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He hasn't done 1 thing. I am not sure as a beneficiary how I feel about someone not even blood related handling all of my aun'ts financials and assets. Any advice would help.
When my MIL passed, my husband as executor of her estate was supposed to fulfill her bequests in her will - here it is, heading into the fourth year and it remains unfinished and probably will stay that way and if he passes (he’s 72) before it’s finished, it will be left for me to deal with. Be happy that your Aunt is willing to help her husband with his executor duties, it’s a huge responsibility.
Back Story:
My husband was her POA while she was alive and he gave me rights to take care of 100% of her needs which were both medical & financial. I arranged her caregiving, cooked all her meals, did all of the housekeeping, took care of all her medical & insurance issues, got her Tricare back for her, dealt with Medicaid and got her estate released from any state liens by direct contact with the local Medicaid office and getting Tricare to reimburse Medicaid all bills going back eleven years. I arranged for in home nurse visits and hospice when it came time. I was there when she took her last breath; I woke my husband and told him; I called the cremation staff; I called the hospice nurse and we washed and dressed my MIL in preparation for them to pick her up. I also wrote the obituary. It took him three months to organize a small memorial service. Some people are just not cut out to do these things and some just won’t.
My DH was his dad's executor and had no IDEA what he was doing! If his brother and sister had waited for him to step up and deal with the 1001 things that accompany a death--they'd still be waiting 16 years later.
I gently guided DH along the path--sometimes actually pushing pretty hard. His sister was having a tough time, financially, and every time something was sold or cashed out, I literally RAN a check to her. Dad had his own condo and a rental property that we had no idea he owned. It had sat empty and decaying for over a year. We listed that and sold it in one day--rather than try to fix it up.
I KNOW my BIL did not trust me one iota--I was 'flipping' dad's condo so it would sell for more ($40K, as it tuned out, on a $5K investment of paint, carpet and not paying me a dime for doing it!) and BIL used to drop by the condo to criticize my work. He stopped when I told him he could darn well pick up a paintbrush and give me a hand instead of coming by to criticize.
I also cleaned out his finances and got his taxes ready to go to the accountant. DH would never have thought of that.
It goes on and on.
As DIL I knew that dad would have been fine with what I was doing, and I can admit that it was INCREDIBLY stressful to be doing basically a FT job and one member of the family won't 'allow' me to be paid the going rate for working on the estate.
If you have an issue with your aunt, TALK TO HER. I wish my SIL and BIL had been better at communicating with us. DH was the executor, like it or not, and they had to come to terms with it.
Luckily, DH is no longer his mom's executor. They had a huge falling out and she changed her will and wrote us out. Fine, great, good. DH simply doesn't have it in him to handle dealing with his family again.
COMMUNICATION is the key. We didn't talk much about FIL's estate, but I sure heard a lot of 'is she being honest?' while I was working myself to the bone to make sure things were split EXACTLY into thirds.
And--Dh never went before a probate judge--maybe that's b/c dad's estate was relatively small? IDK. But the records were impeccable and I had receipts for EVERYTHING, down to the last bucket of paint.
It’s no uncommon for the executor to be a non related third party, an attorney or other fiduciary who is paid for his or her services. It’s also not uncommon in a marriage for one of the spouses to either be better at or have the time to take care of bills, arrangements, the business of running the house or both. I’m the one who gets to do all that crap in our home and for my mom as well as much of it for the family stuff my brothers and I share. There is also the possibility that the loss is harder on your uncle than he shows and it’s an effort of love she is providing by taking so much of the details off his plate, it doesn’t mean that he isn’t making the decisions, as other have said he has to by law anyway.
That said if there is some reason you have for not trusting this aunt and or your uncle that you haven’t voiced that might be another story. Where is your mom or dad (your aunt and uncles sibling) in all of this, did she have a spouse or children or were you and your cousins her children by extension? She chose your uncle for a reason and she did enough planning to have a will so things are likely well planned out. As far as being uncomfortable with the non blood related aunt being privy to the details, it’s likely she would be anyway even if your uncle were doing everything. Nothing wrong with questioning things but unless there is a reason you haven’t mentioned, I would probably be grateful my capable aunt was taking this on and allowing the rest of us to be able to simply mourn.
Your uncle - not his wife - is the one who has to go before the probate judge and attest that he has carried out your aunt's wishes. He is the one who is legally responsible for executing her will and do so in a timely fashion. Are things not being done in a timely fashion?
If ur Uncle was my husband, I'd be doing most of the work too since my husband is almost deaf and cannot use a phone. Maybe his wife is better at this sort of thing. Being an Executor is not an easy job and just because Aunt assigned him doesn't mean he is equipped to do the job. He will be held responsible and will need to sign off on things.
Are you a beneficiary? Are you looking out for the best interest of a sibling of ur Aunt? When all is said and done, an accounting has to be given to Probate showing debts have been paid and where the money is. All beneficiaries get a copy and need to sign off on it. At that time they can contest the accounting.
As a niece, I never got involved with my Uncle/Aunts estates.
Legally, your uncle is still liable for all the duties as executor. He can share information with whomever he want. I would suggest you find out the county which is handling the probate and monitor all developments. They will have to list all accounts and property
There is no reason to be thankful for her services, she is helping her DH, not you.
