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We are trying to keep my MIL with moderate dementia in her own house as long as possible. We monitor her on security cameras as she refuses to wear a fall alarm. It is not a good solution, but she is super stubborn and fights almost everything we do. What are we supposed to do? Staple the alarm to her? We cannot force her into a care facility. Her PCP says she should be in one.


A new problem we have encountered is meals. We had been stocking her freezer with frozen meals (Marie Calendar, etc.) and her fridge with deli items, grab and eat and things I had cooked as she hasn't cooked in the last two years. I found a freezer meal in her microwave Friday. It was still there Sunday. What is she doing with food? We can't tell what she eats and what she throws away.


I tried something new. I pulled granola and cereal bars out of their boxes and put them into a basket as she was not eating them out of the boxes. That seems to interest her more and signal FOOD. I had been leaving each food item I had prepared in a plastic container with a red lid in her fridge. Recently, those don't seem to have been opened. This week I have tried plating her food into meals on divided plates with clear covers. My husband say he observed her taking a bite or two out of each of the six meals I had plated yesterday. She lives 3 miles away and we are newly retired, so running food over two or three times a week is not an issue. How can we do better on her being able to recognize and access meals? We don't do going over for every meal. Living with us is a no go. We do have our boundaries too.


We know that some type of care facility is in her near future. We know we are only playing a delay game to make her remaining time a pleasant as possible. Her doctor is arranging a visiting nurse to help with things she won't let us do like personal care and bathing.

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Margie, I commend you and your husband for the loving care you are providing. It’s not easy. I think one additional thing I would do in your shoes would be to have one of you go over every day (or hire someone) and either share a meal with her or visit while you provide the meal. It’s clear she is not capable anymore of feeding herself well. We’ve been down the road of leaving meals in the refrigerator and freezer and feeling the frustration when they’re not touched. And yet, for us, when we eat with my father-in-law, he is a hearty eater. If you knew she had one good meal a day, I would think you could relax a little.

Best to all of you! It’s so hard!
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Your MIL needs a caregiver.

My friend’s mom has dementia, too. It doesn’t occur to her to eat. The only solution was for my friend to hire a caregiver who helps the mom eat: breakfast, lunch, dinner + snacks. She eats now.

VentingisSNACK
(I wish it wouldn’t occur to me to eat. A few pounds overweight)
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Is there a trusted friend or neighbor that would be willing to stop in and check in at one meal a day?
We made my granny cute reminder pictures in cheap type frames when she started with dementia.
"Hey beautiful, in case we forgot to tell you ___ made your favorite food in the red bowl in the refrigerator, all you have to do is put it in the microwave-shut the door and push that yellow button"
By the microwave the note said.
"STAY HERE UNTIL YOU HEAR THOSE ANNOYING BEEPS WHICH TELLS YOU THAT YOUR FOOD IS READY. IT MAY BE HOT SO USE THE OVEN MIT HANGING UNDER THIS PICTURE "

We made her a collection of index cards that she kept in her pocket. Start early and it will be 2nd nature once dementia advances.

Her doctor was impressed that everyone was eager to chip in to keep her in her home as long as possible. And she was right on target when she Said
Your gonna miss this and wish the time didn't go so fast.

RIP TO THE WOMAN WHO WOULD HAVE GAVE EVERYTHING FOR HER FAMILY. can't wait to see you again.

