My husband has started giving things away. Any advice?

Jan123, you have some good advice from the commenters and you should heed their advice. Your husband may either kill himself or someone else and you will find it hard to get over, especially if he kills a child. You MUST take the keys away from him and tell you'll take him where he needs to go. This sounds like the beginnings of dementia with the giving away of everything. It sounds like he thinks he is going to pass away soon and wants to take care of the excess around your house. You can have a family meeting with or without him and let the family know what's going on and to not accept the free things because he has run up the credit cards or spent your cash in the bank and for them to just tell him they don't need it but to let you know so you can either take it back or put it elsewhere. I would buy a fireproof safe and either install it in the floor in a safe place where he doesn't know about and start putting your important papers, cash, checkbooks, etc. everything that means money and keep them in the safe. Only you should have the combination and if you don't have the POA already, you really should get one right away. It's odd that he believes the doctor who says he can't drive but when you say it, he doesn't believe you. That means you should be with him at all doctor's visits and make sure you know what the doctor tells him to do because your husband may not tell you the truth. A Caretaker can come in and clean as long as you stay around to make sure they don't "talk him into anything". I went thru similar situation with my dad that lived with me. He was beginning to show the first stages of dementia when he lived with me and I noticed how he changed and how paranoid he became. He accused me of going thru his desk and looking at his checkbook, taking money out of his account, hiding his acct numbers when he thought I was watching him. My feelings were hurt at first until I told my brother about his strange behavior. In 9 years with me, I never once looked at his bank statements or bank account or anything belonging to him. My brother talked to him and explained how he had hurt my feelings and he apologized but I knew the times he did it again in the future that it was because of the dementia. This is a very hard time for the caregiver and I sure didn't know what to expect but my brother started coming over more often and helping me with him until he passed. He suffered from COPD from smoking 60 years and it finally did him in. Keep in mind your husband may not remember what he's doing about giving things away and wanting to drive but you'll develop a thicker skin if he starts lashing out at you because you're stopping him from doing what he wants to do. When I told my dad he had gotten lost for the last time and I didn't think he should drive any more, he decided he would just leave the house one day and drive 1400 miles to Florida to see my sister and her family! He got a map and it took 2 1/2 days for him to drive there from Dallas but he only called me about 4 times asking me to look on my map and see if he was going the right way. I was astounded he would take off without telling me or my brother but he just wanted to show me he could do it. Your husband may try the same thing if he feels like you're wrong and he should drive. I can tell you though, an angel was riding on his shoulder that few days. I can only imagine how many cars had to get out of his way! Then he made the trip back and decided he had enough driving and stopped. Wonders never cease! As his wife, you can get everything in order to protect him and others so just take the keys away and when he asks for them, tell him you don't know where they are but you'll take him since you were going out anyway. In time, he'll forget about them. It will be easier for you once you get him in an assisted living facility because you won't be worrying about his driving or giving things away. Good luck in getting him to give up the car and stop giving away his purchases.

Jan, think of a dementia suffer-er as someone with child-like qualities. I don't think that the medical practioners can always have the desired effect. Can you seek out ways to solve things without involving your husband in the decision? Can't the keys get 'lost'.

If you have POA, he should not have access to any substantial financial assets. Sadly, that means locking up check books, jewelry, credit/atm cards, bank statements, cash and items of value. The risk of him giving things away to someone who won't return them is too large. Is he home during the day? Scammers are all over the place. Not a day goes by without a story in the news about seniors losing large sums of money to scammers. You need to protect yourself and him and your family.

Don't expect him to return the ladder, load it up and return it your self. Ditto on other purchases. Take away the car and the assets and it will stop things from coing into the house. Hire a companion for when you are away.

my husband's doctors disagree about his driving, but the one who is saying he should not told me he does not want a confrontation with him because he has a nasty personality. his florida doctor said he should not drive and told him so now he only uses a golf cart now and goes 3 blocks to the mail, however in nj the doctor who does not want to confront I am planning on replacing. not only is he dangerous to himself he is dangerous to ours driving down the street. changes have been reported to his doctor but he has not had his appointment yet perhaps then he will see for himself.

Yes, a change in behavior can be the result of progression of the dementia and should be reported to his Dr.

As for his driving that's a whole other issue. Since he has dementia he shouldn't be driving. You know that. When I determined that my dad shouldn't be driving anymore I called his Dr.'s office and spoke to the nurse about it. I wanted the Dr. to tell my dad he shouldn't be driving since my dad wasn't listening to me. On my dad's next appointment the Dr. told my dad that he'd have to stop driving and my dad agreed to it.

As your husband's illness continues to progress you may want to be ready to bring in home care or move to an assisted living facility. It wouldn't hurt to get some information on these things now so you can begin to think about the future.