My mom was living independently and had some health issues, falls and hospitalization. After rehab she is now living in an assisted living facility. We were hoping she could transition to independent living, but she will not do anything for herself. Will not get out of bed except for meals that are delivered to her room, won't go to the dining room and will not participate in anything. It has only been a week. When we visit she just stays in bed, no tv, no radio, no computer, nothing. She is obviously depressed, and I don't know how to help her. She won't walk with us, we offer to join her in the dining room for her meals, she is not interested in anything.
I live on my own after my husband died of Altzheimers in Sept 2019. However I still have his ashes here, on his armchair, so I have his presence always - this is really important to me. I guess grief takes a toll which is likely to be unquantified by other people for years.
Maybe the lady in question is suffering from grief?
I would certainly find it extremely difficult to 'settle down' in a care home which I have not chosen, after being ejected from my own home? Especially if I had no say about what happened to my property and effects - which happens quite often, here in the UK, and in the USA.
More information needed about this lady, I feel!!!!
We are a short ways away from 86 yr old mom going to AL, and anticipate this exact thing to happen. Every day it kills me inside, but there are no other care options now. She was recently dx with dementia, on top of concerning cardiac problems. Currently in a rehab facility (post hospitalization for cardiac), her diagnoses make returning home an unsafe option.
Truly, my heart goes out to you...and me, in a short time. Please know that your post, which I'm now following, is helping me and others.
In the interim, while you let her know how deeply she is loved, also give her opportunity and openings to talk about her losses. She may not want to at all, but if she's the 'huggy type' just hold her, hold her hand, and tell her that even if she doesn't want to talk about it, you do understand that she's dealing with deep life losses and you're there if she wants to talk about it.
What helps my mom is to give her news on the kids, their school accomplishments, reading and math progress, bringing pictures they've drawn and showing pics of them on the phone. Reading materials help like magazines, etc.
She may have severe vitamin and mineral deficiencies and proving a good liquid for daily intake may help (I keep Mom supplied with Passion 4 Life, a 30 ml daily dose. Also extra vita D and magnesium. Most key are good probiotics - that gut-brain axis - for depression. We use Mega Spore Probiotics (started low per package directions). You could also have her checked for a UTI which can take elders down and change cognition dramatically.
Hang in there with her, even if it's just sitting by her with the TV or radio on or a book to pass the time.
Best -
I would tend to say: give her time to adapt, while monitoring her physical and emotional health very closely. Make sure she's getting the right nutrition and hydration. Make sure she's taking any vitamins and Rx her physician recommends. Make sure her new AL home is as inviting and comfortable as possible.
Look for small changes that indicate she's adjusting: getting out of bed, talking and laughing with you, doing something she loves in her own apartment, meeting a neighbor, joining meals.... It will take time.
My mother moved to a big, beautiful home to be near to me in her mid80s. The move was entirely her choice, and she was living in a community she knew very well. She was within walking distance of me, and I saw her daily. It STILL took her MONTHS to really adjust to the move. It was her FINAL move. This was where she would grow VERY old, or not old enough. The reality of the end of life hit her hard.
I knew she had turned a corner many months later when she agreed to let me plant a tree. Prior to that she'd just say, "I don't need a tree. I won't see it grow." She can now see that tree out of her 2nd floor bedroom window and talks about how big and beautiful it is.
Consult with staff and her doctor, too as you watch her adapt. The professionals know the expected stages and how to help her re-engage in life.
Does Mom realize that the AL is a step towards her becoming independent again? A hospital and Rehab stay could have contributed to the depression. Or, is she manipulative.
My MIL went into the hospital with a UTI that caused her Dementia like symptoms. She was put on IV antibiotics and sent to Rehab. She would not do the work even when told if she did, she would be released. I think in her mind by not doing she would also be released. Difference, doing the Rehab meant going back to her home, not doing meant an AL or LTC.
What is there so important to be in the dining room as an example? Many of the residents don't go out, what is there really to talk about?
Good luck.
Good luck to you