Sorry for rambling
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Update. MIL had her third fall in a month's time. The hospital did workups and found no cause. She will be in rehab for a little while on discharge unless she refuses. Her kidneys showed some stress from dehydration. (AKI). While she does not qualify for full nursing or memory care, the hospital staff all agreed that assisted living would be a great solution. She would have meals provided, get social stimulation and also mental stimulation. She is basically rotting in her house. Since my husband is her only living relative ALL her care falls on us. There is no where for her in our house (it is full, no ground floor bathroom), we would have to provide her meals and encourage her to eat and drink, and monitor her for falls and provide social and mental stimulation. That is pretty much full time care. I know some of you wonderful people do that. We would prefer assisted living because she is so incredibly uncooperative with us.
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Get help! Soon she will be hungry and not connect it to the need to eat. We ordered moms meals for a while and that was helpful when she could use the microwave. Sounds like Monday - Friday 10-7 might work for now - they can make sure she has BLD and meds along with company that isn’t you.
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I think the meal issue could be eating alone. My mom started eating out alot for lunch after dad died. She started having trouble swallowing while out for a meal. When i brought food to her and ate w her no prblm. Eating out w her no swallowing problem. This was 25 years ago. We went thru all the same steps you have taken since then. Had to toss an old microwave out bec of forgotten food that had become a plate of fuzz. She began to fix sandwiches and started eating ice cream for supper. Ice cream on a stick was a fav for awhile. One decent meal plus snacks is good for a senior who is not active. If you are still cooking invite her over once a week to eat with y’all. If her husband is recently gone then she misses him at meals. I really feel for you as you navigate thru this stage. We, too, kept mom at home as long as possible till age 90.
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healthy choice snacking all day was our answer. Mom had a bowl next to her favorite chair and she could take anything out of it she wanted anytime she wanted to. Meals were hard for her, even with small portions and finger foods. We did add vitamins and ensure/boost drinks to compensate for any missing nutrients.
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This is a case where “keeping her in her house as long as possible” isn’t helping her. Quite the opposite.
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MargieRKB: Your MIL cannot nor should not live in her own house any longer. She requires managed care facility living, most likely memory care. Her malfunctioning brain does not dictate how and where she will live going forward.
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Sorry MIL is IMPOSSIBLE! My mom with dementia is in AL. She didn't want to go but I, as her POA, set it up, signed the papers and told her 2 days in advance that she was moving out of my house into AL. Not in a mean or angry way, just matter of factly.

She might want to stay in her house as long as possible but it is NOT working. She is not safe and is not at all independent. She will never be able to recognize this with her dementia.

You can try to limp it along if you want to but I would put my energy into finding a place and getting her moved ASAP. I know that's now what you asked for help with but this is the best path for you to take.
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Listen to the doctor. I wish that I had. My mom's PCP recommended she not live alone, possibly AL. I took her to my condo, ostensibly for a "visit" to try to show her it was a nice area.

The second night she was there, she attacked me while I was sleeping. Had no idea that I was her daughter who has been close to her for my entire life. I'm lucky she did not think to use a kitchen knife or something equally as dangerous. It was the single most horrifying situation I've been through. She was delusional and hallucinating. My own beloved mother. I would never wish that on anyone. And getting her into a memory care took a few days. It was awful to have to barricade my bedroom door every night to ensure that there wasn't a repeat of the attack. I was lucky and had scouted out several very nice MC near my home. It helped to already have the contacts and be able to get her someplace that was safe for both of us.

We do not know how our loved ones will react when they have dementia. I had a difficult time believing some of the stories I heard from others until I had to live through a nightmare.
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Fawnby Aug 2023
I knew a dementia patient who hallucinated that he was channeling a dead acquaintance. At the time he was on his porch. He was waving his arms around and talking almost like someone speaking in tongues. This went on for twenty minutes or more. His wife watched from inside the house, letting it go on because she didn’t know what to do. He then “woke up” and went inside to tell his wife that he was talking to this dead person and the person told him he’d committed suicide (definitely not true). Then he told his wife that he too could commit suicide the same way by shooting himself in the head.

If someone with dementia can get this far with such hallucinations, no telling what the next hallucination would cause him to do, such as harm to someone in the household. Never think it couldn’t happen. They do not and cannot think normally.
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Try to set up a Meals on Wheels program for her. The volunteers not only deliver food but make sure they start eating them. Many times, those with dementia will eat more when meal time is a social occasion. You may have to find ways to incorporate "visitors" during her mealtimes or invite her over for meals.
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She doesn’t need help. She’s got you propping her up making her believe she is independent. You have to stop doing that for her sake … as well as yours.

