Nobody should ever be made to feel 'less than' if that is their situation.
The Bible states that the righteous shall see the wicked get punished and as the years go by I see her suffer more and more, most of it is her own fault. She fights her body trying to do what she wants and the body wins that fight.
I gave up a very good teaching position to come home to take care of her. She thinks I should be grateful that she puts a roof over my head, food in my belly and clothes on my back (she gets the clothes second hand for free from the church). She has the money to pay me but refuses. Mean while she gives money to her eldest and her grand daughter willy nilly while they do not lift a finger to help.
If I hit the road she will be put in a hell house called an old folks home. She has seen the hell it would be for her (she is used to doing what ever she pleases and dictates to others what they are to do to serve her. Being a volunteer at various seniors homes that behavior does not bode well for those that have it).
I have a tent that is my sanctuary to get away from her. She can barely walk around the house much less the back yard so she cannot harass me there. That sanctuary is my life saver.
Now that I am her unpaid live in care giver when she gets too bad I just inform her I will tell her doctor I am no longer her live in care giver. She knows she will automatically be put in a seniors home. The good ones have a four year waiting list so guess where she will go. She straightens right up.
Before you go make sure to inform her doctor. I know a man who was a live in caregiver for his mother. They had a fight and she threw him out. Once he left she called the police and he was arrested for elder abuse and negligence of an elder (even though she threw him out she denied it to the police and was a real drama queen to the cops who fell for her act.).
Whenever I visit their first words are "have you talked to a sister or brother?" My youngest brother and I are the ones who visited regularly, helped out around the house, ran errands, and chauffeured them around as needed.
The Golden Ones seldom call, rarely visit, never ask about them. It’s sad, but YB and I can laugh about it, our consciences are clear. I love all my siblings and I believe Karma will settle it all in the end.