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My mom is 67 years old and has been having some memory loss for awhile now (i.e. forgetting children's birthdays, recipes). Over the last year she has been progressively more paranoid. She thinks my dad has been rearranging her stuff and hiding stuff from her. I didn't think much of it since I thought normal aging would cause lack of remembering birth dates and she has always been a bit paranoid about people touching her stuff. Since I was a child, she has always kept her pocketbook right next to her even going as far as sitting on it. In the past month, everything has gotten way worse. She started thinking that her next door neighbors are fighting at night and that the husband is abusing the wife. She tells these elaborate tales of him making his wife dig medication out of the ground and the girl running down the street screaming. I know none of this is true because I live across the street from my mom. That has progressed within a month to her believing the man is saying her name and is going to burn down her house. In the past 2 weeks, she has started having more hallucinations. She calls me every night around 10pm saying that people are outside. The other night she thought someone was trying to steal their truck. Last night, she thought my brothers ex-wife was outside saying that my nephew had died. She even asked me if he was dead today. My brother called saying she was talking to a woman through the vent today as well. When I asked her about it, she said it was the woman next door. I asked her what she said. She told me that she said she was from my mom's childhood neighborhood and that she has a child by my dad. I have tried to convince her to go to the doctor, but she says she doesn't have the money. I have offered to pay for the visit, but she makes other excuses. I have begged her to let me go to the doctor with her when she has her regular checkups, but she won't. My father will not listen to reasoning and help me out. He just says she's a liar or says he will tell the doctor, but never does. My brothers have issues with drug abuse and are in and out of jail, so there is no real help there. The only reason my brother told me about the vent talking today was because he was afraid my dad was going to throw him out and he needed a place to stay. So, here I am, asking for help. I don't know what to do. Today she barely even seemed to know she was talking to me and only wanted to talk about the woman in the vent. She has had issues with pain pill addictions in the past, but has never had issues like these arise with them. She recently had an issue with really low potassium and had to take pills for it. Maybe she is having that issue again? Maybe it is dementia? Lord, I hope not. I love her so much and don't want her to go through anymore pain in her life than she already has. How do I help her if she won't let me go to the doctor with her? Could this be something besides dementia? Thank you for taking the time to read this. Any help would be appreciated.

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There are many possibilities and others on this site have related experiences. Urinary Track infections (UTI) can cause behavior like this. So can dehydration. Help her increase her intake (especially cranberry juice) and that could help IF this is the problem. Hypo thyroidism causes behavioral changes when it is not addressed. 67 is YOUNG for routine memory issues. Add what you have described and it appears there is something truly wrong. Depending upon how gullible she is, you may tell her she has to have her annual exam or her medical insurance won't cover her. (Is she on Medicare, annual exams are no charge to the patient. ) Can you make an appointment and then take her out to lunch and then just stop at the medical office? I'd hate to see her go down this road if it is something that is easily treated. Keep us posted.
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Thank you for your response Geewiz. Thank you for taking the time to listen and offer suggestions. I truly appreciate it.
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Oh I'm so sorry. I don't have any advice for this situation, unfortunately, but my heart goes out to you. This stuff with our parents is just brutal.
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Thank you Xinabess. You are right... it is brutal.
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Perturbed...............

Just take your mom in to the MD. Does she need a referral from the PCP to see a Psychiatrist or not? If yes, get it. If not, get doctors names from PCP as far as where he/she would recommend you take mom.

Don't ask her, don't beg her, just take her when the day comes. Take her in, (sorry, it is like kidnapping), but there is no other alternative (in my book).

You may say it is YOUR doctor's appointment and you NEED her to accompany you.......................... w h a t e v e r.

You need professional help. What you describe is highly unusual, and pretty scary. Who knows what else is going on INSIDE the house............the fact that your brother found out about the "vent" conversation was purely accidental. She needs an evaluation..............
To the ones that know "LEGALESE", can perturbed get a Baker Act on her mom???

