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Dear im, type this into your browser following the https://

www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/pdf-0093-annual-report-request-form.pdf

Print 2 of these forms. Fill them out, one for you, one for your husband. Stamp them and put them in the mail today, to the Atlanta, GA address. This will get you PRIVATELY all 3 copies of the credit reports for both of you sent to your mailbox free, pretty quickly. You'll have in your hot little hands detailed reports, you can take your time and look at to see just what is up.

If he's hidden a bank account, which is a joint asset since you're married, that's the equivalent of stealing. There is no telling what else he's done. Find out fast. There could be debts racked up on credit cards, home equity loans, revolving credit, and since you are married the debts are legally yours, the same as the asset -bank account-you found out he hid from you. Understand what is up for yourself so you can talk to your attorney about strategy. If you can prove you didn't know those existed you may be able to get free of them and get your 1/2 of what is left, unaffected.

Bank accounts, if they are joint, may be empty for all you know. He could very easily be making withdraws from joint savings and putting them into his secret "me only" accounts. I know someone who's husband did that, while she worked away and put her little money in there, thinking they had "X" amount in savings. Some of it he was taking out on the sly at noon hours at the bank in person, putting in his pocket, then buying things for his new girlfriend, (meals and jewelry). Check balances if you haven't.

Hope you have a GOOD attorney. The President of the State Bar Association is usually a pretty good attorney, well known, well liked by the judges, and known as a straight arrow. (Your attorney's reputation as honest will be important when unwinding dishonest doings in court.) Speak with his paralegal, explain your situation, ask for a referral to someone good near you who will care.

So glad you have a daughter in your corner. (I'd make mince meat out of someone who pulled that on my Mom.) :-) Head's up, you can look at yourself in the mirror, and he cannot. Everything happens for a reason, your soulmate may be floating around unknowingly just waiting for you to be free and put in his path someday in the future.
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oy. Again, get a good attorney as recommended here. He wants his freedom? Yes, he can go free but make. him. pay.
I also think you need someone to come and evaluate yourself, just where you are. This will help in the type of help you need to look for as well.
A good old fashioned shunning of this guy would also go a long way I think. Of course, he may not give a d*mn anyway.
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you need an elder lawyer, someone who specializes in these matters for the elderly.Plus contact your local aging and disability resources usually at the court house.In our area lawyers do not charge for their services for the elderly /handicapped or charge very little.you need representation,you cannot do this alone.Good luck
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Ok. Now you know what is do be done. Get attorney and freeze. you should be entitled to some of that.After all your married to him. And if your attorney is good he'll fight the abuse for your the sick one(no pun intended) and show how long you have been sick.. It is told that when a man is sick the women stays but when she is sick they leave.
Since you know where he wants to be FREE. then FREE him. and take care of yourself. Try aid and assistance thru medicare.
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First off, Apply for Social Security Disability.( even if you are already retired you need a disability determination for some benefits)
If you are determined Disabled then you will be eligible for Maintenance the rest of your life since you were married so long and you are unable to work. Your Husband needs to be paying all the household expenses right now. You should not be short of money and needing groceries assistance.
Has he filed for Divorce?, Get a lawyer and set up an initial court date so that he is court ordered to pay household expenses and not just walk off into the sunset with all of his income.
Good Luck.
Contact your local area agency on aging to see if they have home delivered meals or a volunteer chore service that could help.
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First, you need an attorney who will fight for YOU! Thirty years of marriage entitles you to at least half of the assets, you can get HIS social security earnings (if they are higher than yours), and if you have such a memory problem you have a "medical necessity" reason to have people come in and take care of bills, housekeeping, etc. BUT, you need to find a doctor who treats all your ailments, or refer you to doctors who can as soon as possible. Maybe your husband is having memory problems too. At any rate do not be distressed as you are entitled to a lot. If he was military, the payments to you can be deducted from his pension BEFORE it gets to him. Get a sharp attorney!
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You are so clear about your needs. I am very impressed with that. I am so sorry you-or anyone -would find themselves in such a situation. The advice here is very sound. you said you have gone to a lawyer. Has that been helpful? Asking on this forum is a wonderful way to get support so you don't feel so alone. I am wishing you the best. It will work out as you have already done things to help yourself. I would love to hear how you are doing. And that could help others in a similar situation. I am caregiver for my husband. People have told me to leave. I cannot imagine leaving him . Yes you are the victim of mental cruelty. You sound very strong facing such problems. chris
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If you live in a community property state, you may be able to get a substantial percentage of the assets you and your husband share. When my spouse of 40 years (at the time) wanted a divorce, the lawyer I consulted—who happened to be the ex-wife of one of his old sailing buddies—said I could probably get 60%, based on the length of the marriage. She recommended that I start putting money into accounts in my name only. She also said, "The guys really hate to give up half their retirement." As it happened, we did not divorce and now I'm taking care of him.
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Know your rights, if he left you, then I am fairly certain you have some.
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i would suggest you file for maintainance and regarding the enviornment with your health please approach social security resources which can help you
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imamess , I'm so sorry about your situation. As the others have suggested, you need to find a family law or related type of attorney. You will need this advocate to make certain that you have resources when this whole mess is over.

