We recently moved my mother closer to us so we could help out and spend more time with her. She's 82 and is in declining health. On a recent visit, mom said all of her phones were missing, then proceeded to unleash hell on my unsuspecting wife, blaming her for the missing devices. She also complains... constantly. My wife will never return to visit her.
My wife is retired and she originally volunteered to help out because I still work. I'm afraid that situation is no longer viable as my mother treats my wife poorly. So, I work, and I take care of her now, as much as I can while still trying to lead a somewhat normal life, which is getting more and more difficult.
She fell last week, breaking her wrist, and banging her head on the way down. When the hospital called, I had 2 diametrically opposite reactions: Shock, fear for her, and sadness. The other was hoping it was a severe fall and she wouldn't be coming home. I hate myself for that.
Does anyone else experience that emotional incongruity? Am I a horrible person for that?
I'm a little bit in your wife's shoes, though my m-i-l isn't that bad yet. My husband says "She was never like this before," and I have to try hard to bite my tongue because, in my view, she was always like this. He just didn't see it, blinded (and fortunately so) by their loving mother-son relationship. But now the micro-aggressions are becoming more visible. There's no point in me saying "I told you so." It's hard to see him go through this realization, but it's an unavoidable part of life. You have a rough road ahead of you, but it will get better. Remember to always put your marriage first—you're going to need each other. Good luck.
She is only 76 and fairly healthy. She has the beginnings of dementia and some arthritis and could be living an active life but she does nothing but watch tv all day.
She currently lives with me and sometimes I wish there would be a reason that she had to go into a nursing facility. You are not horrible and you are not alone in how you feel.