I need some advice. My mom has Parkinson’s and my dad was unexpectedly diagnosed with liver failure due to untreated hepatitis C. Dad has been taking care of mom up until this point. She is stage 3, doesn’t drive, and has worsening cognitive issues. I don’t know yet what his life expectancy is, but I’m guessing it’s limited. I can see needing outside help with cleaning, cooking, etc being the first thing we need to address. Eventually one or both may need assisted living.
I am an only child in my 30s and have four young kids. One is profoundly disabled and requires full care. How in the world do I add in being a caregiver to my parents? How do I manage taking them to dozens of appointments with their doctors, lab tests, and medical procedures each year? I’m at a total loss.
It all sounds good in theory…in the brochure…
In reality, I don’t know anyone who uses that, and I don’t know anyone where that worked. The reality is, that some things just can’t be shoved onto someone else (non-family, even if you pay them). Unless you let the State/APS take over everything, there are many problems/decisions that’ll probably land on you OP, no matter how hard you try to get the load off your back.
Anyway, I hope your parents can hire as much help as possible, so you have as little to do as possible.
A friend who has Medicare Advantage had to get a referral from her PCP to see a specialist about her lower back. When she finally got her visit, she mentioned that she also had pain in another part of her back. The specialist told her he couldn't talk to her about that because she had only been referred for the lower back and that she would need to go back to her PCP and get another referral to see him about her upper back! She also had to have a referral to see any specialist from her PCP and they had to be in the network.
I prefer to have the option to see whoever I want without needing a referral. I am not sure I want to sever ties with Medicare for good. It is my understanding that when you choose Medicare Advantage plans which are actually privately offered plans you cannot go back to traditional Medicare.
I have many priorities, a bed-bound mother with dementia, an MIL that lives in a different country suffering from heart issues, teenage kids, one with health issues and a full-time job with travel. I have tried to manage it all myself and prioritized everything other than my physical and mental health.
I was just released from hospital having had multiple blood transfusions because I didn't deal with something that was very easy to resolve, if only I had the time. I am also facing surgery to resolve issues that would have taken an hour or less to deal with (if only I had the time).
My point is you and your own family must be priority. You can't continue to add more to your already full plate without impacting something. In all likelihood, it would be your own health.
Good luck, I know how difficult is but set your boundaries, find a solution for your parents and ensure you prioritize yourself and your family.
I drained my heart and soul doing everything and lost myself. I got overwhelmed with financial matters and family that just talked the talk. I soon realized that I couldn't be or do everything! It's time to care for you and your family first. Don't get lost in your effort to be your parents lifeline, just know you are looking for help and that's all you can do for now. Just ease into the situation and don't blame yourself about it. You can find outside help to come in but it's not a given. It will progress into assisted living and memory care, very expensive. Please tell me you are POA and everything is in order? Oh, I hate being so responsible for everything! I thought I was POA but didn't help with selling the townhouse.
Just saying that you need to think this through and the for coming care they need is going to stress the stress you have. I want to say, hiring outside help, doesn't help when family members need to be placed for their benefit and yours. How do I say that, there's ten commandments and honor thy father and mother is number 4. You can't honor them being ill and not focused. You really have to put yourself first in order to help them. Please don't take this on alone! Love!!
One important aspect of their care is the ability to pay their bills. Getting your name added to all of their financial accounts is essential to do while your parents are still able to make decisions. Otherwise...you just never know what will happen. My dad had always been in charge of the finances and was slow to give up control or share even where their savings were. When dad had a heart attack, my mother had to sign checks. At that point, she could barely remember how to spell her name. Fortunately, the banks honored the checks and bills were paid. Dad survived and then told me where to find their money and got me added as a signer to their bank accounts.
All the best to you and your family.
“planners”. Do the background work yourself and it will pay off in the long run. You must have the tools though - POA is essential.