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Some questions to ask yourself:

1. Are the siblings' attitudes and behaviors going to change? Unlikely.

2. What do you do in other situations that are unchangeable? Find alternate solutions, or accept that the situation won't change. Are there any other options? Some kind of compromise with the siblings? It doesn't seem so in your case.

3. What alternate solutions can you find (read Maggie's last answer)?

4. Mincemeat's right in that a high percentage of posts here are similar to yours. Some are too deeply enmeshed to see alternate solutions and are literally floundering, others may be able to see there are help options, such as Maggie or as GolfLady sharing in stating that she severed communications.

I'm not pleased with my situation either but focusing on it and becoming angrier only makes me more upset and resentful. I try to focus on the fact that I'm sharing the last years of life with my parent, years and closeness that my sibling will never experience.

If I can rise above that level, I can remember that I'm also helping him through probably the most difficult time of his life, and if necessary will have to make the necessary decisions when that life is nearly over to prevent any further suffering. That may be the best thing I could do for him. And as it stands now, only I will be in a position to provide that assistance. That's something my sibling will never experience.

In the meantime, I would still document contact with siblings because after it's all over, they may come out of the woodwork with their hands out and pocketbooks open for the largesse they may expect.
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Lordy. A suggestion. She is getting a SS check, do call a few nursing homes and find out what their daily rate is for respite care. I'm betting it's affordable if you are willing to spend her money that way. Seven days' respite might be $1500.

Look into local a Senior Daycare. We paid $60 for 7:30 am to 6 pm. And paid $60 for a cab to take her both ways, door to door in her wheelchair. Included a hot lunch. That was a Godsend. About $500 a month.

Call your local Council on Aging. Mom got a $700 annual stipend for respite. Your mom may be entitled to much more. There are programs on the local or county level that can help.

Throw away her rocking chair. ;)
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Mincemeat in the last couple of months I have lost my filter too. THANK GOD !!! lol I have just totally cut off communication with the worst one which has helped in the day to day but the resentment is there for life. If it wasn't for this website I would never have had the guts to tell my mother that she has to move back to Michigan. I don't think most people realize that something like THIS changes a person for life. I will never be the same, how can you be when you LOSE years of your life and get NOTHING but misery in return.
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Do not want to be the martyr. BELIEVE me. My mother is on a waiting list for an apartment back home in Michigan where she has children and grand children and great grandkids and a sister and friends, but it could still be a year until she gets that call. Me and my Hubby had to move to Texas from Michigan for his job 8 years ago, so were here alone. When My dad died a year and a half ago my mother came to Texas to live with us. I told her months ago this wasn't working out and her moving all the way to Texas was the wrong thing for her to do. She was SUPPOSED to visit my other siblings throughout the year ( 4 others ) so I could have respite, but that dosent happen. 1 sister could only handle her for a week ( not even ) then she sent her to finish her visit at my nieces house. another one only calls 1 time a year so I didn't expect much from her any how and the only other one who has done anything and still the ONLY one to offer lives in Tennesee, and well,my mother, who was an alcoholic and made bad decisions her whole life and was left penny less has made up her mind shes too good to go visit them again. So meanwhile were stuck in Texas 1300 miles away from anybody who might give a crap. And now we cant go visit our kids or my husbands family ( who live in different states ) because we cant leave my mother alone in Texas ( there is NO ONE here besides us, she knows no one here ). We did that in April to go watch our daughter run in The Boston marathon and while we were gone for just a weekend she fell and broke her arm and then it was 8 weeks of pure misery. So we wont risk leaving her alone here in Texas again. So now my life consists of ( in between drs visits and picking up and hearing about her medications. After 74 years shes discovered that she likes attention she gets from the drs ) waiting for the day that phone call comes and listening to my mother upstairs rocking her life away. The resentment comes in because some of these people could care less and would prefer she stays here in Texas, where they don't have to do a darn thing for her. They want to butt in and try and make decisions for something that has no bearing on them what so ever, Some like to egg her on in the health issues others just like the 1 phone call a year option. Just needed to vent again today. Some days I just swear Im going to EXPLODE when I hear her upstairs Rocking away. At least I know in a year from now this nightmare WILL be over , unless her or me (( STRESS )) die first !!
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golflady, are you able to leave your mother alone for a while during the day while you do some work or go out? How old is she and what is wrong that she needs your care?

My brothers don't help with my mother, but I don't usually resent them. It was just the way things worked out in our lives. Mostly, I think, because I am the only daughter who had the misfortune of getting divorced. :( Not my brothers' fault.
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I think that 90 percent of the people who find some support and strength from reading and participating in this forum have asked the very same question.

Really, I think the "FREE" siblings do not realize how lucky they have it. Personally I think I have caught a couple of mine off guard when they say something like...your kids got to know their grandparents....and I reply by saying...."Well you have had complete freedom for the last 25 years".

The only advice I can give you, and it may fall outside of your comfort zone, is to communicate how you feel. If they don't listen, say it again, and face to face. I look at it this way. In many ways we are already the "bad guy" because we are now parenting our parent. Making a few siblings squirm only adds one more layer of "bad guy"! Sometimes we follow our parents example and lose our "filter"! You might start with asking for help and evolve into telling if necessary. This is not easy!

Getting rid of anger? Don't know....but try to find something for yourself, a walk to the park, a trip to the library, something that is a treat to yourself. Just because we are held captive in caregiving, we do not need to decline with them.
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You stop being a martyr. You realize you have choices...that slavery ended over a hundred years ago...that you're doing what you're doing because you WANT to.

If your mom lives with you, she's getting a Social Security check that can pay for twice-weekly respite care for you, easily. If you're living with mom and her SS is paying the bills, you can pay for respite care yourself with what you're saving in rent, food, etc, etc.

Yeah, I know I'm being rough. But sometimes we need a whack on the side of the head.
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