I am going to be retiring in May and my husband is 77 yrs. old. My Mom has lived with us for over 25 years, even when she was healthy. She has diabetes, and has had several back surgeries. She uses a walker and does nothing but sit on her iPhone. She does get up to eat, but eats nothing that she has to cook. She is afraid to be alone overnight. My husband and I want to travel a little. I have Median Guardian so if she falls again, they can be alerted. I am the only child, and do not know what to do. I am tired. I also have an 86 year old Dad, however, he does live with somebody, but I am in full charge of him.
Assisted Living monthly rents vary from area to area. Rents usually include weekly housekeeping and linen service. All 3 meals in the main dining room, newer places have restaurant menu service. Your Mom would love being around people from her own generation. I know my Dad loved it, all those new ears to hear his stories :)
For my own Mom [she and Dad had lived in their own house], she refused to downsize or even consider a caregiver to help them with daily living. Mom had a major fall where 911 was called, hospitalization, then rehab. From rehab she moved into a Nursing Home because of her injuries she now needed a village to help her. My Dad paid out of pocket for her care.
If there comes a time that your Mom needs to be placed in a nursing home, if she cannot budget for the monthly rent/care, then Medicaid can step in to help.
I recommend contacting your local county counsel on aging and requesting a needs assessment, this will help you look for the correct facility type.
They can also direct you to all of the resources available in your area.
In-home care will mean further intrusion of people in your home. You could also consider adult day care, even for a limited time, as a strategy to get her used to being out of your home and with other people, giving you 2 a break daily. Then you can ease her into a facility, using a "therapeutic fib" that your home is going to be remodeled and so everyone needs to move out, or that there's a gas leak, infestation, whatever. Facilities go along with this strategy since you wouldn't be the first person to use it. She won't like change, but you do not need to wait for her acceptance or agreement. The caregiving arrangement has to work for both parties or it isn't working. It's no longer working for you and your spouse. He is your priority. So is your life. You'll have nothing to ever feel guilty about. You've blessed her for 25 years. From one only child to another -- do what you wish with your life now and don't feel bad about it for even a minute.