Rallying repeatedly: How is this possible?

Hello, I posted back in January and a lot has happened since. My mom is on hospice for 20 months now. CHF, COPD, and multiple other issues. 20 months ago, they told us at the hospital she had 4-8 weeks to live and suggested hospice. So that is what we did.

Here is what has recently happened:

2/27/23 I get called saying her limbs are already cold, she is not responsive when trying to wake her, etc. etc. They told me she has begun actively transitioning. 24 hours later? Wide awake asking for her favorite foods having no idea what they were talking about.

3/11/23 Starts seeing things that are not there and thinking she has gone places she has not. Two days later, realizes she was mistaken and thought it was weird. Keeps living like normal and "improving" from super low BP.

4/7/23 All week was acting weird. Seeing and hearing incorrect things, mean, nasty, making accusations (reminded me of when we were young as she was untreated bipolar/borderline and was very mean growing up.) Then Saturday morning 4/8/23 could not be woken up, congestions that was audible and BP was the scary lowest/ ICU level. They called me and said (one week ago today!!) she would be gone within 24 hours based on her vitals and condition. To come say goodbye.

Here we are 4/15/23. She is wide awake, eating, laughing, talking, asking to go outside which we did. I have been there every single day for hours for the last week straight. She is totally back to normal again.

Mind you, we have had what they call "episodes" of her going totally out/unable to wake up, audible congestion, high heart rate, etc. This was in 9/2021, 4/2022 and 12/2022 and back then said, "we cannot really tell which way this is going." Never until this year did, they tell me twice she was actively dying and to come say goodbye.

Has anyone else experienced these seemingly regular rallies?! It is exhausting. Emotionally and just every way I am so tired. I have no more I can say or do that I have not already with her. I am finally ready to let her go. I can finally see how bad her quality of life is. She cannot use her legs at all, one arm works, she is in bed all the time. Yet, she is not ready to go. I have so much respect for our Souls purpose. So, while part of me understands when it is not your time it is not, and when it is it is. It is just all this back and forth that I am handling poorly. I do not *want* my mom to die. I want her to be healthy and pull a wild miracle out of the air, start walking with help from PT, go to assisted living and live her life. We all know that is not happening. She gets worse and worse after each of these "episodes”, and I am losing my mind. I sure hope someone else gets this because I feel crazy... I barely work (I am self-employed), talk to friends, etc. I just shut down and cannot seem to DO much when this happens. I have a therapist. I have a support group I just went to last week that meets Mondays. I have people. Just nothing feels right. I am hesitant to post but chose to anyway. People can be so wonderful, and others just see the surface and judge. I will take my chances and hope someone else reading this has been there. Thanks for reading.