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In addition, guardianship for you would cost a lot of money. There is a lot more responsibility than a POA. Once u get guardianship its very hard to relinquish it. You answer to the state and have to give an accounting every year.
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I agree with everyone. You have tried to keep trying it is fruitless. Its just going to effect ur health and she probably can no longer care. You need to make the Social Worker aware that Mom did not raise u because she was not able to care for u. Anything u have done has not worked. Your family is priority. That they will have to go for state guardianship. Really, things will go quicker when the State is in charge. She will be safe and cared for. Go live ur life.
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First, your family is the one who raises you. Your mom was basically an egg donor.

We allowed the state of MN to take guardianship over my StepFIL because he blew thru 3 inheritances but never really worked, borrowed money from family but never paid it back and when old and broke and sick would not give anyone PoA or apply for Medicaid. He was never a true, loving participant in our family. He became ill with Parkinsons, and at 6'5" expected us to take full care of him, including to send my husband and 2 of my teenage sons to go pick him up off the floor at midnight during the school/work week. We did that once and that was the last time we did it. Nope. Not gonna happen on my watch. We reported him to social services as a vulnerable adult so that he got on their radar. We allowed them to take guardianship over him. So we knew he'd be in a facility and we would have no say in any of his care after that. We brought my MIL to visit him, which was a huge undertaking since she also was in a facility and had no money (thanks to him) and was wheelchair-bound, overweight, etc. so had to hire a medical van just to get her there. Eventually he passed and the state cremated him and wanted to know what to do with his ashes. And that was it.

If your "mother" doesn't give you or anyone PoA, this is what will happen anyway, so just let it. Right now if she's still in the hospital they probably have a social worker assigned to her so call and see if you can talk to that person to get the state guardianship ball rolling. It took me a while to get over the fact that StepFI died a sad, lonely person but we gave him every opportunity to not have it go that way. He just wouldn't cooperate and he exhausted us. You have a conscience so I totally understand that you still do care about what happens to your mother even though she didn't care what happened to you. No judgment regarding that. Wishing you peace in your heart!
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Windyridge Sep 2019
Egg donor. Lots of em out there. Best response I think I have ever seen on this forum. Tough love. Very good.

My mom was a mom not just an egg donor but I went through hell and high water trying to get her and dad to get help. No way, no how, ain’t gonna.....I called APS and alerted them that I could do nothing more. They told me to call back if I had an emergency.
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Don’t do it, and no guilt! We all choose our own paths, your mother chose hers long ago. Leave and do not look back. Best wishes...
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You have no obligation to become guardian to ANY parent, much less one as abusive as your mother.

Allow the state to take control.

Ultimately, she will actually get better care because there won't be the emotional enmeshment issues she has with you. Even with guardianship, she STILL will tell you to mind your own business.
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Well, my mother is a real must miss, alcoholic, abusive and just plain nasty. I do not talk to her anymore, she lives alone in NC, the mountain area, 13 steps up, 13 steps down, a death trap for an elderly person.

Over the years my brother and I have talked and talked and tried everything to get her to move...Nope....everything we suggest is subject to a quick response of No.

So, now, we wait, until the inevitable happens, then we will step in.

If you do not want to be her POA or guardian, don't do it, let the state handle her. She could live another 20+ years...my mother is 94...so, it can happen and you will be miserable trying to deal with her.

Sending support your way!
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