I have been a caregiver for both of my parent for several years. I am not very old though as I am in my early 30s. I have put my life on hold for the most part.
They both smoke and refuse to smoke outside. The smoke in my laundry room. They took over most of the house and I just get the basement. My mom has severe COPD and is on oxygen. They both have mobility issues.
I try to be understanding but it is a daily fight. I cannot tolerate cigarette smoke as I am allergic and have a rare autoimmune disorder which flares from cigarette smoke. They often leave the door open and this room is off the kitchen and barely crack the window because it is cold outside.
It was my understanding they were going to occasionally going to smoke in there in front of a window and go outside when it was nice. This has not been what has happened. I get a space in a small basement and can’t stand to be in the rest of the house as it smells awful. The smell often makes it downstairs.
She is a compulsive shopper and he is a hoarder. They have filled the whole 2 car garage with junk they agreed to get rid of. Some of it has been due to a lot of work by me. They have very little money and most they spend on cigarettes.
Mom has had pneumonia for a year and half. I think it is from her COPD worsening. They both have had strokes and have spine problems. She also is incontient and needs a fecal sac.
I need help. Am I being unreasonable asking them to smoke outside. There is a deck right off the sunroom. I am miserable and I they don’t seem to happy to follow the rules.
I pay 85% of the cost and they pay the rest. They put money towards the down payment since the house would of been more than I could afford without it. Housing here is expensive.
We have an OP who works full time at a very lucrative job, is the sole caregiver for 2 parents, but has time to sit down read many posts and belt out a reply to each. Uh Huh! Sure.
Yes, second hand smoke effects everyone. But it’s much more than smoking that is bothering you. You are burning out. You’re too young for this. Somehow, some way, change your life, even if it means you moving out. Yes, it’s drastic. Either they have to go or you do. I think you have proven that this is not working for any of you. You aren’t compatible.
Trust me I understand. My living arrangement with my mom needed to end too, after a lot of misery. Didn’t start out bad but it surely ended that way.
I sort of feel that you won’t get a fairytale ending either. So for now, just hope for an ending. If the relationship ends up working out, that’s wonderful but that doesn’t always happen. It didn’t for me. We don’t get everything we wish for in life. We can only do so much. You’ve done all you can. Best wishes to you and your family.
Apparently they found no help here.
It is pretty sad that they can't see the forest through the trees, but they have obviously been conditioned to get the short end of the stick from their parents their entire life. So sad to see, we just need to believe that something will open their eyes before they lose their lives to the selfishness of cigarettes.