The first thing they did with my father at his memory care was put him on a schedule. We were shocked! After YEARS of being up all night and sleeping late in the day, he was going to bed at 9 and getting up at 7. Within days they had this done. He has adjusted well and though still asks when he’s going home, he’s getting more social interaction than he has had in years.

If things weren’t so relatively easy and pleasant at her house (because you prop her up and do everything for her) she might be more willing to hear to other ideas. I’d unplug the stove or disconnect the gas immediately. Any appliances that can cause fire - unplug or remove.

Also look around at the house you will have to clean out. Is there any of that you can get started on when you do visit? Fill up her garbage can when you put it out each week at the very least. People have a shocking amount of stuff in their closets and cabinets, basements and garages …
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Have your MIL talk with a social worker to convince her to move into a memory care facility. Her condition is not safe for her to live alone or fall on any family.
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I highly suggest starting with a part time caregiver. Some agencies have people who will work four hour shifts. For my mom we had one lady who covered breakfast & lunch. Another lady came in the evening for dinner & the bedtime routine. Mom took a long afternoon nap everyday so no need for someone to watch her sleep.

Tell mom either this or assisted living because she needs help.

Who knows what she is doing with her medications.

Maybe her doctor can make sone recommendations.
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What makes you think delaying time to go into good facility is making it ‘as pleasant as possible’. In a nice private memory care she would be safe and cared for … she’d have activities and people talk with … music and exercise physios occupational therapy and eyes in her
24/7 … and she wouldn’t be isolated
at home
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I’m sorry for you. It really sounds like she either thinks she already ate or that she is not hungry so she doesn’t eat.

She is basically starving herself. What is happening with the laundry or the cleaning of the general area where she lives? Does she take any medications? How does the trash leave the house?

I would start looking for places to place her. Some of these places have long waits. Unless she is a wanderer, she might not have to go into Memory Care. She might be able to be placed in Assisted Living with additional care to ensure she gets enough nourishment to sustain her. The extra activities will also help her mentally.
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Okay I had a super long saga that didn’t send but from personal experience here’s my 2 cents. Mom with dementia for over 10 years. Dad is major caregiver. 3 years at home the rest in IL community. Dad did less and less with her to now almost no activities because her constant questioning and inappropriate comments are too much for him. For 3 years or so mom has done next to nothing. Gets up at noon, dresses herself, bathes maybe once a week with caregiver assistance (and lots of arguing) never brushes her teeth etc etc. doesn’t watch tv, sits and dozed on and off all day. Wants light off, drapes closed and no noise. Walks to meals 2x/day only because dad refuses to bring meals to her. She physical is completely unimpaired. This was a person who was wicked smart and read 4 books a week. She still reads every sign she passes. But doesn’t want to leave her chair or bed. Doesn’t want to read the menu to decide on meals. Even if dad agrees to move her to MC or AL now she has done nothing for too long and isn’t interested is anything now. We’ve missed our window. She will end up in MC or AL the minute Dad has an event that renders him unable to care for her. But her quality of life left years ago.
If her PCP says she should be in AC and it certainly sounds like the risks and downward slide is outweighing the benefits of being in her own home I would move her sooner than later. A Place for Mom has been invaluable in helping us multiple times find amazing places for our parents. It doesn’t have to be the horror story you hear about especially if mom has finances behind her that you talk about for home care and with your involvement.
This is a long ball game and your caregiving will not end with placement in AL. But you need to not burn out at this point so you have the bandwidth for the long haul. It can be years and even decades. Good luck.
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MargieRKB Aug 2023
We tried to get her into assisted living two years ago. It was like going 60 MPH into a brick wall. I AM NOT LEAVING MY HOUSE!!!!! We wanted the stimulation, the socialization, the meals provided, the side trips, the onsite beauty salon, the 24/7 aides, the movies and everything to make her last years more wonderful. We found some good and some great places. BUT NO. I am so freaking tired of everything being NO. No bath chair, no walk-in bath tub, no fall alert/lifeline, no extra handsets for phone, no HHC, no beauty shop, no move anything in her house, get these people out of my house for her 95th birthday party no, no. no. no. All of this would help KEEP her in her house and she still says NO>We tried to get her to do respite care so we could go on vacation. It turned into a shouting match (she is almost deaf). When she refused, we went anyway. We talked with our lawyer about making her go into a care facility. Was told she was not bad enough for guardianship and we could not make her. Have talked to lawyers, her PCP and a friend who was a hospice nurse. We are stuck with this until she ends up in the hospital. AND THEN. I have plans I hope I can get to work. She will not be returning home. She is going somewhere for "rehab" until she is "doing better." And if it is a bad place, too bad. You had chances at nice places. Right now, I am only bringing her food, checking on her cat and looking for anything out of order in her house, including food in the microwave. We also monitor her security cameras which she does not understand, to see if she is down and can't get up. She has No'd me and her son, her only family, too many times.

