Dad is 88 and contemplating the next step which eventually will be moving out of his home of 50 years (he is by himself) to another place, And that might well be assisted living. He has driven and visited his friend at her assisted living facility. He said they get up in the morning, eat, go to an activity, then go to lunch, then go to an activity, then eat, then go to an evening movie, then they sleep. Then they get up and do it all over again. He said to me, do you call this LIVING? This with the implication that it was not 'living'. I had to scramble to respond to him. He is very very independent. I said it would be up to him to make friends, decide what activities he would or would not do. In addition he could have his friends pick him up and drive him to other activities. He could take a taxi to events. He could email and use the phone to connect. He could use the internet.
But that was the best I could come up with. Yes, at 88 there would be RESTRICTIONS, and you need to live within those restrictions, it would not be like the way it was at 50 years of age.
Do you have any advice on how to respond to my dad about living in such an assisted living community and how he could still feel independent and 'alive'?
Best,
D. Varga
This getting old is no fun, even without the dementia!
But, I think of people aging well and aging badly - of people fighting and not fighting against preventable things and inevitable things - and I think even more of what an answer to my prayers one restless night happened to be. It was not answer, it was no promise that a future problem would be averted (oddly enough it was) but just the scripture "My grace is enough for you!" popping into my head. I still had a hard time getting to sleep, but somehow it was all different and I was grateful. I am trying to make it into a song to sing, to remind myself that what I have can always be enough.
We can shape part of our experience and shape our attitude towards the rest. We do our best, and then rest/let God do the rest, we can find whatever joy and pleasure is there, and endure the times without any as best we can, or if you're Catholic you are supposed to "offer them up" (though as a convert, I honestly haven't quite got the sense or knack of that yet :-).
On the plus side, I had begun to hate the fall season so badly because it was a reminder of endings, losses and change for the worse, but this year my attitude has shifted and you know, cooler days and pretty leaves might just be welcome again, though summer will always be my favorite.
Everything slows down a pace in autumn, and gives us a chance
to do that too. Winter is a time for us all to hibernate a little and
enjoy closer to home activity.
By spring time we're ready to start branching out again, reaching
into the wider world, then summer with it's warmth and chances to
get out and about if we can.
Everything in life is for a season, we just need to be aware that our
own personal seasons may be longer or shorter, but each will come
to an end and though oft repeated each will be a little different
I'm currently unable to sleep (despite being desperately tired)
until dawn starts lighting the sky (about 4.00/4.30 in SE England)
not good as I still have commitments in a day time life ~ but it is
only for a season :~)