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Did your mom have your other sisters when she had you?  She is ALSO their mother, so tell them to suck it up and come take part of the load off of you, or shut it up with the texts.  Shut the thing off and ignore them.  DEMAND them to help out with money to help with private sitters, supplies, etc.  I am totally lost as to people who have siblings and LET THEM GET AWAY with their unconcern for the shared parental responsibility.  IF I HAD SIBLINGS ( which I don't) then when my "time" was up, I would physically place my mother on their doorstep and tell them it was THEIR turn, and then I would return when it was MY turn to relieve them of my mom.  There are four of you?  Then EACH sibling GETS 3 months with mom!  PERIOD and NO DISCUSSION.
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Turn off your computer or change it so they don't have access to getting to you. Put a block on the people you no longer want to hear from. They won't know. They have no idea what you're going thru they probably don't thinks it's a job. I'm going thru the same thing with my brother . I've been taking care of my dad for the last 5-7 years.
I myself at this moment am so angry with him that I'm going to have someone else tell my brother when my dad transitions like my Minister. He barely helps and they want me to get a job. So I do know somewhat how your feeling.
Go through Elder Options or whichever elder help resource is in your town take a caregiver training class and use some of their options. They maybe able to help with respite care and other things like a companion for your mom so you can get out. Also, see if AARP have resources that you can use.
The Savvy caregiver training course help me tremendously. I was even able to get a free transitional counselor. I hope this helps. They say you have to take care of yourself first or you won't be able to help your mom and true.
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anonymous828521 Aug 2019
Great suggestions! @ahenley39...I wish I had used those ideas for my own situation...(but all is resolved now). P.S. Everyone here is such a great resource in their own way! (Thankful).
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Dear Lolli: YOU haven't caused a family upset. They, the 4 non-caregiving sisters, have. It is imperative that you take care of yourself. Oftentimes, this is what happens with long-time caregivers - they become ill because it is wearing on the body - physically and emotionally. You are to focus on getting well and not responding to their snarky text messages. Someone else will have to step up to the plate. Prayers sent to you.
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Oh my goodness you’ve uprooted your life to care for mom for the past 8 months! Your sisters have done nothing. How about suggesting a “rotating schedule” in 8 month increments of who will be taking care of mom? I bet they change their minds in a hurry!
you owe them nothing! You don’t need to explain to them how this caregiving arrangement is killing you.... just be firm and tell them to “figure it out” from here because you are taking a well deserved break. Forever!
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If your siblings will not each "take their turn", it's definitely time for a change.

Is your mother of sound mind?

If your mom is of sound mind, talk to her. 

Will your mom agree to relocate?  If she is willing to relocate, see if she would be willing to move to an apartment or an assisted living facility or a nursing home either near you (or near where most of her children could visit regularly -- if you and she actually believes they would). 

If your mom is of sound mind but unwilling to relocate, say farewell with a clear conscience.

If your mom is not of sound mind, see a lawyer and see what would be involved in getting you named as her legal guardian so you make decisions for her -- then liquidate most of her assets and relocate her  -- move her to an apartment assisted living facility or nursing home facility near your home so you could visit weekly.
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katiekat2009 Aug 2019
She's trying to get OUT of caring for mom, not add more.
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I'm just wondering why you didn't have them take over care when you went home for surgery? Using your daughter gave them another "out".
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Lolli5 Aug 2019
The whole family took over taking care of mom but they let me know that it was inconveniencing all of them because they had responsibilities, work and a life. My daughter was gracious enough to step in for me. And now they are being mean to her because she leaves Aug.28 to come back to St. Louis. They still haven't figured out what they are going to do but I can't go back. I am still sick and the stress is not helping me get any better.
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I'm so sorry your family is treating you like that. It's inevitable that the time will come when all our parents will need more help than we can give them. My sister-in-law, is even a nurse, and she told me she couldn't deal with her dad living with her. He has Parkinsons & Dimentia. That's why there are places that cater to the elderly.
If money is an issue, look around in your area for group homes. Maybe if you find a place, do your research, that feels homey to you, then tell your siblings, they might honor you for doing that.
Sending hopeful thoughts and prayers your way.💞
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Good Grief!!! You are obviously NOT the selfish one here - you did all you could, now it is their turn to help with mother or at the very least help you help mother. . . if you can't do it, you can't do it. Period. Tell them you need help, period and don't let them make you feel guilty. Have you been the only one who has cared for or helped your parents at any time? It seems with that many siblings, someone or all together could take turns. Have a family meeting and insist some decisions be made. Back yourself up with someone who knows what your needs are. (your physician maybe? sorry, don't know who.) Sounds to me that your siblings are contributing to some of your physical and emotional stress over this situation. I can't believe THEY are being so totally selfish and lacking in understanding and support.
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We all have to remember that we need to take care of ourselves first. Your sister's are being very cruel, selfish and irresponsible. Make a game plan to move you along, or move mother along... and then do it. You let them know what's going on, what they are responsible for fiscally and move it to action. It's very common trait of "bullys" to accuse the victim of the act that they themselves are guilty of - it's called projection and it is pure BS!
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Just let your angry siblings know you have done your time and it is now time for the next one of THEM to step up for the next 8 months! Easy peasy! Seriously. Don’t feel any guilt about this. You have already gone above and beyond.
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So glad you are home. Stick by ur guns. You did ur time for 8 months. Your health suffered for it. If they get nasty and intimidating, block them. I did it with a friend. Have no idea if she even tried to call.

I think 4 people can figure out care for one person. So, they have to take some time off from work. Maybe use vacation time. Oh well, we all have to do what we have to do to care for our parents.

It must feel so good to be back in ur own home. Enjoy and get ur health back. Thats what is important now. Hopefully they realize what was involved in caring for Mom.
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Your family sounds like a real piece of work! Now they’re being mean to your daughter? Good grief! Will their selfish ways never end? Do not go back. Your health is vital! Let them figure out that mom needs to be moved to be cared for. What gall!
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