I sound so nasty and crabby. It was so different with my mother who lived to be the same age as my MIL. She'd tell me I need this done. I can't reach that. Would you help me with this? We would visit and talk about her memories. We would look at old pictures. We did pedicures on her fungus messed up toenails. (that was a job!) I lived 2 hours away, so when I came, I tried to get some major things done for her. Major bathroom cleaning, house cleaning. My sister did grocery store and errand running. A neighbor took her to church. My mother even checked herself into assisted living for respite care for a few weeks. My grandmother checked herself into a nursing home as living with family would not work. The staff loved her. She made good friends with her roommate and wasn't as lonely. She had many visitors. This is how I expected old age to be, not the NO monster.
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Consider 'milk shakes' of healthy nutrients.
I have a Bullet and make yogurt, fruit (incl a couple of prunes) and many other things. If she'll drink it, she'll get lots of nutrition.

I add:

banana
yogurt
piece of ginger root; piece of garlic (you cannot taste it)
Cinnamon - 1 teaspoon
strawberries (I buy from Costo / frozen)
Collogen (powder)
Chia seeds (don't recommend as they can / do get stuck in teeth)
Lion's mane
a bit of almond butter or (raw) almonds

You can try out different things. It all blends although be aware of the crunchy tings like almonds, if she can't chew them up.

Liquid: coconut water, juice, or some kind of milk-like liquid.
You can also freeze juice in an ice cube tray if you want more cold.

And, I make enough for two days. You can put in previous water bottles so keep a few on hand.

Gena / Touch Matters
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MargieRKB Aug 2023
Discovered she will drink off brand ensure. She's a nurse, so afraid if she sees ensure will think she is in bad shape.
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Don’t know if this applies in your situation, I found this info online re Aricept:

”Some studies have found that Aricept can make a certain form of dementia worse. Specifically, Aricept may worsen dementia caused by frontotemporal lobar degeneration (FTLD). According to the National Institute on Aging , FTLD is the leading cause of dementia in people younger than age 60.”
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TouchMatters Aug 2023
What is Aricept? And thank you for this information. Gena
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She should not be alone.
She either needs 12/7 (or overnight 24/7) caregivers or in a facility.
There comes a point where the family / whoever has legal authority needs to make decisions.

You cannot leave it up to a person with dementia to make their own decisions involving their well-being. If / whoever has legal authority (and I hope all this is in order) needs to make decisions - and deal with her feelings about it as they occur.

You want to acknowledge her concerns although not agree with her.
She will not want nor like anything new or any changes. This is a given.

If you do not get / have MD authorization of her dementia / health, call the APS to do an investigation.

As you say here "... make her reamining time as pleasant as possible."
NO. You are not really doing this. You are reacting out of fear (and caring) although your logic is misplaced due to emotional filters (caring).