M 8 8
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Your mother is younger than the average AD patient, I would guess. But it's not unheard of a person her age or younger, to be afflicted, unfortunately. She needs to see a doctor as soon as possible. Sounds like anti-anxiety meds would help but a doctor would need to prescribe. You said she can't afford to go, what about Medicare ?- she qualified at 65. Or Medicaid?
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Depending on your mom's doctors (and how competent they seem) I would either take her for a full medical work-up or take her to the Emergency Room and report what she's experiencing. You can tell your mom you're worried that she has an infection, which is true. An untreated urinary tract infection could be causing this (possibly).

But I think if she's had problems with pain pill addictions in the past, it's a greater likelihood that she's abusing prescription medications or is having a bad reaction to some medication she's taking. If that's a possibility, I wouldn't take her to the doctor who is prescribing those to her - he or she is obviously not monitoring your mom well. If that's her regular doctor, I'd take her to the ER and have them do a full work up and toxicology screen, if they will do that.

I'm almost your mom's age and her behavior is NOT anything near normal or normal aging. She's got something major going on that needs immediate attention. Good luck and please come back and keep us posted on what you do. We learn from each other.
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My mom is on Medicare. I have offered to pay for the visit, but she still won't go. Thank you all for the suggestions/answers provided so far. I do appreciate all of this help and will keep you updated.
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uuuu Blannie, good points ! ! !

M88
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Is she afraid of the cost or what they'll find? Can you find out what pills she's taking (if she's taking pills)?
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Perturbed, if your mother doesn't have the Medicare and You 2016 booklet, call Medicare and order it. It will provide basic explanation on how Medicare works, services that are covered and those that are not.

A visit to an internist or PCP would likely be covered, so neither you nor your mother should have to worry about a large out of pocket expense. I think your mother is (a) just using cost as an excuse not to go and/or (b) may suspect something's wrong with her and is afraid to find out.

I agree with others; she needs to see a doctor to confirm she doesn't have a UTI, to do blood work to determine residue levels of the pain pills, and determine if she has any other issues that would be reflected through blood work.
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blannie...She will not let me see her medication and only tells me some of what she is on. I know she takes blood pressure medication (not sure the names), Wellbutrin, Albuterol(sp?), and she used to take two different pain medications (I think one of them was furinol (sp?) with codeine (for migraines) and the other was narco (sp?)(had hip replacement in 2011, says it still hurts)). I have called her out a few times on those because she would take most of them the week that she got them and would have slurred speech etc. So, she started telling me that she no longer gets them, although I am pretty sure that she does (still has slurred speech at the beginning and end of the month). She was recently diagnosed with osteoporosis and is supposed to be going to a doctor for that in a few weeks. They gave her some sort of medication for that, but she did not tell me the name. It is difficult to sneak a peek, as she is always with me when I am there. I have looked around here and there when in the bathroom and kitchen, but have not found any medication other than OTC stuff. I believe she may keep all of her medicine in her purse which never leaves her side. She even puts it under her side of the bed when she is sleeping. We had an argument just today about going to the doctor. I begged her. I told her I just wanted to make sure that she was not having a bad reaction to her medication and/or that she was not having potassium issues again. She got angry with me and said that I need to mind my own business. She said she just had blood work done and that I could call the doctor and ask them if I didn't believe her (although I am pretty sure she has not had any done because she was complaining about her doctor not doing blood work just last month). She won't go anywhere with me anymore (that stopped over a year ago, she always has excuses), so it will be hard to "trick" her into going to the doctor. However, I will still try to use some of the many great suggestions made here and see if they work. Thank you all again for your help and suggestions. :-)
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Thank you GardenArtist. I will look for that right now. :-)
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Norco? That is basically Vicodin. My mother use to abuse oxycodone- same thing - I could always tell when she'd get a new refill - slurred speech, vague gazes, unable to converse. Only once in the several years of abuse did she actually hallucinate - thought that a tall man was lerking around her apartment. Do not underestimate what a UTI can do. My father had an undiagnosed UTI when he was admitted to rehab. He called me asking for me to come pick him up - in Corvallis which is two hours away from Portland, where he was. Dad thought he was in my old college town, staying in my old sorority. He believed all the nurses were my sorority sisters and instead of their uniforms he thought they were all in lingerie! Much later when dad was well he told me he still found it hard to believe that it hadn't happened- that he had never been at my sorority. Dad said it was that real!
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theres only one possible explanation for a talking vent -- shrooms ..
her supplyer wont be hard to find . hes probably been wearing the same bell bottomed jeans since 1977 . probably rides a bicycle ..
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What you have described is addiction behaviors. Hers are serious.
1) Stop going over there at all.
2) When you see her passed out on the lawn, call 911. Do not pick her up or rescue her. They cannot help her unless they see her in that condition. She may be admitted to a rehab.
3) In the meantime, inform her doctor and pharmacist in writing that she is abusing her meds, taking too many, sharing them with her addict son (prescription drug diversion); and they will be held responsible.
4) Or, just let her live her life the way she has chosen, because
5) NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED.
6) PLAN TO MOVE IF YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL WITH HELPING HER.

