I don't even know what the question is. I know the problem is I don't have even a semblance of a life anymore.

I would not allow my mother to ruin my daughters wedding if I had to tell he she cannot come. If you know she will mess it up, please have her stay home and don't give in. This is your daughters day and she does not need to be subjected to her grandmothers every whim for attention. Let your daughter tell he she cannot invites her because she has already caused too much stress. We have to learn to say "No" to even our own mothers and not let them make us feel guilty. Most of the time, we allow them to be enablers to keep peace but their are times when we must hang tough, especially for our children's sake. So please say no and I hope you can have someone stay with your mother. If the relationship is so toxic you want to take your own life, there are other alternatives to have them live with you and you to not have to take the abuse as an adult daughter. My mother is narcissistic and I know when to say to and stop her from being controlling. I love her but there is no way we could live in the same house. I would be in the nursing home since I have poor health myself and my husband would leave me and I would not blame him. We tried keeping her a couple weeks when she had pneumonia and she wanted our undivided attention which I cannot and will not give to her. We all must have a life regardless of who we care for. And when It does not work, then it is time to put her in an Assisted Living or Nursing Home and let go of your life stresses that are slowing killing you and robbing you of any joy. None of us are expected to sacrifice this much and each of our situations are different but remember, we can make other choices. It may seem like there is not out, but with tough love, there are always other options.

I hope you will listen and try some of the great responses that were given to you here and act on them. There is a lot of wisdom in this great caring group who have experienced what you are trying unsuccessfully to deal with and there is nothing wrong with correcting the situation so you can have a life. I am sure your own health is deteriorating due to the stress you are under and any counselor will tell you we must take care of our selves first. Otherwise, we are so out of it, we cannot cope or deal with the daily war going on inside you that knows the situation cannot remain the same.

I am praying you will find the strength to do what you must to take care of your children's welfare first and do the best you can with you mother but she needs to be anywhere other than with you. And please don't allow her to control your emotions through guilt and shame. They are such great manipulators and we still want to be the "Perfect Child" no matter how old we get. We want their approval but I have learned it is impossible to get and I am not the best choice for taking care of my mother. Mine is 91 and lives in a nice apartment with transportation, housekeeping and her meals. So, she can still take care of herself to some degree but her Dementia is getting worse and there worse side comes out in Dementia patients that are Narcissistic like my mother. I can only do so much for her and of course it will never be enough to suit her but I just cannot worry about her approval. All I can do is make sure she has the help she needs but not in my home. I do hope this will give you a little encoragement and will to keep going. Taking your own life would be very selfish. Think of the embarrassment and hurt it would cause your entire family and especially your children. This should not be an option. Taking care of yourself and helping your mother the best you can without being totally weighed down with her every whim is the answer. Learn to love thy self and then others. :)

Warm wishes and Hugs.

Sunny

Tell mother dear that the wedding is off.

Daughter is too distraught to talk about why.

Have the wedding without her

Raven, if I had siblings and they said to me, "How could you do this to mom", bet she'd be at their house the next day...

It sounds like you are clinical depressed. You need medical attention immediately. You need a therapist and an anti depressant now. Your past the self help stage. If your talk about suicide, your thinking about it. Please get help. We are here for you. You are in my prayers.