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My mom’s old care giver wants a job reference. I told my dad no. We had them for about two years. During that time they did what they wanted, always on their cell phone, brought their family drama in (that we did not want to hear), etc. It was something every day with her complaining about her husband. It was like pulling teeth with this person, she would complain about making food or light housework. It was not hard we, have a very small house. She broke several things, like our vacuum cleaner. I don’t know why she kept playing with it. She knows she broke it then she broke our weather monitor that we use for storms and stuff. She denied breaking those two things. I saw her break the vacuum cleaner she would sit there and play with it for an hour instead of watching my mom and then she would want to sit there and play with our weather monitor as well. I think she broke two other items in our house. I have always told my dad that she should’ve paid for our vacuum cleaner because it was very expensive. We still don’t know why she was sitting there playing with it until she broke it. She also stole a vacuum cleaner from my aunt’s and tried to pass it on saying it was ours. Would you give her a reference? I actually saw her break our vacuum. The look on her face because I caught her. I told my dad, she denied it. She all so took care of my aunt and broke a few things there too.

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Also want to say, does not really matter what topic u put ur post under, it all comes to the same forum.
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You cannot make it hard for a person to get another job. So no negativity. I did this as part of my job. The future employer is limited in the questions they can ask a former employer too. As said from what date to what date they were employed is about all the information u can give. Your Dad is doing right by ignoring her. There is no law that says Dad must give her a written reference. He should actually tell the former Caregiver why he won't give her a reference.

If he gets a call from someone seeking a reference you only answer the questions asks. If ask if you were satisfied with her as an employee, you can say no but do not go into detail. If asked about her performance or doing what was expected of her, you can say for you, unsatisfactory. You do not go into detail. Was she on time, no. Take too much time off, yes. You need to be very careful because of slander.
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I guess this came up the last two weeks bugging my dad for a job reference the last year 2021 she did nothing and expects a good reference from us my dad finally deleted her number and blocked her I would give them a honest review of her lazy came in late did the minimum my dad would give her a short list of things to do I would end up doing her job but I did get paid.She always had family issues her husband her relatives something every day we did it care or want to hear it was a constant thing with her
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AlvaDeer Jun 2023
Honest negative reviews can end you up in a court fight where she sues you for preventing her getting gainful employment. So don't say anything and that is SAYING A LOT. When you tell someone you cannot give a reference it says it all. But if you accuse her she can sue you for defamation of character. She would not WIN, but you would have to hire a lawyer to defend. That's expense. So think again, Lola. Don't say much about her at all. As I said, that says a lot.
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"All I can say is they were employed from X date to X date. They certainly were someone we won't forget."

Nice and bland, and depending on the tone used, your impression of them will be loud and clear.

My only question is, why did you keep them for two years if they were so awful?
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I agree with Barb. You simply confirm she did work the days she did work.

If anyone asks or insists you say more tell them that you do not wish to speak to them further and hang up the phone.

You are not obligated to provide references, but you should refrain from a lot of criticism that can get the ex-caregiver upset enough to seek legal help.
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I would confirm dates of employment only.
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