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Husband with Parkinson’s and dementia is becoming increasingly incontinent for both urine and bowels. He takes the Depends off and goes on the floor. Or poops in the Depends and then smears poop over everything. I’m at my wits end. I need minor surgery and don't know how I’ll manage. Caregivers I’ve hired won’t deal with the poop accidents, or don’t deal with them very well. He really doesn’t qualify for long term care in a snf. Any advice?

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I am thankful that cleaning up 3 younger brothers in the days of cloth diapers (still the best) and working in a medical clinic with geriatric patients has made me impervious to body waste. Its simply a necessary body function. To lessen the odor, wipe an alcohol pad under nose above top lip. Take all other necessary steps, mask, glove, etc. It should be made clear to assistants before hire that the cleanliness of your husband is not negotiable. A diaper left on too long encourages urinary tract infections and skin irritation. As for the inappropriate soiling of locations, your husband's level of dementia may need to be re-evaluated as to whether he needs a higher level of care.
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Good gravy! oops. sorry for the pun. My dad does the same thing with pulling the depends off and getting poop everywhere. every where! And he is in a skilled long term care facility! The last four times I have gone to visit the past week, he's been sitting in crap. today, you could see where he's smeared poop just everywhere. The only solution is for the infirmed elderly to stop pooping altogether. I am entirely fed up with old people poop. I know they can't help it, but neither can I.
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Cut the sides
or tear the elastic on the sides
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For MANY caregivers, the bowel incontinence is THE tipping point in having a LO live in your home. Or alone in theirs.

If the accidents are hit and miss--meaning you don't have a clear clue as to when he needs to 'go' it's 100xs worse. A CG just to clean up after such a mess is really not a viable solution.

I know when my FIL began having massive blowouts anywhere he happened to be--here at our home, the coffee shop, a restaurant--it made taking him anywhere just fraught with stress. He would get 'sick' after these incidents and weak, too weak to stand in the shower so I could hose him off--and DH was so grossed out, he's just sit on the couch or wherever and dry-heave. Super helpful.

After a terrible mess made at a restaraunt that left me cleaning up for 15 minutes and him sitting in the car with DH--no towels or pads under him (BTW, it was MY car)...the wonderful restaurant staff helped me and I tipped them out close to $100....I was embarassed and furious. He would not wear depends, but rather 'thongs' which are useless.

All thongs got tossed that day and a couple of boxes of depends came into his life. Until his dr said he couldn't live alone, he was 'ok' with the depends--but such affront to his dignity. He died a few days after getting the news he would be moving to a NH.

To this DAY (17 years!) my Dh calls me selfish for not allowing his dad to live with us. It's been an issue long after it was an issue.
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Cover99 Nov 2021
Was he in the dining area of the restaurant?
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Yeah, I was told after the fact that Depends rip down the sides. There's a neat way to put them on with out taking pants off. Again something I learned after the fact.
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Lee10075 Nov 2021
it’s helpful to double up on the pull up when going out.
you just have to tear off the soiled pull up from each side and still have the protection without taking the pants off.
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This is one of the hardest parts - the emotional toll and the incontinence.

Does he have shorts or pants over his depends? I have seen others talk about some adaptive clothing that helps them not be able to access the depend as easily or without help. I cannot remember what the exacts were. You can look under the category incontinence here.

I change my mom in bed as she has hemiplegia and we use the depends with long tabs as I find it easier to get them off with bowel movements without creating a mess.

In home CNAs should not have a problem with cleaning bm up and having suggestions on different products or clothing to help. I’m sorry those you have worked with have not helped be part of the solution.

I also know when my mom has a uti - she does not realize what she is doing and I will have her wear a glove at night so she does not get this all under her fingernails as I know how much time it takes to clean everything up.

I wish I had more to offer but my mom is not as mobile and it doesn’t happen often - but I have seen some others post and offer ideas and I would try going to the main page and look under the incontinence subject and maybe you can find some of the older post suggestions there that I remember seeing.
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AlyssaMcManus Nov 2021
Today, I realized that the brown stuff under my father's nails was NOT a fungal infection. We'd been treating for fungal for a few years now and it did not clear up. Today, when I went to visit and found evidence he'd been literally digging in his diaper, I nearly lost it. How do you get that out of there?! The nurse said an orange stick and possibly soaking in hydrogen peroxide. I am beyond grossed out by this.
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Is it possible to do a bathroom schedule, every hour, two hours, whatever is needed for him?

You can cut or tear down the sides of depends to remove them.

I don't know what you can do if you can't afford in home help or a MC facility.

Great big warm hug! This is so difficult.
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