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My 100 year old mom is pretty sharp for her age, with some to be expected memory lapses. She has borderline personality disorder, however, and has had all of her life. She's an extremely difficult person. Now can barely see, hearing almost gone, can't walk well, etc. The doctor prescribes medications for her and she insists upon handling them herself. For the most part, she does okay with the ones she has been familiar with for years, but she needs some help with the newer meds and she doesn't want my help. She is forever insisting that I call the pharmacist to make sure the doctor gave her the right thing, or she wants me to "get the doctor on the phone" to verify that she has the right drugs. She doesn't remember that she has already asked me to do the same thing several times previously. When I try to explain things to her she goes into epic rages, says I'm trying to gaslight her, etc. Tonight we had a major yell fest about it. If you ever want to feel guilty, just yell at your 100 year old mom! We reached a compromise, more or less, but I am wondering if anyone else ever has this problem. I love my mom dearly, but between this, general caregiver duties and dealing with her personality disorder, I'm at my wits end.

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For Mom to act this was, repeating and forgetting you have already done it, there is some decline and at 100 this could be the start of Dementia. Really, the body can't go on forever.

I would wonder if Mom needs all the meds she takes. IMO, Cholesterol medication should not be given after a certain age. Its a Statin that effects cognitive ability. It also effects the liver. Once the enzymes become high, Statins should be stopped. In older people medications also don't leave the body as fast. So, you get too much in ur system. The next time you go to the Dr with her, if she hasn't had labs lately, I would ask for a full work up. Then I would as to have her meds looked at.

Forgive yourself and move on. Next time she starts hollaring, walk out.
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The main thing is to deflect the blame from yourself. Order the blister packs as suggest above, but when they come, you act like you're as baffled as she is.

"Huh-- look at this. They grouped all the meds into a single daily dose. That must be how pharmacies are doing it now."

(Be sure to get your meds delivered that way, too.)

By doing that little act, you've removed the blame from yourself and placed it on the pharmacy. Not a specific person -- "the pharmacy." There's no one to yell at, because we don't quite know who to blame.

Oftentimes this deflecting to an "it" rather than to a "you" difuses the situation -- at least it worked for me.
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Daughterof1930 Oct 2021
Great idea, very similar to when I had young children and would just look blankly and say “imagine that”
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My Mom has VD. She argued with me about taking her meds. Initially refused a pill box. Had her own system. Long story short - she took many of one, not enough of the other... So I got a pill box and had her fill it. We have a list of meds for morning and evening, she used the list to fill the boxes. When meds change, we change the list and note the change. Same process each time even when meds change. Hope this helps. At this point, I have had to hide the pill box and give her meds to her when SHE TOOK MY PILLS by mistake. It's one of the last things they have independence with so it's hard for them to give up control. My Mom relinquished when she thought she could have hurt me. She doesn't fight it anymore
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Can you explain compliance packaging? I'm afraid, in any case, the answer may be no. She can't tolerate change of any kind. Rocks her world.
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cwillie Oct 2021
By compliance packaging I mean presorted by the pharmacy, usually in blister packs.

https://drugpackage.com/whats-new/blister-pack-manage-medication/

You could tell her the pharmacy is mandating it for all their older customers.....😉
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What about having her drugs sent out in compliance packaging?
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