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Mincemeat: That's a good one! I'm going to remember it.
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Just the desire you have to forgive means that you are different from your Mom. The fact that you grew up not a narcissist speaks volumes to your character. So why do you have this character and not the character of your mom? You grew up with her, but you're not like her. ?? GOD was with you. And He is with you still. Turn to Him and thank Him for creating you and protecting you through that period of your life. There is a reason...I so, so pray that you will learn to understand that reason one day. But while you're seeking, be grateful that you do not have the same personality disorder that your Mom had. My Mom also was mentally ill through out my childhood and young adulthood and died when I was young. I have resolved it in my mind and my heart with the Lord's help. You will too. One great promise from our God: If you seek Him, you will find Him. Our great God is not hiding, is not stingy, and does not want you to suffer. Blessings Dear Sister....
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Chiming in to validate those who cannot embrace forgiveness.

It can be convenient — for others — when you re-write your “survival script” to satisfy the therapist du jour, the friend/relative who is uncomfortable with your strong feelings or the person who wronged you.

But is the re-write authentic?

Does the new perspective still accurately reflect your truth?

If yes, go forward with your new peace.

If no, that’s fine. Own it. No apologies. (Quite frankly, it’s nobody’s darn business.)

And please note, I am not saying that the non-forgivers should be confrontational, keep picking at the scab, demand explanations, etc.

Just extending my support to those who give thoughtful consideration to every angle, and choose not to forgive. 

It’s a legitimate choice.  
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I couldn't agree more with you, BlackHole, and especially with your raising the importance of authenticity.

True forgiveness is a form of grace. Working at it is a good idea. Claiming to have it and to bestow it without doing the heavy lifting first..? Well, far be it from any of us to know what is in another's heart; but I do sometimes wonder who's kidding who.

When I say it's a form of grace, it's because my shining example of forgiveness is a lady whose son was wantonly murdered thirteen years ago and who forgave his killers in a statement that was quite unforgettable. The young man's name was Anthony Walker, may he rest in peace and may his memory be for a blessing.
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Forgive yourself...and them. Only that will provide you some peace.
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