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If he is lonely can you get him an older dog or cat to replace the animal he lost. I suggest an older animal so that he doesn't have to train it. Try a city shelter or a pet rescue. This way he has a responsibility/job.
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PeggySue2020 Oct 2022
All the responsibility of pet care goes to the family as seniors become unable to do it. And then there’s the fact that as the dog or cat become incontinent, enfeebled or lame as they are, the more they’re going to freak at the idea of euthanizing their “furbaby” who they are “dog mom” to.

My so’s grandma had a betta fish in her AL. She also had an aide that would change its quart of water every few days. There was no aquarium setup and of course no vet care.
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He is probably worried about being alone while you are away(?) set your boundary and get him set up with care while you are away on your trip. If possible, start the in-home care/support before your trip and discuss the need to transition into the next phase of his life. Professional help with your supervision.
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Let him know this is your romantic and restorative vacation and that you will provide a caregiver for him while you're away. Perhaps get him a lovely gift that he will enjoy.

Perhaps his caregiver can take him on an outing or two while you're away?

Aloha!
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It is really simple.

You say "No." It isn't safe for you and I feel very sad about this . . . then you change the subject.

Get out your feelings elsewhere - get support from friends, here, social worker. Don't dump on him and explain 'away'.

Be clear and understand why you need to set boundaries so you feel confident (enough) when talking with him. Hold his hand while you do. Don't make it a prolonged discussion. If you can 'tie in' another person staying with him . . . or him doing activities he might enjoy . . . do this. If it was me, I'd make it very short.

Another way, if he forgets is NOT tell him you are going.

Touch Matter, Gena.
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Your first mistake was to tell him you are going. Next tell him no! you need private time. Hopefully he will laugh.
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I see you have solved your issue concerning the Maui trip. I agree that the trip would be way too much for him. It might be nice to plan a little mini trip that he could handle, though. Western BC is a wonderful place, with a lot of beautiful scenery. I live several hundred miles south of you, but within an hour's drive of the Cascade mountains. There are oodles of places to rent in the mountains, often with a lake view. Some of the cabins are not expensive, either. You might think about renting a 2 bedroom cabin for 2 or 3 days. Your Dad will have a trip and you and your wife can spend a few days listening to the birds and watching the trees and water with your Dad. When my Mom was in her 90's we would do this or rent side-by-side rooms in an ocean front motel. She loved these mini trips almost as much as the globe-trotting trips that she took in middle age when she could hike all day.
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If he has money to take trips, is there anyone that could go with him to be his chaperone? Like a caregiver person to be with him during the entire trip. Scooters can be rented and/or wheelchairs. All of you could meet up for meals or special outing.

If just getting there wears him out, he may stay at the hotel all the time anyway. So 24 hr provider with him would be company and to keep him out of trouble. Would allow you private time and a break, too.

Otherwise, is there a shorter trip you could include him on? And take a caregiver to help him out. A cruise is a self contained fun ship. He would never have to leave the ship...or possible just use scooter/wheelchair to get into the port shops. Then back to the ship. That might be a better trip that you could do with him - separate/adjoining rooms with someone else doing the caregiving. Might be fun.
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BurntCaregiver Oct 2022
@my2cents

They don't want him going on the trip with them and that is understandable. A married couple sometimes wants to take a vacation by themselves. A family caregiver needs to get away from the person they take care of day in and day out.
All the chaperones and scooters and assistance in the world don't matter. The bottom line is the OP needs to get away from her elderly father for a while. As in taking a vaccation from him, not with him. Everyone needs a break from time to time.
I remember when my in-laws invited themselves on a vacation. They're independent and neither of us were their caregivers. We did not get a minute to ourselves. Never again.
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BCMan100: I am glad to read that your father will not be going on this long distance vacay with you. You deserve and need this vacation to recharge. Upon your return, perhaps you could take dad on a short car trip to a favorite destination of his. Have a wonderful time!
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