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Surprisingly my mother wasn't too much of a problem with changing briefs (she was still able to let them know often when she had to go, so the briefs were more 'just in case'.) In the last year she's been in a wheelchair, refusing to stand/walk, but would work with the aides for changing or showering, etc (she's in MC.) More recently she's been having issues with having them changed and because she had a stroke early October, she requires 2 people to assist and now a Hoyer lift. She gets uptight, so they've decided to go with anti-anxiety meds. She's had them before, and the smallest dose was enough to calm her, but with stroke and weight loss, they're going with 1/2 of that (cutting it, full dose made her too sleepy.)

While it may be "okay" to struggle through it, screaming and all, it would be better if there was a way to calm her down. I don't know how staff handles this issue, as clearly sitting in soiled briefs isn't good - generally, so they tell me, they can't force someone to do what they refuse to do. They usually have to coax them, promise something good, get them to think it's their idea, etc. Hospice nurse said mom seems to be "shy" now about being changed. It may be that her dementia has progressed further, esp with the stroke. But, much as I dislike medications, I would try that before trying to change a whirling dervish! The nice thing about the one she took, worked first time, every time, usually in about 15 m or so, and no need to wean her off of it if it doesn't work out. If you can find one that she can take a little before the usual changing time and it goes smoothly, go for it!

Otherwise, they'll just have to suck it up and continue bulling through the process. If those aides can't do it, find others. You can't reason with dementia, so trying to explain why the change is needed really won't help.
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Turn her on her side quickly after opening diaper tabs, clean her while on her side... & hold her arm or put her hand to hold onto bar ...you can also play music while changing diaper...dim lights ...stick to routine of changing her same time...maybe a script for calming meds...HUGS 🤗
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Jasmina Dec 2020
Thats a good idea. Maybe sing so the sr focuses on that instead of the changing. Great idea!
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When I worked in a Memory Care Assisted Living facility, I'd often hear the Alzheimer's and dementia folks screaming bloody murder when it was time for their adult brief to be changed. The care giver would just push THRU the tantrum, change the brief, and move on.

You need to hire people who can do just that: push past your mother's tantrums and change her soiled briefs. Otherwise, you're going to have a lot bigger problems to deal with than screaming fits!

Good luck!
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Is the change causing your mom pain? If so if she can be medicated prior that might help.
If it is anxiety again medication might help.
OR
this is just her having a tantrum like you say. If this is the case then the caregivers that back off need to be TOLD, INSTRUCTED that they are to carry on with the change no matter the screaming that is done.
If they are from an agency you could request other caregivers that will do what needs to be done.
BUT if you mom is doing more than screaming, if she is hitting, biting, scratching then she needs to be either medicated or since this is in your home you can put mitts on her to somewhat restrain her hands. Sometimes giving someone a towel or a soft toy will keep the hands occupied.
I probably would not give her anything to eat during one of these tantrums as she could easily aspirate whatever is in her mouth. But a child's teething toy might work.
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I've had success asking permission to check pressure areas, when a person claims she's just changed her own pad or that it doesn't need changing. Then you can "notice" that the pad is wet or soiled while you're about it.

"Screaming tantrums" - what exactly is your mother's objection, though?
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Somehow, you need to convince the weaker aides to just bull their way through it anyway. It doesn’t matter what she says or what she does, the diaper is getting changed. Possibly show them how it’s done?
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Does you mom like hard candies or chewing gum? If so, try giving her one, so her mouth and mind are occupied with the treat, and maybe she won't think to scream.

Oh, and save your energy on explaining UTI to her. You're wasting your breath. My Alz. mother sometimes refuses to do things, and I tell her when she's done changing into a new clean diaper, or taking a shower, I'll take her out to go shopping. That usually gets her to cooperate.

What does you mother like? What incentive will work with her?
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Carrot11 Mar 2021
Giving candies or chewing gum could be very dangerous to someone prone to scream and they can just choke on them.
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