PEACE.
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Captain, Are you sure that Meth would not explain the vent talking?
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Check the nearest backpack.
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Yeah, your mom's behavior with her meds isn't normal and would indicate major addiction issues. Sendme2help has some good suggestions. You can't help mom unless she wants help. So maybe back off for a while? If she calls you for help, insist she go to the doctor.
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I know this is serious, but I have to admit I chuckled a little at Captain's post. Thanks for the chuckle Captain. Rainmom, I think it could be Norco or at least that is what it sounded like she called it. Sendme2help/Blannie, logically your suggestions make perfect sense, but the rest of me wonders how/if I can do that? I have thought that this could possibly be addiction related. But, at the same time, her mother had dementia. So, then I ask myself if I would be abandoning her in her time of need. I do know that there is not much I can do if she doesn't want my help though. It is just hard (I'm sure you guys understand what I mean). Thank you again for listening/suggesting/offering a shoulder to cry on. It really means so much to me. Hugs to all of you and please know that I am here for you too if you ever need anything.
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i can be sincere too if necessary . i dont think opiates such as norco could cause hallucinations . more like a UTI and / or very late stage dementia . you oughta get on the other side of that vent and con her into seeing her doc . almost as good -- put a bowl in the toilet and capture her urine then take it to the doc .
my late aunt got on a two week kick telling me she wasnt sure exactly how old she was but it was definately over 300 . ( UTI )
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My mom had hallucinations coming off vicodin
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Both my parents would hallucinate like crazy after a couple of days on morphine. A dr explained to me that certain pain killers are processed easier than others - some by the kidneys and some by the liver etc. In people with poor kidney or liver functions/disease the pain medication can be so poorly processed that it builds up to become like a mega dose - thus the hallucinations. As it happens oxycodone is one pain medication that is easily processes - many elderly folks will do better
on that vs morphine or codeine - which is processed by the body as morphine.
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Perturbed, The caregivers on here taught me the difference between helping and rescuing. Learning a lot more by reading on narcissists, there is even a thread on how to help someone with a parent (mother) who is a narcissist.

In addition to your mother and family (not an accusation) having issues with Rx drugs and addiction, this may be what is going on, and you may be the victim of their lies instead of the person to be helping. You can look into this and the family dynamics, and save yourself.

Living across the street from brothers with issues concerning jail due to drug abuse can put ypu in danger. Want to start by assuring your safety? Locking doors, windows, protecting self from identity theft?

How did you come to be living across the street?

My sympathies.
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Hello Everyone! Sorry I have not responded to your posts. I feel like my life ended Thursday morning. My mom finally called an ambulance knowing she needed help. When the ambulance arrived, my dad attacked the drivers (he has an AVM of the brain and sometimes has seizures that cause him to be aggressive). As a result, both my mom and dad were admitted to the psychiatric unit. My dad was the released the next day and my mom was involuntarily committed to a facility over 100 miles from our home. Long story short, they say that she will be there at least another 7-21 days. I am going crazy. I love my mom more than myself. They told me nothing. I did not even know they were moving her there. I tried contacting person after person, but no one would tell me anything. My mom finally called me and said "They are taking me to jail." She only has a third grade education and did not understand what was going on. I feel like this is all my fault. I just want her home right now. But no one will tell me anything. I have called the social worker over and over and left messages. I've left messages for the doctor. I am allowed to visit her and she is now very depressed and crying to come home. I cannot just leave her there. It is like prison there. She is only going to get worse. She is doing better now. No hallucinations. Her potassium was 2.9 when they checked it and a nurse would only tell me that they have diagnosed her with neurocognitive disorder and psychosis. I feel like I am dying inside. I just want her home and don't know how to go about doing it. I have read they can keep her indefinitely. Is that true? I am so scared. My blood pressure has not dropped below 190/110 since Thursday even though I am taking my meds for it. I have power of attorney, but that does not seem to matter. I contacted an attorney and they said they could not help, I contacted the disability advocates office and they said there is nothing I can do. They won't even talk to us about moving her closer to home. She does not do well in stressful situations and gets easily confused. She was crying to me saying she does not know how to answer their questions and she just wants to die if they are going to make her stay there forever. She has NEVER said that. She has always been full of life and loved it. She has been my rock. She just started having these bad troubles in the last month. I am so scared. I just want my mom to come home. I know that sounds like something a child would say. Please forgive the incoherence. I am just in a bad place right now. Thank you all for listening and if you pray, please send one up for us.
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Miss Perturbed,