None of us here can be certain what you mean by rummaging around in the finances. A husband and wife have holdings in common, account in common often enough. A wife, for instance, would need no Executor to claim account in both their names, or POD to her. She has a right to notify all entities that her husband is dead and if her name is on insurance policies, on accounts requiring payment, etc. that can be done. If you have questions, ask the executor when he will file the will for probate. If you are a beneficiary, then you will be notified by mail in the time frame required in your state. When the estate is settled you will receive your portion. It all takes time. Wishing all good luck. Very sorry for this loss.
Whoops, I really misunderstood. I see that you are saying the UNCLE has a wife who is helping. I agree with others. He is responsible and he will be signing all the legal papers. There is no reason she can't advice and help him work through all this stuff. Let the Executor file and do his work; when the estate is settled (this can take A WHILE) you will receive your inheritance.
In what way is your aunt-by-marriage acting as executor? What exactly is she doing?
Whether he or she does the actual work, it remains your uncle's responsibility to see that your aunt's will is carried out. Have you seen the will? Do you have any reason to suppose that the work isn't being done correctly?
When it comes to an eerie feeling about a non-blood relation seeing your aunt's financial information and even rummaging around in it... your aunt won't care any more and neither should you. Not unless there's any concern about mismanagement. Maybe your aunt-by-marriage is just better and more efficient at this kind of task - in which case, thank her!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Back Story:
My husband was her POA while she was alive and he gave me rights to take care of 100% of her needs which were both medical & financial. I arranged her caregiving, cooked all her meals, did all of the housekeeping, took care of all her medical & insurance issues, got her Tricare back for her, dealt with Medicaid and got her estate released from any state liens by direct contact with the local Medicaid office and getting Tricare to reimburse Medicaid all bills going back eleven years. I arranged for in home nurse visits and hospice when it came time. I was there when she took her last breath; I woke my husband and told him; I called the cremation staff; I called the hospice nurse and we washed and dressed my MIL in preparation for them to pick her up. I also wrote the obituary. It took him three months to organize a small memorial service. Some people are just not cut out to do these things and some just won’t.
My DH was his dad's executor and had no IDEA what he was doing! If his brother and sister had waited for him to step up and deal with the 1001 things that accompany a death--they'd still be waiting 16 years later.
I gently guided DH along the path--sometimes actually pushing pretty hard. His sister was having a tough time, financially, and every time something was sold or cashed out, I literally RAN a check to her. Dad had his own condo and a rental property that we had no idea he owned. It had sat empty and decaying for over a year. We listed that and sold it in one day--rather than try to fix it up.
I KNOW my BIL did not trust me one iota--I was 'flipping' dad's condo so it would sell for more ($40K, as it tuned out, on a $5K investment of paint, carpet and not paying me a dime for doing it!) and BIL used to drop by the condo to criticize my work. He stopped when I told him he could darn well pick up a paintbrush and give me a hand instead of coming by to criticize.
I also cleaned out his finances and got his taxes ready to go to the accountant. DH would never have thought of that.
It goes on and on.
As DIL I knew that dad would have been fine with what I was doing, and I can admit that it was INCREDIBLY stressful to be doing basically a FT job and one member of the family won't 'allow' me to be paid the going rate for working on the estate.
If you have an issue with your aunt, TALK TO HER. I wish my SIL and BIL had been better at communicating with us. DH was the executor, like it or not, and they had to come to terms with it.
Luckily, DH is no longer his mom's executor. They had a huge falling out and she changed her will and wrote us out. Fine, great, good. DH simply doesn't have it in him to handle dealing with his family again.
COMMUNICATION is the key. We didn't talk much about FIL's estate, but I sure heard a lot of 'is she being honest?' while I was working myself to the bone to make sure things were split EXACTLY into thirds.
And--Dh never went before a probate judge--maybe that's b/c dad's estate was relatively small? IDK. But the records were impeccable and I had receipts for EVERYTHING, down to the last bucket of paint.
That said if there is some reason you have for not trusting this aunt and or your uncle that you haven’t voiced that might be another story. Where is your mom or dad (your aunt and uncles sibling) in all of this, did she have a spouse or children or were you and your cousins her children by extension? She chose your uncle for a reason and she did enough planning to have a will so things are likely well planned out. As far as being uncomfortable with the non blood related aunt being privy to the details, it’s likely she would be anyway even if your uncle were doing everything. Nothing wrong with questioning things but unless there is a reason you haven’t mentioned, I would probably be grateful my capable aunt was taking this on and allowing the rest of us to be able to simply mourn.
Are you a beneficiary? Are you looking out for the best interest of a sibling of ur Aunt? When all is said and done, an accounting has to be given to Probate showing debts have been paid and where the money is. All beneficiaries get a copy and need to sign off on it. At that time they can contest the accounting.
As a niece, I never got involved with my Uncle/Aunts estates.
There is no reason to be thankful for her services, she is helping her DH, not you.
If you have questions, ask the executor when he will file the will for probate. If you are a beneficiary, then you will be notified by mail in the time frame required in your state. When the estate is settled you will receive your portion. It all takes time. Wishing all good luck. Very sorry for this loss.
Was your aunt close to her?
Whether he or she does the actual work, it remains your uncle's responsibility to see that your aunt's will is carried out. Have you seen the will? Do you have any reason to suppose that the work isn't being done correctly?
When it comes to an eerie feeling about a non-blood relation seeing your aunt's financial information and even rummaging around in it... your aunt won't care any more and neither should you. Not unless there's any concern about mismanagement. Maybe your aunt-by-marriage is just better and more efficient at this kind of task - in which case, thank her!