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Essie marie..
I am in the same situation. I have a sister and 2 brothers. Need to fine
a caregiver to come in or a daycare during day to help and give you a break. If mom can't get Medicaid to help pay for a caregiver or day daycare then let you brother pay. If he don't do that then stipulate he
Come get her. You gotta get a break, although it's stressful daily.
Mom should not put a guilt trip on
you about the nursing home. Find
something you enjoy and take time
For self to relax yourself. You in
control of your actions. All how you deal with your emotions. Stress adds to your sickness. You
take care of you first. Once you accept things as they are you will fill a lot better. I do a lot of praying.
Reading my bible brings calming.
There is a crown waiting for you.
You will receive blessing abundantly. Psalm is a good book
To read.
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It may be a good idea to keep a journal of everything you do and think about in regards to your caregiving. This way, if any one should ask, you have a record. And above all you will have told yourself and given yourself a greater affirmation than anyone else will ever be able to do. Once you respect the work you do, you will begin to see the work your brother has before him.
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Yes, you have paid your dues. Having been in your position and recently lost the loved one I cared for, I can relate to your anger/loss of self.

I have 3 brothers that did essentially nothing. The only real piece of help I did receive was when my older brother said, "It is time to give her care to the professionals." the "professionals" being Assisted Living. With all the guilt etc., mother tried to throw my way. This was for the best.

In addition I found that seeing a Therapist for myself also helped. Look around and find someone who deals with the caretakers of today. Mine is great and I have learned a lot about my self in general and my struggles as a caretaker. Good luck. It sound to me as If you have MORE than Paid Your Dues.
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I responded earlier but one thing I forgot to say was that you need to keep in mind that Medicaid will not pay for assisted living. It will pay for a nursing home but your mom needs a diagnosis that will qualify her to be admitted. She needs to receive true nursing care to get Medicaid. If you get to the point of looking for a facility for her, keep that in mind. Will her finances pay for AL? Perhaps your siblings will be willing to help with the difference between what mom can pay and what the fees are.
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My god, girl, you are a saint and your brother is a selfish bastard. I assure you that his family will NEVER HELP YOU. They have it too good to let someone interfere with their life, etc. Forget about asking as you won't get it. And with your own situation and needs and circumstances, YOU must face the fact that you cannot and should not take care of your mother any longer. It is just not right and will destroy you and any family you have. Make sure you have a Power of Attorney for you only for your mother and start looking to place her. Let her rant and rave - you are what is important and you don't look out for yourself, no one else will. Good luck and be strong.
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You need to take care of yourself for a change.
Call your brother and tell him you can no longer do this. Either they take your mom or she will have to be placed in a facility. See what he says.
Then DO IT.
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I found that getting out of my head and getting more superficial is a good break from heavy continuous brooding. Try not to make a point either sarcastic or otherwise to help you breakout of the blues. Laugh at ridiculous things that don’t matter. Let God take care of changing them. Thank your feet for their support!
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Brother & Wife only came to visit...not to do caregiving. You need a break desperately & fast . Your head is about to burst it’s so overwhelmed & can’t take it anymore. I know exactly how you feel & so do most people who are caregivers on this website. Don’t ask your mother’s permission to have her placed in a facility. Take charge & make a plan to change direction. You can take her out to lunch & then drive to facility...you can tour some facilities & talk to admissions director....get the ball rolling. There’s another way ...don’t expect sibling to help. He won’t . These parents of ours have outlived the usefulness of their bodies & especially their brains . It’s not fair that they should suffer & because they’re so miserable, want company...like the expression...misery loves company! Please make a New Year’s resolution to change...make a better life for yourself! Let us know how you do ...hugs 🤗
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elaine: So sorry to hear that. You're welcome. That is why I said that as I've seen it happen, e.g. the caregiver goes down if they aren't careful. Hope you're okay now and for some reason, I am just now seeing this.
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