This cannot continue on as it is.
If it does, it is a major accident or situation waiting to happen - and then you not only pick up the pieces and MAKE arrangements ASAP [which is harder and you don't want this ... ], you then also need to deal with an elder loved one who is injured and in (more/major) pain, both physical and mental.

You do not want to wait until this scenario happens.

If you do not know what your legal rights are, see an attorney specializing in elder care (and legal documents giving you / family authority to manage her life).

Gena / Touch Matters
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Fawnby Aug 2023
Totally totally totally agree! So many people think they can ward off the inevitable, but it is still inevitable. Rude Aunt said very huffily when I was dad's caregiver, "You shouldn't treat him like he has something wrong with him! Okay, you do what you want, but it's not good for him! Let him do for himself! He does NOT have dementia! He's just bored! I'm going to treat him like the man he always was!" Blah blah blah, day after day. And she was rarely there and never helped with his care or anything related to it.

Dad had dementia and lymphoma and died a very much different man than he always was. Throughout, my care and supervision was aimed toward taking care of the person he was on THAT DAY. And he was a different person on EACH day.
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It sounds like she needs to be in a facility. In memory care, rather than have a whole bunch of options, my mom was shown only 2 dishes for choice. Lunch was the large meal of the day because many residents sundown and only snack.
Your last ditch effort might be to hire someone to make sure a meal is put in front of her and ensures that she eats something.
And yes you can move her. Her doctor will sign the papers of commitment. If you search for facilities, you can ask about creating a ruse to physically get her there. They have experienced it.
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You may be giving her too many options on food and she is suffering from not being able to choose. Why not try just bringing her a plate or two of whatever you are cooking every couple of days with saran wrap on it so she can see it. Make sure she has seasonings she can add to it. As we age our taste buds dull and food tastes more bland. give her some other easy to eat foods-cereal bars like Nutrigagrain that are soft to chew. Yougurt or applesauce or fruit cups. Boost type drinks. Maybe schedule one dinner meal at her house each week for the whole family to give her some social interaction and make mealtime pleasant and appealing. Just some thoughts.
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You're 3 miles away. "We" doesn't have to go daily. Hubs could go mid-day and check on things. It's his mom. Perhaps he goes 4x and week and you go 3x. Take a sandwich or covered plate. If it appears she ate, leave the food on counter for next meal. A couple times a week, both of you could actually sit down and eat with her and talk. The more time she spends alone without engaging her thoughts and brain, the more she's losing. She really needs observation on skills she is losing. There's no plate, bowl or container that's going to fix her broken brain into understanding it means 'meal time'.

Dropping in is a good time to take a peek around the house - just because you say she hasn't cooked in a long time doesn't mean she won't suddenly forget she no longer cooks and turns on a burner or oven.

Might be time to figure out the finances. Does she have enough money to go to facility care? If yes, she has enough to hire some folks to go to the house. Since she can be a little ornery, get the hired help to identify themselves as being sent by the doctor. If hubs isn't going to check on his mom every day and you are firm on "we" don't do this or that, use her funds to help keep her in her own home where things are familiar by hiring help. I would hold back placing her in a facility as long as possible - if she understands she is being forced to go, she's going to spend her days sad and angry in a strange place...until her thoughts are totally lost to the disease.
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sp196902 Aug 2023
Totally agree.
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I have read your question and some of the responses. I am caregiver for my husband whom is likely at similar stage of Alzheimers as your MIL. He also wants to remain at home which I am striving to make happen. Everyone is different in regard to their tolerance for risk. At this stage for my husband, I don't feel it is safe for him to be alone for extended periods of time. He cannot remember how to call me most times that review with him how to reach me. He can't serve a meal for himself without my guidance. (Last night I put entire meal in front of him with salad dressing in bottle. He poured dressing on his pasta.) He can't find his ballgames on streaming television on his own. He often can't use his ipad without some guidance. There are so many more issues. He doesn't complain about these things. I observe them. I suggest that you spend an entire day and night with her to get a good read on her functioning. I believe you will be surprised at what you haven't been aware of about the progression of this disease. I compare this stage to parenting a 2 or 3 year old. What they want may not be in their best interest. They might be okay without supervision but it doesn't seem worth the risk in my husband's case. Bless you for you loving attention to your MIL. I wish for you and yours wisdom and peace.
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Be sure that you have in place POA and other legal decisions making paperwork to make decisions for her " safety" . As her PCP has identified her " level of care needs" as facility based, please move forward to decide on a correct facility, call transport services and have them transport her into the facility. This may sound harsh, but it is for her " safety" and you are following physician orders/ recommendations. Her dementia diagnosis will not allow her to " understand", nor to make " safe" decisions nor to retain directions or information given to her. Expect her to fight the move in some way, cry, be beligerant, accuse, inflict guilt, etc into you/ family.( All normal behaviors experienced by many others). You can try to tell her that you love her, and are moving her for safety reasons per her physician; but don't expect her to understand, accept nor comply.
Take care of yourself!!!
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Reading through these excellent posts one thing stands out - that many of the suggestions assume (or continue to hope) that mom can manage these things on her own. If you don’t leave as much food, she won’t be confused and will be more likely to eat. If you this, if you that……it will all be fine for a while.

