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VeraFern: Kindly give yourself a break. Visit your mother as often or as little as you wish. To keep any track record of your siblings' visits is a recipe for emotional pain for you. Pay no mind to their visits. I am sorry for the loss of your friend and send deepest condolences. Take care of YOU; you've had the Novel Coronavirus and are also a disabled individual.
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There is no good answer. I think you have to give yourself a break and take this a day at a time. If you feel like visiting go, but if you don’t then don’t go. With time you may want to visit with her. Women are worriers and we wear guilt like a heavy coat, and many of us have been in your shoes! Be kind to yourself.
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I understand. I think right now you are at a transition from overworked and it takes awhile to readjust to a new ( better/freedom) life.
dont feel guilty not going. Sounds like mother doesn’t care anyway . I get it. My mother was the same and I miss my great dad also.
And I think the siblings seeing her everyday and them being the good children in her eyes- is just one of those “ life isn’t fair” experiences. I have learned either you can dwell on the injustice and it will rob your freedom and joy- or you can say “ whatever” and let them all live their own life. They sound like jerks so get them out of your life and mind. Praying the Lord brings you new friends that become like a real family to you. They love you because they choose to. Often siblings have no loyalty to family.
Let yourself walk away from the parent . Weather she hangs on or passes- you are free. Focus on that.
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Hello, I am sorry to hear about your recent health issues with covid and the loss of your friend. I agree with some of the other comments here, your mother has not completely stopped eating and drinking, there is no way that she could survive for over two months in such a state. You may wish to check with her daily caretakers to see what she eats, and how often, and if she is refusing to eat at times. Once a patient no longer has the physical ability to eat or drink, he is placed on hospice care or some other form of end-of-life care, and their family is usually notified. If none of the above has occurred yet, your mother is probably still eating and drinking, and otherwise in a stable state; you don't really have to worry about it.

I am not surprised that visits with your mother are quite disheartening for you, if she is saying that she doesn't really care if you visit, and then refuses to talk to you at times. It probably really isn't her personal beliefs, but rather frustration over her bedridden state, and fatigue and boredom that results; it may also be the medication that she takes that brings her mood down. You may be the only person that she feels comfortable venting and taking out her frustration on, since you lived with her for the past few years. All of the above, combined with your own fatigue from the past years of caretaking, may be piling up, to the point where you simply do not feel like visiting.

I agree with some of the other comments in this section, you definitely need to take some time off completely for yourself, to rest, relax, and recharge; it seems like you deserve it, and should not feel guilty about it. You may find afterwards that visiting your mother at her nursing home is not that difficult mentally.

I wish you luck with your current situation
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You did your part. If visiting is unpleasant for you, drop off some supplies or treats and go on with rebuilding your life.
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Verna; Mother is very upset with you for placing her . The royalty you were given her has stopped. It's mainly because she's not home.
Speaking of siblings, I far to understand no assistance, I don't care if you didn't have children. That's a poor excuse that is their mother . Know they are too their every day / let them . I see you didn't mention they took her out of placement with them . No no that is not going to happen/ disrupt their family.
Don't feel upset about your hour , you with her and she wouldn't converse . It's ok she knows it you right know .
Don't even fuss about her not eating . ( Argument) she will . Apparently she still here on earth . Body begins to shut down after 2 weeks of not eating or drinking anything . Brain is the lead organ not the heart . It tells the body what to do. So if no nutrition to brain, thought blood stream in veins . ( Like battery shut down)
I know it's disturbing to her mother say she wants to die. She already feel her independence are gone. ( Transaction) strange people , not home with personal items . It's not mother time, with the Higher Power ( Our God). No you aren't going to feel guilty, you done and made the best choices and safety fir mother all without assistance. Your choice or not your siblings just step aside until know. Did to they agree with decision. If not why didn't they move mother in with them . Verna I been there until August 30; 2020 mother went home to glory in her sleep at Nursing home. I taken care of mother four years a month after I retired then nursing home 18 months . Yes I had siblings no assistance no anything with them refused to give me time alone .Verna let's get back on your feet, find part-time duty $$. Keep the weekends for you. Put your expectations out there. Even if working at the same nursing facility clerk it something . Last yet not least if the property is not in your name Medicaid will take it .
Did you possible used home care at home for mother .
I can go on and on . God knows and see all . They should honor they father & mother . Times are changing haven't you notice the difference each time you visit ( weight , complexion, behavior ect. Verna , I'll be keeping you in prayer Ms Bradshaw/ Pittsburgh,Pa.
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You did more than your share. Your siblings are entertaining her now . Mom must be eating and drinking . No one lasts 2 months on a hunger strike without getting sent to the hospital for dehydration .
Visit her when you want.
After the initial first few visits of screaming for putting her in AL , my mother would pull the silent treatment too or tell me she didn’t care if I visited . I finally decided that when she did that I would leave . I wasn’t going to sit there while she sat on her throne ( recliner) silent . After I cut those silent visits short she started to talk when I came .
It’s also ok to step back for weeks or more if you need too . She is being taken care of . You need to take care of yourself now.
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I go once a week for an hour at most. My mother is on hospice. She is immobile and receives pain medication for a serious bedsore. If you can manage this I feel that may be enough. My mother tires easily and is having less and less to talk about. I bring her a favored drink and reading material. I clean and file her nails. Clean her tray table and glasses.

It can be depressing to go to these facilities,even well run ones. There are so many seemingly living on with no quality to their lives.
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Hothouseflower Mar 2023
My dad is in a SNF, I go every day when I am staying with my mom. She can’t go that often because it is an ordeal for her to get out of the house.

It’s horrible to be there witnessing how his body and mind have declined in the last four months. I pray every night that God takes him now. There is nothing left to hope for.
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Stop the guilt trip, don’t go if you don’t want to. If you are seeking a warm and fuzzy moment with your mother with her giving you approval and thanks, I doubt it will ever happen. Stop wishing for it, she is not capable of giving you what you are seeking from her. Let your siblings deal with her issues.

Just do what you want to do for yourself. You’ve earned it.
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