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AmyGrace, honestly the people I have both at her Memory Care home & the outside crew, including her personal trainer at the gym, are top notch! As a side note, the first ALF that mom & stepdad lived in was also part of Brookdale--the food thing must depend on location, I thought their food was pretty decent. Lol
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I guess it depends on location. The AL was taken over by Brookdale the month she moved in, so maybe the food was a holdover from the original owners or Brookdale cut their budget or they just had a lousy kitchen staff. The prices went up too. I can't complain about the upkeep or facility itself, and many of the staff were good. I ate lunch there several times, mushy weird veggies, definitely not what the residents liked (grey looking Brussels sprouts, cabbage, mushy carrots, wilted salad). Mom was not able to cut or chew the overcooked meat and no one seemed to be aware she or others just pushed it aside. It seemed like we had to point everything out to them, and if they observed things we didn't, they didn't meet with us to share it. Her dementia was bad enough that she was doing weird things and needed guidance. On the other hand, the NH was wonderful. The dietician visited with each patient's family to find out their likes and dislikes and needs. Her meat was either diced or shredded and it was tasty. She had a half dozen choices at each meal. We didn't make much of a fuss at the AL because Mom, unfortunately, was negative about everything anyway. She drove us nuts with her constant complaining and wasn't interested in anything, didn't like anything. She complained about the food in IL as well, and they have a 4* restaurant - the IL was so wonderful (she was there 8 years) that last year my sister (79yrs) sold her house and moved there! She absolutely loves it, has dozens of friends, loves the trips, etc! Poor Mom, it made us so sad that she just didn't know how to be happy or smile.
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AmyGrace, my Mom seems to be struggling to be content as well, in fact, it almost seems like she wants to be angry. Wonder if there is some comfort in the anger? Makes no sense, but it's as if she's caught in a stage of grief--the anger stage.
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With all due respect, I can't imagine anyone wanting to live past 101.
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SueC, it depends on the person. In my mother's case, we could not understand how she could live that long being so unhappy and discontent (and yet healthy and living in a lovely IL and having her daughters there for her, never having had to work, always secure)
My sister now lives in the same IL, and one of the residents is a woman who is 107! She can still get around, live independently and according to my sister, she is a barrel of laughs and is full of life, tells wonderful stories of her experiences. I'd like that to be me some day but if I am sick and unhappy, no I wouldn't want to live to 101, especially if I took everyone around me down.
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JJ, it would be not surprise that seniors get angry with frustration - physical illness and loss of independence and decision making. I know sometimes I do when I realize I can no longer do things I did a few years ago, or that it takes me twice as long.
I think with my mother, a lot of her negativity was generational and her personality. She looked for things to find fault with and that wasn't just when she was 90, but always. That was just her, and it got worse as she aged. She was raised by family where men were important and woman, not so much, so she sometimes used helpless and being a victim to try for sympathy. It was sad, because she could flip in a minute and be stubbornly independent as well. At 70 she married a domineering horrible misogynist who controlled everything she did and thought. I think he pushed her the rest of the way and I hate to say it but family rejoiced when he died in 2000 because he treated her like a servant and like a pet - a possession. If he had lived, she surely would not have survived more than a couple of years.
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Update: Mom is almost like her old self....you know, from about a month ago.
She hasn't called and left any awful voice mail messages!
Took her to the 4th of July parade yesterday and we all had a good time.
The Diet Coke obsession is still there, but diminished, not any rage anymore.
Maybe it's a phase that's going to come and go.
The appointment with the neurologist who specializes in Dementia is set up for a couple of weeks from now...

For the moment, life is good.
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AND that didn't last long. She yelled at my son on Saturday when he took her to the gym to workout. They have been doing that weekly, once a week and she finally crossed that line and yelled at him. I feel very so bad for both of them, I'm sure my Mom would be horrified if she realized what she did. So now, the only one left in my little family that she hasn't yelled at is my daughter, but my daughter never does anything alone with Mom, I'm usually there, and Mom hardly ever yells at me if my daughter is around.
Anyway, she had a good day yesterday, but this morning she's called four times:
She can't poop, she needs diet coke, she only has $2, and she's yelled each time. I only answered the first call, let the rest go to voice mail so she can yell freely at my voice mail.

UGH.
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Update: Mom yelled at my son again, so my son is taking a break from his Grandma. He's got anxiety and issues of his own, and he doesn't need this on top of it.

Mom has gotten much better, as far as her rage and obsession goes, although I still get an occasional angry voice mail and/or call (if I answer.)

Friday I took Mom to a neurologist who specializes in dementia, and she took a bunch of cognitive tests, they also want her to get an MRI to see if they can pin point which dementia she has. They said it would help them treat it if they know what kind she has. With approx. 90 types, I'm thinking this could be a long shot, but what do I know. I kept expecting Mom to get frustrated and angry and refuse to take the tests, but she was a real trooper and kept trying.

She had the most trouble drawing a watch face...she got the numbers, but could not draw the hands at all.

Today I took her to the Dentist, then Olive Garden for lunch, and then her training session at the gym. She was pleasant the whole day. Maybe the rage thing has calmed down for now.

I'll keep you guys posted.
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