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Wow! The Assisted Living group home I placed my Mother/Step-father ONLY make sure those residents who have medications which DO CAUSE DROWSINESS are bathed, night clothes on, and comfortable in bed. If they want to watch TV, no issue. Every room has cable TV.
My Mother has always loved watching the news, but she has Alzheimers and her meds fo cause her to fall asleep before the 10:00pm news as well as my step-father.
The staff makes sure that they are safely in bed and turn off the TV for the night.
Neither Mom nor Step-father are given sleeping aides whatsoever.
I've been there at dinner time, those who can eat together in the dining room, until almost midnight. Not 1 person is given a sleeping side, not 1.
My 1 sister gets upset and will text me and ask why Mom is always asleep when she calls. Not a difficult thing to understand sister. Mom sleeps almost 24/7. Sister calls at lunchtime when the staff is trying to make sure everyone is eating without difficulty. Or, she calls after 10:00pm and Mom's meds have kicked in so Mom is asleep. The 1 side tells me that she can tell what time it is at night because my sister calls at the same time every night. Yeppers, I was home for Mom's birthday and sister calls at 10:00pm. Bridget picked up the phone and said, this is your sister and it was!
She wanted Bridget to wake Mom so she could tell her happy birthday. I took the phone and told her that wasn't going to happen because Mom was sound asleep and waking her is not good for people with Alzheimers because they're already lost in their minds.
Get a list of the meds your Mom is being given BY THE HEAD NURSE. Is Mom being seen by her GP or does the nursing home have a contracted doctor? Have your doctor's nurse or any person who can legally draw blood form panels to go with you.

Yes, there are facilities that give sleeping aides so they aren't bothered during the night. Very similar when parents give their children Benedril.

I'm lucky our daughter is an RN, so she reads the panels for me to make sure that the list of meds given to Mom show up in the panels.
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Your parent has rights, my mom always was a nite owl and is in AL, she gets her time very mixed up, so she could be getting ready at 3 in the morning. The aids just let her go, she might even watch TV with them. The aid had NO right talking to her that way, of course you should complain, don't let them get away with it, they just don't want to deal with them.
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Your mother is unhappy and her patient rights are being violated. I would recommend starting up the chain of command: nurse manager or director of nursing, administrator, ombudsman. The aide definitely needs to be re-educated but it sounds like the problem is widespread on the evening/night shift, based on her response to you. I’m sure they will implement a plan of action to rectify the issue. It may not fix everything, but it should make it better for your Mom.
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That's not right.  Your mother should be able to go to bed whenever she wants...especially in her own apartment/room.  I would understand if she was wandering the halls or going into the dining room that was closed, etc.. but to say she can't even watch the evening news in her own space...that's none of their damn business.  Yes, some medications do cause drowsiness, but why can't she get drowsy while watching the news?  It is very difficult to believe everything that comes out of the mouth of someone with dementia, but since you witnessed it yourself...there is no doubt.  Not sure I would allow my mom to stay at a place like that. They should be "assisting" her with tasks should she need it, not controlling her.
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no
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Definitely check out the pills is the first thing you should do .Trust me then start asking some questions..Residents have rights they are not Children that are told to go to bed at a certain time..If your Mother is walking on her own and can some what take care of her needs then by all means she should be able to watch her TV if it isn't blaring to disrupt others. Do not be afraid to speak up.
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Been almost a week, wonder if OP has talked to the Administrator.
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Report exactly what you have told us to your long term care ombudsman.

My head is spinning too much for me to begin listing what the facility is doing wrong.
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Reading these posts makes my stomach turn. This is exactly what I don’t want to happen to my mom. Her mother lived to be 100-spent 20 years in a facility. At first things were good, but the last few years she was treated poorly. They lost her dentures and they couldn’t be replaced, so they gave her baby food. She often had bruises on her arms, but begged my mom not to tell. She knew there would be ramifications. They plugged her tv into the outlet that was controlled by the wall switch and turned it off every night. Every time she turned it back on the tv needed to be reprogrammed and they wouldn’t do it, so she couldn’t watch tv until we came. She lived 90 minutes from us and there was little we could do, visiting only once a month. My mom’s friend went to a home and hated it, so she refused to eat and passed away. My father in law did the exact same thing a couple years ago since he couldn’t go back home. Today I’ve had a barrage of phone calls from mom’s doctor and other facilities since we took her in last Friday and the doctor decided she’s unsafe in her apartment. I hope I never need to put her in a facility. I’m going to hire help. Luckily she’s only 5 minutes away from me! Sending hugs to you all ❤️
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RedVanAnnie Jan 2020
Good for you to hire private help for your mother. Hopefully that will work and you won't have to move her to a facility.
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Have we heard from the OP at all since the initial post?
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I had never heard of residents being forced to go to bed at a certain time.   I have heard that at 8:00PM it is quiet time and residents are supposed to stay in their rooms and not go into the common areas as they were closed off.  This was mostly due to many residents being asleep and limited staff...more so for the peace and safety of residents.    I think it is highly odd that a grown adult would be forced to go to bed...especially in their own room.  I would contact the administration.
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I think this OP vanished. Not posting anything else on this post.
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First, do you have Power of Attorney for medical and financial decisions? If you possess the medical POA, they absolutely should not be giving your mother anything not approved by you or her doctor. No one at my mother's assisted living residence makes her, or anyone else, go to bed at a certain time. I would meet with the director and wellness director of your mother's facility and clarify their policies. It is never very helpful to talk to the "on the floor" staff alone.
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I am the person who posted the question. But, I did not know how to answer people. What do I click on?

Short answers: 1. The facility had state inspectors interviewing residents three days later. I did not call. Another family called about their issues. Mom refused to talk to them because she said she did not want the employees to yell at her. I found out about it a week later.
2. The facility has case managers who know how to say sweet, agreeable words, but never bring anything to a satisfactory conclusion. Their answer is always that Mom is the problem or telling stories.
3. I have found another AL residence for my mother. By the way it is almost half the cost of what she was paying for disrespectful care.
4. I am very grateful for all of the answers supplied. You all helped me gain perspective and courage.
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anonymous1010889 Feb 2020
There is an arrow at the bottom of each reply that gives you an opportunity to respond specifically to that reply.

I appreciate that you took the time to update everyone. Best wishes to you and your mom. I hope the new ALF is a good experience for both of you.
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Thanks for the update. Glad u found Mom another place. Also glad that others had problems so u know it wasn't just Mom and you.
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Thanks so much for the update. What a shame y’all had to go through this! As if you don’t have enough to worry about. Anyway, I am happy you found a different center for your loved one! Very best wishes. Lynn
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