Deep breath and count this hospitalization as a blessing.

Mom is at the RIGHT place, at the RIGHT time.

You begged for help, and it came!

She's in good hands, probably going through withdrawal symptoms, for which you couldn't help her.

Your love for mom blinds your logic.

Let her know that you love her and that for NOW, that is the best way to help her.

And you're not lying.

No guilt.

She WILL SURVIVE, and come home a new woman.

Stay calm. Decompress. Resist the urge to be in control of the situation. You're not.

Let this happen, and run its course.

M 8 8
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perturbed - after reading you last post, it's obvious you are heartbroken and overwrought - and understandably so. I went back a reread you original post and the others following. In reading the original post it struck me how frightened your mother must have been on a daily basis- for the last month and maybe longer. "Tortured" actually came to mind based on the things you said she was seeing and saying. I agree - it's pretty awful the way this all played out - but please try to take a small measure of comfort in knowing your mother will be getting the help she needs to get better. Of course she is frightened now but it will get better. If your mom was taking too much or the wrong meds - they will get it straightened out. Visit your mom as often as you can, explain that she is sick "right now" but that the doctors are working to make her well. However - you have to get ahold of yourself - I imagine this situation would become a lot worse if you had a stroke and wound up in the hospital. Go see your PCP and ask for a small prescription of anti anxiety medication to help see you through this.
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perturbed,

First of all this is not your fault. You have been trying to get your mother to see a doctor and she has refused.

Secondly, it is always overwhelming to experience a family member suddenly need intense psychiatric care like your mother is getting, I know for my wife has had these experiences and I still remember the first time.

Thirdly, you are not equipped to help her at home with these medical problems and your level of stress would only stress her out more. Just bringing her straight home is not going to fix anything. She's where she needs to be.

Fourthly, no one has probably said this, but what they told me when my wife went in was to take care of myself while they took care of my wife. It sounds like you need to contact your own doctor about your very high blood pressure or maybe even find a therapist to talk about your level of stress with. It does help.

Basically, you did not cause this to happen to your mom, you can't fix it and you can't control it. All you can do is control how you respond to it with some help.

How is your dad dealing with all of this?
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It sounds like a very stressful situation. It does appear that your mother is in the right place. I'm not sure how coming home would help her. Being at home is probably the worse thing for her, since she's ill and needs medical intervention. Hopefully, they can determine what she needs and develop a treatment and care plan.

You said that they have diagnosed her with Neurocognitive Disorder and Psychosis. Did they explain what that means? I would research it and seek advice from a health care professional about it. Based on this, it may be that your mom is going to need continuous care now. Would your dad be able to do this? Would you? I would research what this kind of care entails, before taking on that responsibility.

Since you were not able to get much information about your mother, I might check the court records in the county where she lives or in the county where she was admitted. If the county or state has appointed a temporary Guardian, they often have a file opened with the court. (The Estate or Guardianship division.) At least you might find out if there is a Guardian for her.

I would keep in mind that the things she may be saying are not necessarily true. She may be having delusions. She also isn't likely to know what is best for her right now.

I hope things get better for you and that your mother gets the help she needs. Please let us know how you are doing.
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Why did they release Dad the next day? After attacking the ambulance rescue?
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