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I agree with Babalou. I would try to get her on an anti-anxiety medication. Discuss it with her doctor. Not something to make her tired, but a daily med that reduces the worry and anxiety. That will reduce her anxiety and she may then be okay and not worry about you so much.

At her age, I would suspect age related decline and also some dementia. It's not likely that you will be able to explain your situation and your decision to not call daily. She's likely to just not get it and continue to call you. I have found that seniors often get overly concerned about trivial things and convincing them not to worry is not very productive. But medication could help.

Most of the seniors that I know, call their adult kids and other people at least once per day.
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I just want to compliment you on almost 20 years of service to your mother. So I personally feel that you already 'showed up' for her, very much more than enough to choose how often you phone, because you know the downside of how it affects you when you talk with her. You have other parts of a life with responsibilities. When I have daily conversations with Mom, it often gets me frustrated and disturbed because she complains and wails about things I can't do anything about, and I feel the effect for hours sometimes. I feel that I don't owe all of that part of me to her, as I am not going to quit on her and she is living in a situation where there are others to step in and handle her emotional needs because I really can't. My particular Mom is sort of a 'black hole' of neediness.
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I have been responsible for my father for almost 3 years. He lives in an assisted living facility near me. The only way I have found that I can stay sane is by taking Sundays and Wednesdays off from managing his life and thereby making time for my own life. He has a 7am to 7pm one on one caregiver on those days and he can call me if there is an emergency. I explained to him that most people get 2 days off a week and that I needed that too. This situation with my dad is a marathon not a sprint and I had to come up with this way to pace myself in order to keep my sanity.
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I can understand your feelings Cat. You have to do what is necessary to look after yourself. Running your own business takes energy and effort. Selfish? No way.
You are doing the best you can. It's good other family members help out. Yes, as a fellow "go-to" person, my parents expect me to drop everything. No question the pressure is there. On the other hand, you deserve a life. Good for you for reaching out on this discussion board. Don't forget we're here for you.
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I see where you asked a very similar question back in March of this year. "Why do I always feel guilty when I don't buy into Mom's drama?"

That tells me this has become even more stressful in your life.

One random but important question that comes to mind is how has your husband felt about your mom's dependency on you and how much it creates conflict inside of you?

I am not sure she would be much different in wanting calls if she were in an assisted living which I hope she can get into. Yes, moms never cease to worry about even their grown children, but I find every day a bit much. Well, I've said enough.
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I think if your mom's anxiety was under control, calling her would not seem to be such a chore.
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Truthfully, I think although difficult, you should call your mother daily. Blindness is isolating even though she has a social life. You are her child. You never disconnect the parenting role and she needs to know that you are OK. In addition, she has normal anxiety that is par for the course at her age. Just take a deep breath and call.
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I come from a different perspective too. I phoned my Mom every day for as long as I can remember. Long before she got dementia and her health started to go down I was a worrier and would get alarmed if she didn't pick up the phone. Mostly cause she lived alone and never went out much. She didn't mind though. She said I was her lifeline.

Honestly now that she is gone I would give anything to be able to still call her everyday. Enjoy her while you can I say cause the day will come when you won't have the luxury of having that connection.
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To clarify, mom is classified as legally blind, but she does has peripheral vision. She can read extremely large print, make very simple meals, get dressed by herself, play cards every night, watch ball games on her magnified TV, etc.
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I would like to offer a different perspective on this. I think that often as people who live alone age they crave a touchstone in their life simply because there is that nagging feeling that they could hurt themselves or die and no one would discover them for days, my Mom and her SIL talked daily for that very reason. The son of a friend of my mom's would bring in the newspaper for his mom every morning on his way to work, another had a neighbour that watched to see if she opened her curtains in the morning because then they knew she was up and about, simple things that made them feel less alone and vulnerable.
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I don't think it's awful of you at all. I think this is a very long haul for most of us, and to keep from burning out we need to draw our boundaries where we need to draw them. I rarely call my mother. I certainly wouldn't do it just to check it off on my to-do list. I see my mother several times a week. And she doesn't hesitate to call me if she needs something. Neither of us are really phone talkers though. I would resent the obligation to call every day. I can totally understand how you feel.
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Cat, I am in a similar situation. I am mom and dads go to person. And they both want to go to different places! I'm worn out. Sometimes, I don't answer their calls or I make excuses when I need a break. If I don't take a day to myself, I get cranky and burned out. I'm nervous when I'm not with them and tired and resentful if I'm with them everyday. They can be very demanding on the phone. No matter how much I see them and drive them, it's not enough. Your feelings are very natural. That's why I like to vent on this site, keep my sense of humor, take my bubble baths, exercise class, and listen to 80's music.
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I have a bit of a different take. If I was blind, I'd probably feel disconnected from the world. I'd want the assurances of people close to me, especially to know that they're okay. And I might be tempted to call someone repeatedly until getting that assurance.

When I haven't been able to reach my father and have been anxious or overly concerned, I've called repeatedly. A few times I've gotten in my car and driven the nearly 30 miles to make sure that he's okay. He tells me I'm a worrier. But I fear any manner of things happening to him and need to be reassured sometimes, especially when certain other conditions exist.

I can understand your position, especially since you write that your mother engages in "drama", but I honestly don't think it's too much to call her daily. She's an old woman, she can't see, and apparently she's alone all day.
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Your mom is suffering from overwhelming anxiety. Get her to her doctor or to a geriatric psychiatrist who can prescribe the right antidepressant/antianxiety meds for her. No, you are not being selfish.
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Sounds like mom has plenty going on in her life. MY life should be so busy. Ha! You're not being selfish. Don't give it a thought. She's just all wrapped up in herself as old people often are. Put it out of your mind.

Good daughter!
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Thanks for the suggestion, Sophe, but mom can't read, as she is legally blind.
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You have to take steps to protect your physical and psychological self. I put in a Presto at my Mom's place. It's a printing email box. It's the only way I can communicate with her successfully right now. I 'email' her from my computer and a little printer on her end table calls in to a storage area 5x/day and then prints out any messages that have arrived including photos, etc. She can then read it 1000 times a day to reassure herself about when I'll be there the next time. Plus she gets a kick out of the photographs. Maybe that would help?
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