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My Aunt died on March 17, 2021. She never liked me or my mom. I never cared for her. I hope I’m not sounding like a bad person, it’s been a hard week. My mom will finally be in nursing home full time, that’s a good sign her health is declining. Anyways my Aunt died I felt nothing, no tears, I had to fake it while my dad cried. I felt nothing, still don’t. Does that make me a bad person? Has anyone on here ever felt like this or it it just me?

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Feelings are just feelings. It is our actions, good or bad, that are the issue. If you and your aunt were not close, then it is quite understandable that you are not feeling sorrow. Just hones, not bad.
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No it does not make you a "bad" person.
With caring for your mom that may be taking all the emotion you can give now.
And if you were not close it would be the same as if the neighbor down the street had died, would you cry for them?
and do not let anyone try to make you feel bad that you are not "emotional enough"
Everyone deals with grief and sometimes relief in their own way.
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My OB died and I felt nothing but relief.

He had abused/molested me into my adult years---and who knows how many other kids?

How do you rake up sorrow for someone who took away from you that which was NOT THEIRS to take?

My mom snarkily said to me "well, I hope you're happy now". I just told her I was grateful he could no longer father any more children to ruin. No, I wasn't HAPPY, I wasn't ANYTHING.
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“Feelingsl don’t “make” you any kind of person.

ACTIONS define the kind of person you are.
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Please don’t feel badly over either the loss of an aunt you weren’t close to or seeing your mother in a nursing home. I have an aunt who’s alternated being sweet and nasty to most everyone her whole life, but mostly nasty. Aunt Witch is old now, still mean and rude. I already know I won’t feel sad when she’s gone, and that’s perfectly understandable. My mom spent four miserable years in a nursing home when her health challenges went way past any other option. She was miserable because of her illness, not the actual place. Nursing homes are rarely what anyone wants, but when it’s time, we have to make peace with it and be supportive as best we can. I wish you peace
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On the contrary, I think it was a kindness of you to fake it to be supportive of your father’s grief.
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Update mom is being moved in to the nursing home right know she’s blaming me Monday March 29 throwing a big fit making a scene I just walked away let my dad handle and starting my life again her doctors told her it was necessary because she’s in poor health and can’t do much on her own cause she needs to be watch. My Aunt never really new me as a person only saw her once a year for Christmas never went out or had lunch or even went shopping I guess I long for that never gotten one thing from her no presents for Holidays or birthdays or her many trips no one said she was a good Aunt to me or asked. Her daughters my cousins are as nasty as she is have said I don’t like you in our faces many times I don’t have any relationship with them never have I just don’t like any of them.
At least I won’t see them never again cause they live in different states one is married.I’m in my car gonna start my new life going back to Nevada this week where I been living and my permanent home.
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Fake what? What did you fake?

If you don't feel grief, don't express grief. There are plenty of ways of mourning a person's loss, of paying your respects to her, and certainly of comforting those who do grieve and will miss her and have their own memories of her without sobbing your heart out. There shouldn't be any need to fake *anything.*

Any person's death is a moment for sober reflection, at the very least: read John Donne's sermon on the subject. But assuming you didn't wear a ra-ra skirt and sing ding-dong the witch is dead I can't imagine in what way you think you even might have behaved like a "bad person."
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499HopeFloats Mar 2021
This is great advice.

and this... “assuming you didn't wear a ra-ra skirt and sing ding-dong the witch is dead” gave me a much needed laugh today:)
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My Dad was one of 8 and I can say I did not cry for his one sister. I had told Mom not to volunteer me for anything to do with her. Most of the neices and nephews didn't like her. I did feel sorry for her because I think she was a lonely person. She really didn't have friends in the end.

As said, we don't choose who we are related to.
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Why would you cry over someone that never liked you or you never liked them? I sure wouldn't. I didn't cry when one of my 3 Aunts died( I still have 2 alive)and I liked her. Nor did I cry when my parents died, as they were both very abusive. And even though I had long ago forgiven them, I at that point had no real feelings towards them. Everyone deals with death and grief differently, so don't beat yourself up because you had to "fake it" for your dad. To me it just sounds like you're human like the rest of us.
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Why do you have to love everyone on earth? An Aunt is an accident of blood. If there is no reason to love her then there isn't. I never shed a tear for any Aunt save one, and I had a bunch of them. Will go you one better. When my partner's mother died he was nothing but relieved. She wasn't a good mother (to say the least) and was problematic her entire life. They were down to the obligatory call once a week on Sundays. With her death his Sunday was his, instead of a day he dreaded.
As far as being a good person or a bad person, I do the best I can. I am not up for Sainthood. When you get there they fill you full of arrows, kill you, and pray to you for eternity to cure everything in the world. Not a good job description.
Best out to you. If you are not a Saint, but just a struggling human being doing the best you can, then join my club!
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