But it won’t. Mom can’t handle living alone at home anymore! One suggestion might work fine for a week or two, and then something worse happens like she’s peeing in the corner of her room because she can’t remember what the toilet is for. And she’s still forgetting to eat and take her meds. And so on.

She has a serious illness that will eventually kill her. In the meantime, she’s engaging in harmful behaviors and being enabled by her loving family.

Take off the blinders and stop looking for hope because that’s holding up finding a place where this poor sick woman can be cared for 24/7.
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Sarah3 Aug 2023
your comment assumes many things that weren’t said or even alluded to, she’s not a “poor sick woman” she has moderate dementia and at this point is able to remain in her long time home. Those who have experience w seniors know that drastic changes to what they have always known is often detrimental to their well being, staying at home as long as she’s able to is a good thing. Your extreme language such as her illness will “kill her” and they’re enabling is false and offensive to the family Im sure. This is supposed to be a place of support and compassion not denigrating family who’s clearly involved checking in and seeing her regularly, ensuring she has what she needs etc.
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Your MIL's disease has progressed, as these things do, and more of her brain has atrophied.
She isn't remembering how to do meal set up or even if she's eaten, and she's unable to recognize when she's hungry.
My own experience with this phase was that she will not be able to adapt to anything new, including reminders, notes, etc. She's past that point, and will not be able to pick up a new routine.
If she's missing meals, she's missing meds too.
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MargieRKB Aug 2023
Amazingly her only medicine is Aricept (donepezil). She seems unable to learn new things - and has been that way for the past 2 years. Used to love to get on her computer to read the news. Stopped that in 2019. She has just stopped watching TV this summer. Used to do that for 2+ hours every evening.
Tried her on a puzzle today - an easy one for 8+ year olds. She was finally able to put a few pieces together. It's a world map, so should not be hard. A lot of cognitive function is gone. Except the word NO nursing home.
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Margie,

I see you are checking off all the boxes.

PCP care plan with HHC on the way. Cameras, Legal Advice, Boundaries…
Good for you.

Re: Food
What I learned along the way is make it easy for them to see what is available.

Make it attractive. Cut sandwiches in four neat squares. Or strips or triangles. If you use the divided containers you can put a couple of sides like apple slices with peanut butter or a little box of raisins or a scoop of pasta or fruit salad. A small piece of chocolate. or a few kisses if she likes chocolate.

Don’t put too much in the fridge at once. It is overwhelming to them. Puddings, fruit cups, sandwiches, deviled eggs, cheese sticks, etc all can be placed in a dish with clear plastic on top or in a baggy. Easy to see what is in it.
You can also put a couple of your red topped containers to see if she is curious enough to open. She probably won’t remember what you tell her is in them. Notice if they are easy for her to open, carry etc.

