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I can't believe that after the last tantrum you didn't show her the door. Why are you putting up with this? Please don't say 'because she is my mom" . She shouldn't be treating you like this "because she is your mom".

Next time she leaves don't let her back in. It really IS THAT SIMPLE. She has no right to your home. No one really needs to be staying with her. It was being done as a kindness and you see how grateful she acts.

It is time to be the adult and tell her you have had enough of her behavior.
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1. You need to purchase and read “boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud- ASAP.
2. You need to learn to stand up to this person- not only for your sake, but hers.
3. You need to demand that your mother gets immediate help for her mental issues- anxiety, depression, grief, etc.
i am so sorry for what you are going through. Your brother does NOT need to live with her, and neither do you. It seems she is having mental issues that will evolve into physical issues. (I’ve been there- deceased parent leaves someone already experiencing mental issues such as severe anxiety- eventually they sit down and quit eating and drinking, get an injury, get hooked on pain meds, get an infection, and have their brain permanently damaged so now they can’t live alone but don’t qualify for a nursing home medically, and oh yeah, blew all their $.). I wish I had pitched a bigger fit than theirs for getting grief counseling and quality help for anxiety. They pitched a fit every time we offered advice for finances or help with anxiety- told us it was their business. Biggest regret of my life- stand your ground! Make a plan and tell her she is going to follow it or else you are not participating. Don’t let her manipulate your kids and spouse either. Get your sibling on board, and work towards getting her to a place that isn’t filled with fear, depression, grief, anxiety, and manipulation. You might consider getting some counseling for yourselves as well.
best wishes! Life is difficult for you right now, but it can get better for all of you, especially your mom.
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rtmontoya2 Jul 2020
This is with grief/trauma counseling. Believe it or not, there has been an improvement but her need for control is huge. She has therapy via whatsapp right now and it's not covered. We are all pitching in to cover it because I told her half brother and my sibling, there is no way we can live with her without it. She goes a few weeks okay and then BAM.

Medicare covers a very superficial counselor so we hired a friend that specializes in grief and trauma.
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rtmontoya, your husband is a saint for enduring this drama baloney. Next time your mom goes back to her house, change your locks and don't let her back in again. She can't have it both ways and you need to stop allowing yourself (and family) to be whipsawed about by her. DON'T push your husband into her path, but DO put up a boundary to defend them, which is not letting her live with you anymore. She sounds mentally unstable not from age but just in general. Maybe now she is having age-related cognitive issues on top of it. Nonetheless, what is going on now is chaotic and dysfunctional because you don't have boundaries and understand that your immediate family has priority. Your mom is a fully grown adult who had her whole life to figure things out. Now she must live with that decision. She can only jerk you around if you allow it. Rally your family and apologize to them for the chaos. Assure them you want the best for Gramma, but that means she will not be living in your home and you'll figure out a solution for her care and safety. Help her from a distance and stop allowing her to manipulate you. I realize this doesn't "feel" good and it may be very difficult for you but it's what must happen. I sincerely wish you success in helping her get situated either on her own or in a care community, and may you have peace in your heart that it is the right thing to do.
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Telley Jul 2020
Beautiful Advice! Grow a pair and get on to restoring your family!
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Time for Mom to go back to her own house. This arrangement is not working and never will. She has to learn how to be alone. She expects too much from family. If this does not work for her, then maybe she would do well in an independent living or Assisted living. Its not your job to make her happy. Nor do you need to take the abuse. Yes, she will be mad, but isn't she most of the time? This is really not fair to ur kids. What a way to remember grandma.
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