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NHWM, have you brought up facilities with her? I am asking because this is the kind of curve ball that gets thrown when manipulation is the order of the day.

Of course you are overwhelmed and out of sorts, yikes, you have been caring for 14 years without a break. Who would know what to think of this, not me. But because of my parents I am always keeping my eyes open for manipulative behavior.

Hugs!
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2019
Isthisreallyreal,

I wrote a long post to you. It’s in general section. Please read. I forgot to put in under your name. Exhausted!
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The Bible says from dust to dust and ashes to ashes. So I think that any way you choose will be fine.

I agree, it is silly to spend thousands and thousands to be buried, when you won't even spend money for your care.

We are gone when our bodies are dead, we are spirits that live in these meat bodies, kinda like our meat bodies live in our brick and mortar houses.
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2019
Sorry, out of sorts today.
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I’m a lapsed Catholic, but I believe that cremation is now accepted in our religion. Does Mom know that?

Neither one of my parents wanted a wake, a viewing or even a memorial service. They were cremated and interred and that was it. Mom can have a Mass said over her for the family and whoever else wants to attend. Speak with her priest and whichever funeral parlor she chooses. A funeral is a personal thing and she should be able to have whatever she wants. There is nothing that says she has to have a large, expensive funeral. Any funeral director should be willing to help her plan a service that she is comfortable with.
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2019
Ahmijoy,

Yes, she knows. She watches mass on television. She only goes to doctor appointments now. I had to find a hairstylist that would come to the house. I can’t even get to mass. I watch it on tv too now. I hate being a prisoner in my own home. I guess my husband and I could take turns and go separately but I going but I want to be with him so we watch it on tv together. Not the same as going to church.

Thanks for responding.
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I'd try to honor her wishes. Do you think she's not being honest with you about what she wants? If she's able, she could select what she wants for herself now. Pre-planning is possible. I'd get an idea of what the cost is, so you know what she can cover. Traditional funerals can be very expensive and may not be feasible for some families. I looked into Direct burial to keep costs down, since my LO always wanted burial. She has a plot in her church's cemetery, so, I think we can keep cost down to within her life insurance coverage.
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2019
Sunny,
I don’t really know. I don’t want to have regrets. Yes, cost is a factor but I will research my options. I like your answer. Thanks.
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