My father is now in a long-term nursing facility but he's declining fast. I try to visit him several times a week but his hearing is starting to go and the conversation doesn't go anywhere. I try to offer him support and give him a smile but when I leave I feel so sad knowing that this is the end and I'm about to lose him (I'm the only family member and there's no support.)
In my own day to day routine, I just feel so sad. I don't want to say anything to the people who aren't close to me because I don't want to bring anyone down but I don't know how to lift myself out of this feeling. I've tried weekly trips to the spa, working out daily, an occasional candy bar, and try to spend more time reading positive affirmations on social media, than anything else. Therapist tells me I don't have clinical depression but instead tells me I'm just very sad. There's no medication for what I "have." How does everybody else who's going through the same thing get through this sad time in your life? I just don't know what to say or do anymore.
What you can do is hold your dad's hand.
Tell him that you love him. (even if he can not hear you he can see it in your eyes, your smile and even through your tears)
Thank him. Thank him for being the parent that he has been. Obviously he was a good dad or you would not be feeling the way you are. (and not everyone is that lucky, just read some of the posts on this site)
Tell him you will miss him but that you will be alright. And you will be. It may take time, it will always hurt but it will go from a sharp hurt to a dull ache in time. It's like when you get a deep cut that needs stitches. You heal but there is a scar, for a while the scar is red and can sometimes hurt but that fades and you are left with a scar that most of the time you do not notice but once in a while you get a glimpse of it and you remember the hurt.
The "medication" is TIME. And MEMORIES.
Talk to people and family about things you did, where you went, things he did, favorite foods. Keeping the memories alive are important.
I Volunteer with a Veterans group and there is a saying.
"A soldier dies twice: Once wherever he takes his last breath; and he dies again when he's forgotten." It is the same with any loved one. Keep his name alive and he will always be with you.
((hugs))
It'd feel weird if you were super happy/bubbly right now. It's just part of the normal, human process. You are going to feel sad. You're doing things correctly by treating yourself to a candy now & then, working out, etc. Going for walks often helps.
Your mind is super focused on this one problem. It won't last forever. You'll get through it. You are being normal.
It's good to read things that inspire you. However, inspirational quotes can be very annoying sometimes when you're feeling down.
How about watching an occasional funny animal video, or cute kid video on FB or You Tube. Try to find something to make you smile for a few minutes. Watch a funny old TV show you enjoyed in your childhood on You Tube or stream it. You deserve a bit of happiness and joy in your life, especially now when you're dealing with so much stress and sadness. If you have any pets, they're always a big help. Just a few minutes of joy a day will make a great difference in your life right now.
i’ve been through similar very sad feelings.
you are doing your absolute best.
it’s terrible that so many things, regarding health, are out of our hands.
love him with all your might.
i am, and everyone on this forum, is doing the same with their LOs.
cherish the moments.
he’s alive now!
create something beautiful:
—maybe make yourself the healthiest you’ve ever been!! this way something very positive came out of very sad days.
—maybe write something beautiful you’ll cherish later.
—create art, something good…so that there was a positive.
big, big, big hugs.
bundle of joy (at the moment sad myself)
bigggg hugs to you!!
i hope you're feeling ok!!!
on my side, i am back to my normal self, not sad.
please be super gentle to yourself, OP.
and let's do all we can - everyone - to appreciate being alive, and that our LOs are alive!
big, big hugs!!
What helped me was helping HIM while he was alive, laughing together, supporting one another.
What helped me after he was gone was keeping a book in which I wrote to him (we had always written one another long long letter when we weren't living in the same town. I told him all the things I missed, how sad I was, how appreciative I was, all the wonderful things I remembered, what I saw that day that reminded me of him, and I decorated it all up with collage. I did this for approximately a year, and then I felt the sadness lessening, almost as though he were letting me go and moving on, or I was able to let him go from me.
Sadness is indeed a part of life.
A book I loved, short and easy read, was C.S. Lewis's book A Grief Observed, the book he wrote about the loss of his beloved wife. It has so much to say about grief and about love and about life, short tho it is. Mr. Lewis is quite a "believer" and I am more an atheist, but I found his book marvelously full with comfort.
I sure wish you luck. I am so happy you have a therapist. That will help to get you through.
As a nurse I am rather used to death, if you will, and I have always seen it as the natural progression, the end and a release from fear and pain, so I started out a bit on nodding terms with the Grim Reaper, if you will. I know that helped me. But there are many ways to find help. There are even grief groups, where you can get the guidance of others and at the least know you are not alone in this time.
Best out to you.
It happens to all of us -- the beginning of life, the middle where you are, and the end where your dad is. We are all born, and we all die. Those who are left behind are saddened by it, but life continues.
No one's life is upbeat and happy all the time. There are ups and there are downs, and some ups are way up, and some downs are way down. This is one of those times, and you need to continue to live through it and you WILL live through it.
You need to stop looking for a cure for a natural feeling, accept that you'll be sad, and embrace the literal circle of life.