Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
There is the old story about a man going into the doctor and saying, doc, it hurts when I move my arm like this.

The doctor says, dont move your arm like that.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Keep taking advantage of this forum whenever you need to vent. It's big help to be able to express your frustrations and feelings, especially to sympathetic listeners.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thanks for starting this post. I live 2 hours from Dad and my sister lives six hours from him. First my Mom was sick and passed away and now my father is showing signs of dementia plus other common issues with elderly - CHF, COPD. I have spent almost 5 years of weekends (and sometimes weekday) visits to check on and care for my parents. I have given up time with my family, money, almost lost (or even still may lose) my job, etc. My Dads siblings live in the same town and volunteered to help with my Dad, but it is all talk no action - plus they are retired and have health issues so I do not expect a lot from them.

Everyone thinks because I have only one son and my husband can care for him while I am gone that that is ok.. I am missing out on so much. He is not a pleasant person either and smokes like an chimney so I cannot move him into my house as I have asthma and he will fall if he smokes outside. It is a mess and so dysfunctional...

Dad qualifies for community care service and meals on wheel which worked for a while on the weekdays; however, now that his mental state is worsening he fires all his caregivers.

He agreed to and was accepted into assisted living last week, but he had a fit and locked me out of the house. So I went home to my house to prepare for Christmas. Because, guess what - my sister and family and Dad came to my house for the holidays. I had wanted to go to their house with Dad so that I could get a few days break from worrying about my Dad and caring for him myself. But they came for one day, left and now I am alone again to care for Dad....my husband put his foot down and said that if they are that worried about Dad then they need to take time to help or Dad will have to be on his own. Dad told us yesterday he would agree to assisted living - but there are too many rules there so my husband does not think it will work.

I am too young to retire and my Dad and I cannot afford to hire full time help at home.

Some people may think I am selfish for wanting to spend time with my son before he graduates from high school - I want to help him get into a great college.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Dec 2019
You’re not selfish. Your sister will not share the responsibility. Your husband had a right to be annoyed. He doesn’t want you to be saddled with everything. You have a right to be annoyed.

Dad should go to assisted living. He has lived his life and now you deserve to live yours. Your sister will not care for your dad and isn’t obligated to and neither are you. Tell him you are not doing it anymore and it’s time for him to go live in a facility.
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter