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You are judging yourself without judging whether your father is being fair. What is your father expecting for his $7 a day?
His meals cooked, served and cleaned up? His washing done, dried and sorted? His house cleaned and kept tidy? His weekly shopping done? (and does he expect his $7 a day to cover the cost of his food, or is that ‘pin money’ for you to fritter away?) Will you need to contribute to household bills in return for ‘free rent’? Are you fit enough to take on yard work and occasional DIY? And it’s all down to you – he says ‘no strangers’.
That’s just for now. If he needs personal care – mobility, continence care, a personal driver – it rapidly gets to be an even better deal for him.
Emotionally, he is ‘head of the household’. He expects you to move and get your life together in a strange place, starting from scratch. He will have no obligations as an employer. If you want to quit, he has lost nothing but you start all over again.

Is this reasonable for him to expect? Not likely! If he thinks it is reasonable at 86 when you aren’t suggesting that he has dementia, is he likely to become more reasonable later on? Why do you say that you want him ‘to make up his mind’? Why wouldn’t he do his best to guilt you into this amazing deal for him?

Stop judging yourself and take a look at reality. In spite of his shortcomings, you wouldn’t want him to be a victim of a huge exploitive scam, so don’t go there yourself!
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Toadhall Mar 2019
I would have hit "helpful answer" more than once if it was allowed. You really covered the many potholes in this road. Bravo!
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I told my mom (who could be difficult), when she & stepdad could not care for themselves any longer, they could come live with me.. Mom passed away & my stepdad lives with me.. he’s pretty easy going, so I don’t have the issues you have.. BUT, I’m sure you’re happy your son lets you live with him & I feel it’s our obligation to care for our elderly parents..I am 69, still work, not married. It’s not easy all the time but if I keep my thought life in check, it is better.. you cannot think negatively & be happy.. and remember, they took care of us & probably still would, if they could.. Sorry if you don’t like my answer but I think you’re wanting someone to okay your attitude
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Harpcat Mar 2019
What’s interesting and good about humans is that we are all different and that’s ok.
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I'm not sure if you are asking live with him or him live with you? Live with him is easier to get out of--just move out. Now him living with you is another matter. If it doesn't work out how do you get him out of your house? What possibility is there for him to move to assisted living? I understand that he is saying no but if given no choice what will he decide tnen. Let me just say that if he offered me free room and board and $200 (and I don't know the guy), my answer would be no. You said the word "needy". And I thought "no way". Please don't base your decision on feelings of guilt. Make a decision using rational thought. Think about not just the first month or year but all the years you will be doing this. Based on what you wrote, it seems like your asking permission to not do it without feeling guilty (pardon me if I'm wrong). I think you know what you want. I'm sorry you lost your husband. I know I harp on these, but two things. Make sure his Will, POA, health care POA are in order. Possibly see a therapist for a few visits to hash this out.
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Say no thanks...You can’t live on $200 a month. It’s not Year 1920
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Wow! $200/month or $6,67/DAY, Minimum wage is around $10/HOUR.
What would you do with all that money? Tell him to keep his money to hire outside help, and see how long his $200 will last. He is out of his mind. And that may be the case literally.

Don't even touch that 'generous' offer with a 10-foot pole, unless you want to volunteer for servitude. You are forewarned.
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Let me be clear...DO NOT LET HIM MOVE IN!!! And don't feel guilty. Your life is just now getting back on track. You can give him any # of reasons from your family is in NC to you are still working or even still grieving. Tell him you will come out and help him find assisted living place or someone to help him. Clue him in to the reality of federal wage laws. I don't know about NC but in California, $200 would only cover 8 hours of care. I am single, 61 and mom lives with me. Care giver comes in 4 hours a day 2 times a week to bath mom and do her laundry. It helps as I still work full time. But if I had it to do over again, I would have moved her to assisted living because as her dementia gets worse, so do the issues.
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Well I think if it was the other way around your father would always have your back. Patient's have this saying you always have a home no matter what! Meds are no big deal play with him by hiding meds in his food or drinks. His lonely without family.. if your getting your life together we'll in clude him in with respect and patience show him that u have your ways and he has his. Tell him how much you love him!! be around him. God has the rest! We have are trials in this world. I believe that your father and your self be very happy.
Sorry for your lost.,🙏💕 Don't let ''Satan sepetate u and your father."
Work on relationship with him!
Remember God knows your purpose in life.
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polarbear Mar 2019
Jsgarcia - you are probably right that the father would have his children back. The question is would the father have HIS PARENTS back living with him?

If the father did, he would be among the majority of the adult children in this forum with horror stories of how their parents turn their lives upside down, consume their lives, their health, their savings, their future, their grandchildren's future, and make their lives a living hell.
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