If you make a batch of dinners ahead of time, put a freezer tape strip on top with the date. This is for you, not her. This way you can quickly discard what is past its date. Store them in a garage fridge or one at your house. When you go over, take just enough in. Put small cups of ice cream in her freezer if she likes ice cream. Aunt loved it but after her dementia advanced, she would forget about it unless a commercial came on for ice cream.

Near where she usually sits, place a protein drink and several small bottles of water with the lid loosened. I usually put 2 or 3 at a time but they were checked daily. If you won’t be back for 3 days, put 6 out. Pay attention to how many are gone. She may drink tap water if that is her habit. Fill a few glasses and put where she will see them.
The chocolate FairLife brand is a good protein drink (30 grams) to try. We need 90 grams of protein a day. Hard to get for most of us. We also need a good deal of fiber 35 grams is my goal. Also hard to get. Read labels. Benefiber is tasteless and no unpleasant texture. Just stir a couple of spoons in her drink when you visit. But don’t give too much fiber if she isn’t drinking enough liquid. A good multi vitamin, Vit D3 and fish oil are all helpful supplements. Vit D can help her mood if she is deficient, most are. She probably is.

Put a lined garbage can near wherever she sits. Pay attention to what is in the garbage. Sometimes you might find things you would rather keep. (teeth, glasses, remote, spoons). Also find those things in her chair, under the bed etc. At min you will know what food she threw away….unless she has a dog she is feeding the food to. That happens.

Put a pretty dish by her chair with spoons. Also have napkins, wipes handy. I kept a bowl of fruit nearby. A couple of bananas, cuties. Someone recently recommended a small frig near where they sit. They are very reasonable these days and she might look in for watermelon or a quick sandwich if it is right there.
I always brought fresh flowers on the regular. Balloons were a treat as well.

If you could find someone who would work a couple of hours each morning it’s the best help. I had to find some one to give thyroid Med before coffee. Hard to hire someone for just one hour. But I found a great lady for two hours. She made a hot breakfast each morning, helped aunt take meds, get dressed, watched out for the dog, interacted with MOW, therapists, home health, ran the vacuum and mopped. We loved her. Later on she worked 3 hours and would get lunch ready before she left. Would come when an antibiotic needed to be given, the plumber was on the way, etc etc.

Take the knobs off the stove and ask home health to bring in a therapist for evaluation. Will help with the arthritis, balance etc.
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MargieRKB Aug 2023
This is exactly what I was looking for. I checked the divided containers with clear lids two days later. I was hoping she'd see these as whole meals because of the way I put them, but she is just grazing. I will remember what you said about too many choices. I put 6 in her
fridge. Thought that should last 3 to 6 days. Two days later there are
still 6 meals, some with bites missing....I think I need to take them
over 4 or less at a time. She has eaten the strawberries out of them. She also ate the bowl of melon pieces. She ate a bunch of fresh pickled cukes. Would not touch them before I sliced and dressed them although she has salad dressing in her fridge. She had potatoes on her counter for months but didn't do a thing with them. I turned them into mashed potatoes and now she sees them as food. Will just have to see how this develops. Hoping the HHC nurse will be able to asssess the situation better and make recommendations. She snarfs baked goods like cookies and muffins. She is also diabetic, untreated. A1c is 7.9. She denies being diabetic. Denial is so huge.
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Your DH has POA. Your MIL, from your post, can no longer do for herself. She is forgetting to feed herself. What instead of a microwave, your MIL left something unattended on the stove. Read the POA, is it immediate or do u need a doctor to say Mom is now incompetent? You have a doctor telling you she should be placed. Get it in writing. You don't take her to tour ALs, you do the touring. Pick a nice one near you and take her. She can no longer make decisions concerning her safety.

My Mom was in her final stages when I placed her. I told her the day we took her she was going to a new apartment and would make new friends. I was lucky, she acclimated well. Your MIL should not be alone now.
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