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Remember the book "The Little Red Hen" from childhood?

When the hen asked for help making the bread, all the farm animals said, "Not me." So, the hen did all the work herself. After all the work, when the bread was baked, the farm animals wanted to eat the bread.

The hen said, "No. I did the work. I eat the bread." That the other animals might be hungry wasn't her problem.

Please know that it's OK to tell your sisters that you and the co-executor sis are going to take the fee. You earned it. The greedy sisters didn't.
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Takincare Aug 2020
Very well said and very true.
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Yes, take the fee. You have earned it. Several years ago my husband was excecutor for a family member and planned to take no fee. However, he spent so much money out his own pocket and the other family members were so nasty he decided to repay his own expense. Yes, made the others angry, but they had already cut off all cordial conversation. What else could he lose? Unfortunately money always brings out the worst in people. Be sure to present everyone with a detailed report of your work and expense.
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My husband was elected as the personal representative by his parents, skipping over the eldest son which didn't set right at all with that particular sibling. My husband tried to appease his older brother who was obviously and outwardly angered by what his parents did, and relinquished his fee, thereby adding those funds to the estate so the siblings would realize a little more money, and it didn't change a thing. That was 4 years ago. The eldest brother and his wife, who up until the time of probate were our best friends, have not spoken to us since probate and the reading of the will. In my honest opinion, you've earned it. The fee is there for a reason.
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Please take the fee, you have earned it and I doubt even if you didn’t take it those sisters would ever be the type of loving siblings you envision. You have seen their true character now. Once people show you who they are... believe them...whether family or not!
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Other sisters did not want to be executor as they thought it a burden. And they are right. That is why there are executor fees.

I dont see how things could get that much worse than they are. I would take the money. It sounds like you are doing your best to make it equitable for all. Selling house to son for 200K less would be basically stealing from other heirs, unless that was made up for in some way.
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Yes, you should. And I’m sorry you have such siblings. That’s such terrible behavior.
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Do you have an open communication line with your co-executor sister? Can you ask an open ended question to her about what she thinks should be done about the executor fee? Try to keep asking questions until she commits some opinion. Hopefully it is fair and she suggests that you take a larger percentage of the fee because you did more of the work. If she doesn’t feel that way, just let the more equitable split go. The time to raise that issue might have been while you were spending more hours. Maybe because you were available and maybe your sister just “let” you do the work. Nevertheless, she almost has to be the one to suggest the split. On the other note of the executor fee, you are entitled and if it is reviewed by the court, the judge will say that also - as long as it is a reasonable rate per hour and a reasonable rate per hours. In fact, in most jurisdictions, the judge can overrule the state’s amount. If you feel that taking the fee will cause further angst between your sisters, bring the subject up with your co-executor. Again, try to get an opinion and just listen without offering your thoughts until you learn where she stands. If you can afford to and your co-executor can afford and is willing to - take less than the stated executor amount. Whatever you both can agree to - if it was 2%, then maybe you take 1% or 1.5% or whatever. Taking anything less than the stated amount that you are entitled to may take a little bit of thunder out of the naysayers. Whatever you decide, have a simple summary of your hours and tasks available to all sisters. Include out of pocket costs including mileage, tolls, etc. And, of course the bigger expenses involved in getting the house ready for sale.

Almost all families have arguments over estates. Even when it is laid out so fairly with each sister getting the same 1/7th of the estate.

Do the best you can. Provide short and factual statements to answer any naysayers and simply say that everything was carried out exactly as your parents provided and the court approved. Don’t try to argue or prove your point further - their perspectives don’t sound reasonable, so arguing won’t help. If you have given them the information, just refer back to it for them to review and then get off the phone. Please just don’t engage. It just makes it worse.

Time will heal this. Please do not beat yourself up after you have done all the work. Do not sacrifice all of the fees thinking it will “fix” all the raw feelings - it won’t. Just execute it according to the will with your co-executor. The two of you need to be aligned. Let the others fuss among themselves.

Good luck from the bottom of my heart.
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Imho, you are to follow your late mother's direction. Ergo, take the fee.
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Rereading the post about realtor BIL, nephew who wanted to purchase home below market value, sister who is nephew's mother telling BIL to sell the house when she did not have the legal right to raised a couple of red flags for me. Did she sign the listing contract or did you? Sister of incompetent BIL threatening to sue because of lost commission money. Could it be that he did not do his job to force the sale of the family home to nephew to avoid foreclosure timeline? Why work at it if you know it's just a matter of time. This may be the reason your 2 sisters are angry, by proceeding with your job as executor and exercising due diligence in the process their plans to get what they wanted ie commission and house went up in smoke. Take your fee. Ignore toxic siblings, hopefully things will calm down and get better as time passed, if not it's their loss. It's always about what they can get, how much more they can squeeze out of the estate than other heirs.
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You will have undoubtedly earned the fee.

If it would make you feel better, you can donate the fee (or a portion thereof) to your favorite charity. Or your mother's favorite charity.

I doubt your sisters will treat you any better if you don't take the fee.
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I don’t think you should even question whether or not you should take a fee. Had everything been different and your sisters acted in a respectful way both to you and your Mom’s memory, then I could see foregoing the fee. BUT with circumstances being what they are why would you? Please take the fee because if you don’t I think you’ll be kicking yourself for a long time to come I know I would be. It’s not about the money with you, anyone reading this can see that. So don’t feel bad take what you’ve earned and let the others squabble with each other! Wishing you the best and an easy resolve with everything.
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