It may seem frightening to be alone, but staying with a man who doesn't want to be there is more frightening. You daughter sounds like a gem. She's behind you and can likely help you find the right resources in your community. See if some counseling is available for you through family services to help you get through this terrible time. Once you are on the other side, you may find that your life has improved. It's getting there that is so hard.

Please keep us updated on how your are doing.
Carol
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iamamess, I am so sorry for the situation you find yourself in. Unfortunately in many men's lives there comes a time when they think it will be fun to play the field again and maybe find a newer model if he hasn't already. The spouse is usually the last to find out what is going on.
That being said do not take on yourself any guilt for this break up. your illness is not your fault. hubby would never have been an ongoing support for you in any case with this attitude. the length of time you have been married has little bearing on the time a divorce takes place.
As others have said find a lawyer you feel comfortable with a build a support team from there. Your daughters help remains essential but it should not all fall on her shoulders.
You do not mention your age but there are subsidized apartments available in many areas for the over 55s or disabled and the rent is based on income. Maybe look into somethig like this closer to your daughter. meals on wheels is an excellent idea or have your daughter pick up some decent frozen meals for you or maybe freeze something she has made. With your memory loss make sure you have a notebook and pen with you at all times. Note any mail that hubby receives. I would not open it but note the return address on all envelopes and if after he has opened it you are able to write down any account numbers etc do it, don't delay.
Depending on your State laws you may be eligible for half the value of your combined estates. This is a terrible shock for you and nothing you can recover from overnight but begin to chart your own course and make sure you are not left penniless. Blessings
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My heart goes out to you. Yes, use only a matrimonial/family/divorce or lawyer, for sure. Make sure the lawyer has a relationship with a forensic accountant. If hubby is using a shell company to hide assets and/or real estate, it'll take more than a freeze to determine his full net worth. Also -- because you have memory issues, have your daughter or a trusted friend with you at every lawyer visit -- and all other consultations related to your divorce. At every appointment, ask permission to record the audio of your session. Whether you are allowed to record or not, take good notes and insist that your sidekick do the same. Ask the lawyer/whomever if he/she can give you printouts that are relevant to what you are discussing. In short, do anything and everything to compensate for your memory issues. You already know that your husband is hiding money and making false accusations. It's safe to assume that he will try to get the upper hand by exploiting your memory issues, too. For you, the best defense is a good offense. Don't cut corners, no matter how daunting your legal bills are. The outcome of these proceedings will determine how you live the rest of your life. You only have one shot at getting this right, so arm yourself with every advantage.
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I wouldn't delay on the legal front. If your husband has extra accounts, you might want to freeze them by court order so he can't hide them further or waste them.
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Mental cruelty and other frightening allegations are not unusual in a divorce. The initial Complaint for Divorce generally makes the spouse seem like a Frankenstein monster. That's not unusual.

Your attorney (and use ONLY a matrimonial, family law or divorce attorney, NEVER a general practitioner) should initiate the process of data gathering which would require your husband to enumerate his assets. This is done through pleadings, and as I recall he has to certify when he responds that his answers are accurate. If he withholds information, he's misleading the court and attempting to shield his assets. That will not be viewed benevolently by a judge.

Also ask your attorney if your state has no-fault divorces. That can avoid a lot of mud-slinging accusations and emotional trauma. Instead of listing what each party has done, the parties just state that they no longer have an amicable relationship, something that simple.

You don't mention working beyond apparently having to abandon a career. If you have no viable work skills, job or career, ask for alimony. Your attorney will know how to request this in counter pleadings.

Don't do anything with any of your financial accounts w/o your attorney's advice. But also raise with him/her the issue of freezing your husband's assets so he doesn't hide them in offshore accounts or something like that.

In the meantime, check into getting Meals on Wheels to minimize the driving for your daughter. You'll get a meal daily, and depending on your particular area may also be able to order to order meals for the weekends.

Have your daughter review the frozen meals to choose the most healthy; there's one brand that doesn't have preservatives and actually tastes like real food; that might be an option. Your daughter seems to have a life of her own so anything you can do to relieve the chores for her would help both of you.
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It sounds like your daughter is supporting you, and that's good. Be up front about all your physical and memory problems with your lawyer, you may be able to use that in the divorce settlement. Once the divorce is settled you will need to take stock of what you can do with the money you have available. It may be wise to move into more affordable housing at that time.

While you are at the lawyers you should look into setting up your POAs, perhaps naming your daughter if she is willing? Are there other kids?

As for the meds, your stress may be adding to your confusion. There are pill containers available that can remind you to take your meds at the proper time, hope somebody here can provide a link about that.
BTW, your soon to be ex sounds like a real a**. Give your lawyer every document you can find about his hidden accounts.
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